Icon from a picrew by grgikau. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
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Sometimes i. forget Gender exists until i am Gendered in public. Startles me every tiem
one can instantly free oneself from the chains of identity discourse by simply conceiving of sexuality as something that is dialectical and not metaphysical
your sexuality does not exist within you, nor does it exist as an immutable wholly external ideal to be discovered. your sexuality is locatable only within your interaction with and relations to the world around you
Thinking about how Damar killed Ziyal and then ended up the hero of the Cardassian people by the end of Ds9. The murder of Ziyal is not shrouded in any ambiguity. She was innocent and he murdered her.
So how can he end up being a hero? How can we reconcile this view of the Damar that commits a brutal, unforgivable act with the Damar that leads a rebellion and saves his people?
That’s a hard question. It certainly comes down to character development. The Damar that shoots Ziyal is shaped by the same values and ideas that created Dukat. Cardassian military man, convinced about Cardassian superiority. But when Damar reaches the height of power under the Dominion, he’s wrecked by guilt and the eventual realisation his people are not the rightful, imperial oppressor, but are being subjugated.
He changes and realize, very reluctantly, that Cardassia has to change to. His turning points are all centered around killing people: Killing Ziyal leads to his induction to leadership, killing Weyoun leads to his role as rebellion leader, killing Rusot leads to him finally accepting the new Cardassian reality. So does Kira “forgive” him? Is the audience to forgive him?
I think Ds9 tells us that people sometimes do horrible things and then we all have to live with it. Garak did horrible things, Kira did horrible things, even Sisko did horrible things. Justice isn’t easy or smooth and certainly not swift. Maybe Ds9 tells us that there’s no dichotomy where we either forgive and forget or we seek absolute justice.
We learn early in episodes like “Duet” that seeing things in black and white, where everyone is either Good or Bad, is not constructive. We learn in “Darkness and the light” that Kira killed civilians working with the occupying forces during her time in the resistance when she had to and also that being consumed by revenge will lead you down a dark path. All those things teaches us that in war, sometimes you don’t have the luxury of absolutes. Kira chose to put her personal feelings about Damar aside and work at his side, not because she forgot Ziyal but because that’s what she had to do.
It’s also interesting to consider Dukat killing Jadzia vs. Damar killing Ziyal and how these horrid acts lead two people on very different paths, but that’s best saved for another post.
i may be terminally online but at least i have fun and curate my experience to cater to my interests and don’t intentionally seek out things that will make me feel worse and don’t take out my personal issues on strangers on the internet
* We skip the holidays altogether * We poke our heads in for dessert, but we don’t stay for dinner * We don’t go to Christmas service/Mass (or whatever other worship service) * We buy gifts only for immediate family and close friends * We get our loved ones experiences instead of things * We make gifts * We don’t DIY our decorations or gifts, or only DIY some of them * We get a smaller tree or none at all * We decline the invitation to that cookie swap that will have us making 3 dozen each of 3 different kinds of cookies * We don’t invite certain people * We get smaller gifts for people * We limit the number of invitations we accept, and the number of events we host * We don’t buy gifts for anyone past puberty * We walk away from conversations that aren’t going anywhere good. * We hang up the phone or log off Skype/Zoom/whatever * We put ourselves on a budget * We learn to say “no” and set boundaries * We don’t go see certain family members * We give ourselves permission to just let it be a normal day * We ask for help, and we learn to (graciously) accept that help * We make the gift-giving a “Secret Santa” kinda thing so we only have to get one gift * We send cards and letters only to close friends and family, instead of to everyone and their dog * We accept that our holidays might not look like a Norman Rockwell painting or a Hallmark movie or whatever’s going on on Pinterest, and that’s okay * We make space for grief and other messy feelings * We cancel plans and don’t feel guilty about it * We make time to rest
Let’s talk about something called the “sunk cost fallacy”.
Say that you’ve bought a concert ticket for $50 for a band that you don’t know that well. Half an hour into the show, you realize that you don’t actually enjoy the music and you aren’t having a good time - instead of leaving the concert to go do something else, however, you sit through the remaining hours of the concert because you don’t want to “waste” the cost of the ticket.
The “sunk cost fallacy” is something that all humans are prone to when we make decisions. Simply put, it’s the human tendency to consider past costs when we make choices, even when those costs are no longer relevant. When you’re deciding whether or not to stay at that concert you aren’t enjoying, you will likely consider the cost of the ticket when you’re making your decision - for instance, you’d probably be a lot more willing to leave a $5 concert that you aren’t enjoying than a $50 concert that you aren’t enjoying. But taking the cost of the ticket into account at all is a mistake.
When you’re making a rational decision, the only thing that matters is the future. Time, effort and money that you’re spent up until that point no longer matter - it doesn’t make sense to consider them, because no matter what you decide, you can’t actually get them back. They are “sunk” costs. If you decide to stay at that concert, you are out $50 and you’ll have a mediocre evening. If you decide to go leave and do something more fun, you are out $50 and you’ll have a better evening. No matter what you choose, you have lost $50 - but choosing to leave the concert means that you haven’t also spent an evening doing something you don’t like.
The sunk cost fallacy is sometimes also described as “throwing good money after bad” - people will waste additional time, resources and effort simply to justify the fact that they’ve already wasted time, resources and effort, even if it leaves them worse off overall.
Common examples of sunk cost fallacy in everyday life include:
refusing to get rid of clothes that don’t fit or that you never wear because they were expensive
going to an event that you no longer want to go to because you already bought the ticket
spending more and more money on repairing a car or computer (or something else that depreciates in value over time) instead of buying a new one because you don’t want to waste the money you put into earlier repairs
continuing to watch a movie or TV show you aren’t enjoying anymore because you’ve already watched part of it
finishing a plate of food that you’re not enjoying or are too full to enjoy, because you don’t want to waste it
refusing to get rid of unused, unwanted or broken items in your home because the items were expensive
Perhaps the most damaging example of sunk cost fallacy in everyday life, however, is relationships.
People often use the length of a relationship to justify staying in it. You’ve probably heard this logic - you may even have used it yourself:
“I can’t break up with him or the two years we spent together will be for nothing.”
“If I leave her, it will mean I wasted the five years I spent with her.”
The reality, though, is that staying in a mediocre relationship doesn’t “give you back” the time you’ve already invested in that relationship. It just makes the relationship longer. If you stay in a bad relationship for five more years to avoid “wasting” the first two, you haven’t actually made those first two years worthwhile - you’ve simply spent seven years of your life in a bad relationship. There’s nothing we can do to recover time and effort (and in most cases, money) that we’ve already spent. But we can forgive ourselves, and we can stop letting our past mistakes continue to define our futures.
To put it in Marie Kondo’s words, those things have served their purpose to you, even if their only purpose was to teach you that you do not like that thing. That ticket has now taught you that you do not like this type of band/concert, and leaving the concert is not a waste of that ticket because the ticket has already served its purpose to you. Don’t hold onto things solely out of guilt, because their purpose in your life is over now, and holding onto them will not bring you joy.
the most fucking annoying thing in US politics is, whenever there’s a strike, people going “well MY working conditions are even worse and you don’t see me complaining”. maybe you should complain actually! maybe we should collectively drop the mindset that unnecessary suffering proves merit! how fucking brainwashed do you have to be to BRAG about being treated like shit. I hate this country so much god bless❤️
maybe we should collectively drop the mindset that unnecessary suffering proves merit!
it’s so nice being fond of people on here :-) like yeah maybe we only know each other in a very limited way but i care abt you guys & hearing abt your lives makes me happy & i like listening to the things u have to say & i really truly wish the best for you all!!! sending my love from a couple states, countries, oceans away
