angstriddentrashhuman:

last-snowfall:

needstosortoutpriorities:

rambleonamazon:

last-snowfall:

geardrops:

swanjolras:

out of all the aspects of millennial-bashing, i think the one that most confuses me is the “millennials all got trophies as a kid, so now they’re all self-centered narcissists” theory

like— kids are pretty smart, y’all. they can see that every kid on the team gets a trophy and is told they did a good job; they can also see that not every kid on the team deserves a trophy, and not everyone did do a good job

the logical conclusion to draw from this is not “i’m great and i deserve praise”— it’s “no matter how mediocre i am, people will still praise me to make me feel better, so i can’t trust any compliments or accolades i receive”

this is not a recipe for overconfidence and narcissism. it is a recipe for constant self-guessing, low self-esteem, and a distrust of one’s own abilities and skills.

where did this whole “ugh millennials think their so-so work is super great” thing even come from it is a goddamn mystery

what fucking kills me is, yeah, maybe we got the trophies, but who gave them out

this is not a recipe for overconfidence and narcissism. it is a recipe for constant self-guessing, low self-esteem, and a distrust of one’s own abilities and skills.

Which is pretty much what mental health practitioners observe happening.

It’s also what I observed happening as a singing teacher: the older kids literally would not believe a positive word I said until I had proved I would tell them they screwed up/had done badly/etc. I did so in as useful a way as possible (“So this passage. We really need to work on this passage. A lot. This passage is not good yet.”), but with almost every adolescent I taught I had to prove I would give them straight-up criticism before they would parse my praise as anything other than meaningless “the grownups always do this” noise.

This is literally a huge chunk of what is wrong with me. By the time I reached high school, I assumed all praise was fake–made up to spare my feeling. Even today, I struggle with accepting compliments or feeling proud of my work.

You know what else a population treated like this learns?

That their skills, accomplishments, and personal value as unique individuals are such mortal threats to their peers’ sanity that they must hide and devalue them or else everyone around them will be TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE. That success must constantly be overshadowed by hypervigilent guilt over who might see it achieved by someone other than them and wither because of it. That the reason “everyone wins” is because losing is death and success is murder. That their work must be devalued in service to an all-devouring imperative to protect others from the toxic experience of envying it.

That achievement automatically means cruelly taking something away from someone else instead of creating something beautiful that those around you can ENJOY.

That if you accepted or desired approval, you were thoughtless. That if you took pride in anything, you were a snake. That if you asked for your value to be recognized, you obviously didn’t care about those around you. That adding value to any situation you were in was only acceptable with written permission, which you had to carefully assert that you hadn’t asked for in any way, or else you ran the risk of battering the self-esteem of people who were just waiting for the chance to cry foul and batter you back.

That success is a zero-sum game.

NOPE.

(Among other things, this shows up in the tendency of creatives to devalue their work even if it’s really good, repeating stridently that they’re not making anything that can actually be called good lest someone respond with the dreaded “how are you so good, I quit.” Please, everyone, stop both of those things. Just really please stop.)

Oh, fucking god, this.

Leading to the lovely correspondence, if something goes wrong, of:

- I am the worst
- It’s my own fault if I’d worked harder it would have worked perfectly
- It’s my own fault for wanting to achieve something and put myself above others
- The fact that I am sad about not achieving something means I am a selfish egotist and a horrible person
- BUT I SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER AND ACHIEVED

I am haunted by the idea that no praise is genuine, that I don’t deserve praise because I am not actually any good even at my favorite things, and that if I do accept praise or feel good about something I’ve done then I am an arrogant piece of garbage and I need to stop doing that.

meloromantics:

atticusthegreat:

meloromantics:

honest to god question why the fuck is Wonder Woman totally free of body hair?? no woman raised on an island without men is gonna shave her damn pits what the hell

I thought you did those things for yourself, not for the approval of men?

half the population of adults does not up an decide to spend hundreds of dollars and dozens of hours of time at risk of bleeding, scabbing, scarring and infection “just because,” “for yourself.”

women shave their legs and under the arms because of patriarchy and capitalism, which makes it a direct result of gendered socialization. body hair on women is perceived as unclean, barbaric, or disgusting as a direct result of gendered socialization. socialization is not an accident, it’s not coincidence. the hair grows on our bodies the SAME as it does on men, it has the same biological function as it does for men.

a quick google search will tell you that women didn’t start shaving under their arms in the modern western world until about World War I, when changes in fashion led to exposed underarms and razor manufacturers took that opportunity to double their profits by suggesting that cleanly shaven armpits were fashionable and high class. the trend trickled down from there, and a similar process repeated about 40 years later with leg shaving, which was adopted by pinup models, sexualizing the practice in addition to the coding of class status.

I used to claim that I shaved “for myself,” using the fact that I BEGGED my mother to let me start shaving at age 11 as evidence of my “choice.” all that that proves is that I was socialized to be repulsed by female body hair before I even had my own. I had never known an older woman who didn’t shave, I had never seen a woman who didn’t shave on TV or in movies, and the only unshaven women I heard about were the butts of jokes, “bad” women who were very, very explicitly expressed as women not to respect or model myself after.

claiming that you “freely choose” to conform to the only model for being a human woman that you have been presented with from birth is not a true choice.

fashionsensexoxo:

• Independence and safety (not having to rely on abusive ppl, getting to control how you spend your time and money)
  
• Experiences (travel, events, vacations, entertainment)
  
• Health (medical care duh, good food, good location, reduced stress)
  
• Opportunity (car, being able to move, having a safety net, “looking professional”)
  
• Confidence (clothes that make you look good, things that make you feel good)
  

That seems alot like happiness

juilan:

juilan:

A white person learning another language in the United States is a person looking to build a résumé.

A person of color learning English in the United States is a person looking to be treated like a human being.

It is not the same thing.

Keep reblogging this white people are getting mad because they don’t know the difference between learning a language because it’s fun or to put it on applications and learning a language so you won’t get treated like garbage by everyone

bi-privilege:

“she can’t be bisexual! she’s in a relationship with a man!”

counting-dollars-counting-stars:

anar-tea:

sectual-tention:

sm0k3-ring:

blackpoeticinjustice:

verdant-witch:

s1n-pie:

mizzhabibi:

surfshoggoth:

damncommunists:

ocelhira:

i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because: 

1. i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live 
2. most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person 
3. im not a pissbaby

my white friends that have reblogged this give me life

4. Sometimes I am a shitty white person and the jokes remind me to FUCKIN STOP

If ur white and like this post I fux with u

^absolutely

5. It’s hard to be offended when white people jokes involve bland food/tourist dads in socks and sandals/white girls in yoga pants obsessed with pumpkin spice/suburban PTA moms and other harmless and mostly true stereotypes while jokes about POC involve them being called thugs/criminals/slurs/uneducated/illegal immigrants.

i fucks with u heavy if ur white and you reblog this

6. They’re usually really fucking funny and don’t perpetuate stereotypes that will ever affect me economically, politically, or cause me any true harm, let alone create risks that “justify” my murder and/or death

Waits for my white mutuals to reblog😌

yesyesyesyes

Yep. I also am a basic white girl who drinks starbucks, so bring it all on. We deserve it anyways.