Icon from a picrew by grgikau. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
louis mon cher come see this programme the televisionne has shown me. in it, “vampires” live in a crumbling house in a land called staten island! have you heard of this island, my beloved? humans follow them around and film their dark deeds! surely we are far more interesting than them, although this nandor is quite handsome… have i made you jealouse? louis? could we fashion a little doll in my own image that speaks just like me? what about blood sprinklers? louieeiees do not walk away
Honestly it would be really funny if they added an ace vampire to what we do in the shadows, for once the ace flag colors are inherently goth which is the perfect colors for a vampire to dress in.
So imagine: Laszlo and Nadja being themselves and talking about how vampires are very sexual beings, vampire in ace colors looks knowingly at the camera.
Cut to interview: Yes so, I am what nowadays is called, asexual? *Looking for confirmation behind the cameras* Yes! Asexual, in my time we used to call it a spinster, but we called everything a spinster! Lesbian? A spinster. Didn’t want to marry? A spinster. Wanted to marry but couldn’t? A spinster. Was just weird? A spinster. *Someone says something behind the cameras* What was that? Ah! Aromantic, yes! Also a spinster, everything a spinster.
You know at first I told people but these days I find it more fun to keep a bit of a mystery going on, at least for a bit. You see, other vampires kept trying to seduce me, because, look at me! I am gorgeous! And then I just gave them the look *looks unimpressed to the camera*, and so they started talking, about the mysterious vampire that no one can impress. Obviously sometimes it just gets annoying and it’s easier to just tell them.
ok no godFUCKINGdammit you don’t understand, he’s fat he’s queer he’s Hispanic specifically, he’s an action hero he’s a teddy bear he’s obsessed with fucking Armand, he’s got nearly chivalric levels of devotion to the stupidest man alive, he could do anything wants to and he chooses the most degrading clownshoes career path on purpose, he’s got the world’s finest ass, every day he contemplates the fact that he could kill them all and every day he chooses to play mom-friend instead, he’s short he’s a serial killer he’s got that smug little fucking grin i wanna bite him i wanna bite him i wanna bite him i don’t know What The Fuck nandor’s problem is i’ll bite that man myself
