Why Everything You Know About Vikings Is A Lie
True story - There are historical accounts (well, there’s at least one historical account) in which English people whine about how the Norse men bathe so often they’re able to seduce the local women away from their husbands.
^^^ Yep. Turns out the women were way more into the hot well groomed muscular dudes who liked to smell nice.
*Hot, well groomed men who liked to smell nice and knew their way around sharp objects.
“I just don’t know why you couldn’t marry a local boy sweetie.”
“What can I say dad, Hjalmar bathes regularly, smells nice, has shoulders, can wield a sword and can wield his sword ifyaknowwhatImean, and when he comes back from raids likes to shower me in rare gifts from overseas. Look at this necklace! The amber beads came from the lands of the Rus! Also, he’s teaching me how to shoot a bow and use a spear because he thinks it might be nice if I could go on raids too someday.”
You’ve described my ideal man.
Fuck.
Like I’d ride that longboat if ya know what I mean.
black and asian vikings 100% definitely existed (also, saami vikings)
you know how far you can get into eurasia and africa by sailing up rivers from the baltic and mediterranean seas? pretty fucking far, and that’s what vikings liked to do to trade
then, you know, people are people, so love happens, business happens, and so ppl get married and take spouses back home to the frozen hellscape that is scandinavia (upon which i’m guessing the horrorstruck new spouses went “WHAT THE FUCK??? FUCKING GIVE ME YOUR JACKET???????”)
and sometimes vikings bought thralls and brought them home as well, and i mean, when your indentured service is up after however many years and you’re a free person again, maaaaaaaaaaaaybe it’s a bit hard to get all the way home across the continent, so you make the best out of the situation and you probably get married and raise a gaggle kids
so yeah
viking kingdoms/communities were not uniformly pure white aryan fantasy paradises, so pls stop using my cultural history and ethnic background to excuse your racist discomfort with black ppl playing heimdall and valkyrie
Also we KNOW they got to Asia and Africa.
Why?
Because Asians, Africans, and Vikings TOLD US SO.
Also, we know there was significant mercantile trade between Scandinavia and parts of Pakistan, Afghanistan, Northern India, Kashmir, North and Eastern Africa because there is evidence in burial sites.
Check that out: the goods Vikings and Scandinavians were getting from their trade with the rest of the world was so important they buried themselves with it, as part of their treasure hordes.
We KNOW this.
There’s a reason you can still see many of the trade routes from the ancient world etched into the very earth.
Plus, we know that some Scandinavian cultures that participated in Viking raids had established minority communities of ethnically Mongolian folks living among them during the periods when such raids were common, and it’s difficult to credit that none of them would have signed on.
Vikings brought Native American woman to Europe
Unflattering texts in Arabic about Vikings
Original text by Ahmad ibn-Fadlan
More about the Islamic World and Vikings (some Vikings converted to Islam! sort of sketchy site tho)
Viking technology came from Afghanistan
More on trade route determination via metallurgy
… is that enough? :)
I love this post, learning the history of this topic is fascinating.
@datvikingtho vikings for you
the Norse were fucking hardcore
black and asian vikings 100% definitely existed (also, saami vikings)
you know how far you can get into eurasia and africa by sailing up rivers from the baltic and mediterranean seas? pretty fucking far, and that’s what vikings liked to do to trade
then, you know, people are people, so love happens, business happens, and so ppl get married and take spouses back home to the frozen hellscape that is scandinavia (upon which i’m guessing the horrorstruck new spouses went “WHAT THE FUCK??? FUCKING GIVE ME YOUR JACKET???????”)
and sometimes vikings bought thralls and brought them home as well, and i mean, when your indentured service is up after however many years and you’re a free person again, maaaaaaaaaaaaybe it’s a bit hard to get all the way home across the continent, so you make the best out of the situation and you probably get married and raise a gaggle kids
so yeah
viking kingdoms/communities were not uniformly pure white aryan fantasy paradises, so pls stop using my cultural history and ethnic background to excuse your racist discomfort with black ppl playing heimdall and valkyrie
Also we KNOW they got to Asia and Africa.
Why?
Because Asians, Africans, and Vikings TOLD US SO.
Also, we know there was significant mercantile trade between Scandinavia and parts of Pakistan, Afghanistan, Northern India, Kashmir, North and Eastern Africa because there is evidence in burial sites.
Check that out: the goods Vikings and Scandinavians were getting from their trade with the rest of the world was so important they buried themselves with it, as part of their treasure hordes.
We KNOW this.
There’s a reason you can still see many of the trade routes from the ancient world etched into the very earth.
Plus, we know that some Scandinavian cultures that participated in Viking raids had established minority communities of ethnically Mongolian folks living among them during the periods when such raids were common, and it’s difficult to credit that none of them would have signed on.
Vikings brought Native American woman to Europe
Unflattering texts in Arabic about Vikings
Original text by Ahmad ibn-Fadlan
More about the Islamic World and Vikings (some Vikings converted to Islam! sort of sketchy site tho)
Viking technology came from Afghanistan
More on trade route determination via metallurgy
… is that enough? :)
I love this post, learning the history of this topic is fascinating.
@datvikingtho vikings for you
the Norse were fucking hardcore
PSA: As a real life Scottish person please stop using the argument that Celtic peoples had dreadlocks when talking about the cultural appropriation of dreadlocks. We didn’t. Ever. Please don’t lie about my culture in order to validate your racism.
Little PSA from Scandinavia (I’m Danish): vikings never had dreads either. They had braids and other styles, but never dreads.
The vikings were, by the past standards, obsessed with cleanliness and bathing. Most washed daily and you can not get dreads, as a white Scandinavian, if you clean your hair daily or even weekly.