• Oboe: I bought shot-glasses and cigarette paper this weekend.... NO IT'S FOR MY OBOE I SWEAR
  • Flute: Yeah, she said she was going to do the Chaminade too. Looks like we'll have two people playing the concertino for the solo show this year, or there's always murder, you know
  • clarinet: It's my reed. Hold on I'll get another one out... also if another person asks me to play the mozart clarinet concerto i'll slap a bitch
  • Bassoon: could you scoot over a bit? I need more space to lean my bassoon... My posture is just fine, THANKS
  • Saxophone: shit. i still have my neck-strap on don't I?
  • Drums: Is the snare on? GOD, who turned the snare off again?! AND! Where the frickity frack are my sticks?
  • timpani: i gotta tune the timpani. hold on
  • trumpet: i hate partial jumping practice so much
  • trombone: Do you want to hear my gliss?
  • tuba: i literally play four notes the entire piece..,.
  • horn: look i don't know why we stick the hand in the bell. don't ask. it's just how it is
  • cello: yeah my cello cost 13,000 and my bow is custom made, so it's like 6,000 and my new case which is shock absorbent, fireproof and waterproof cost like 7,500
  • viola: I know we're trying to play louder it's the loudest i can get i know i know i'm so sick of pizzicato accompaniment give me a break please
  • violin: um I can't see the concertmaster's bowings from back here... yeah i know i can watch the person in front of me im not stupid it's just...
  • double bass: how the fuck am I supposed to carry this thing through the door? Hey, can you hold it open for me