When sat next to each other, “young lady” and “young man” are not so different. But I believe there is quite a bit of difference between Garak referring to Ziyal as a young lady and Garak calling Julian a young man, and that difference is *context*.

In “Past Prologue”, Garak and Julian had literally just met. They had said less than a hundred words to each other. Garak was affecting exaggerated politeness, because that’s what he does when he’s unsure of someone. Everything he says in this conversation, and in most of the conversations he has in this episode, has two sides. This is the polite side that gives him deniability and puts the other person at ease, assuming they don’t catch the other half.

The other half of Garak saying “What a thoughtful young man. How nice that we’ve met,” in this instance is a little bit patronizing. He also says, “Ah. An open mind. The essence of intellect.” These are feeler barbs to see how Julian reacts. He’s feeling for Julian’s buttons (heh) and/or letting Julian know that he’s already found them. He wants to asses Julian’s personality and maybe to get Julian to start arguing so they can flirt properly. He’s lobbing softballs at the alien.

And yes, he is interested in a hook up with Julian! But a hook up is not a romantic relationship. Garak never intended to *fall in love* with Julian. A hookup is not a lover. They are someone to play with to pass the time. “A bit of enjoyable company” One does not need to view a hookup as an equal.

Contrast this to Garak and Ziyal having known each other for roughly a year, assuming seasons as years, in “By Inferno’s Light.” We can assume they have gotten to know each other as well as two ppl with a shared culture amid aliens who haven’t much else to do can manage in a year. Garak has had time to measure Ziyal (listen, the tailoring puns aren’t intentional, I swear) and has found her to be someone he does care for and does not want to disappoint.

“Ziyal is depending on you. You promised her you’d come back, and that young lady has had quite enough disappointments in her life without you adding to them, so control yourself.”

This is Garak giving himself a pep talk to ward off a panic attack. He is not showing off. There’s no one there to hear him. He’s motivating himself to work, so there’s very little artifice or nuance here.

It just reads as very paternal to me. The phrase “that young lady” as used here shows that Garak does not see Ziyal as an equal. She is someone who needs to be protected. Garak feels a responsibility toward her to make it home safely. He does not want to be another disappointment in her life. And who is the main disappointment in Ziyal’s life? Her father. Garak draws that parallel and insists to himself that he can at least be a better father/mentor figure than Dukat.

In summary, Garak’s line to Julian was character assessment and light flirting. His line about Ziyal was to remind himself of his responsibility to not do further harm to a young person he cares about who has dealt with too much. They could not be more different. The context explains that, and it explains why two similar phrases can mean that Garak wants to fuck Julian but does not want a romantic relationship with Ziyal.