Icon from a picrew by grgikau. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
pratchett will write an entire book about the grim reaper pretending to be santa claus while the grim reaper’s granddaughter goes about hunting down the dumbass who decided to kill santa, and then right when you think you’re done and the oddly pointed shenanigans are winding down he hits you with “humans need fantasy to be human. to be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape,” and knocks you into next wednesday
“Why does the third of the three brothers, who shares his food with the old woman in the wood, go on to become king of the country? Why does James Bond manage to disarm the nuclear bomb a few seconds before it goes off rather than, as it were, a few seconds afterwards? Because a universe where that did not happen would be a dark and hostile place. Let there be goblin hordes, let there be terrible environmental threats, let there be giant mutated slugs if you really must, but let there also be hope. It may be a grim, thin hope, an Arthurian sword at sunset, but let us know that we do not live in vain.”
[ID: a series of tweets by twitter user TheOperaGeek, on 6/8/2020.
“There were times when the world did not need policemen, because what it really did need was for somebody who knew what they were doing to shut it all down and start it all up again so that THIS time it could be done properly.” -Terry Pratchett, Snuff
“…but what should we do when the highborn and wealthy take to crime? Indeed, if a poor man will spend a year in prison for stealing out of hunger, how high would the gallows need to be to hang the rich man who breaks the law out of greed?” - Terry Pratchett, Snuff
“I’m not a natural killer! See this? See what it says? I’m supposed to KEEP the peace, I am! If I kill people to do it, I’m reading the wrong manual!” - Watch Commander Sam Vimes on policing (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)
“‘He asked you to shoot at people who weren’t shooting back,’ growled Vimes, striding forward. […] ‘They are throwing STONES, Sarge,’ said Colon. ‘So? Stay out of range. They’ll get tired before we do.’” - Sam Vimes on policing, again. (Terry Pratchett, Night Watch)
“No excuses. No excuses at all. Once you had a good excuse, you opened the door to bad excuses.” - Terry Pratchett, THUD!
“And if you did it for a good reason, you’d do it for a bad one. You couldn’t say ‘we’re the good guys’ and do bad-guy things.” - Vimes on policing & excuses, part three. (Terry Pratchett, THUD!)
“But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality.” - The Dragon on human nature, part two (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)
“You couldn’t say ‘I had orders.’ You couldn’t say ‘It’s not fair.’ No one was listening. There were no Words. You owned yourself. […] Not ‘Thou Shalt Not” Say ‘I WILL NOT’.“ - Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
“And, while it was regarded as pretty good evidence of criminality to be living in a slum, for SOME reason owning a whole street of them merely got you invited to the very best social occasions.” - Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
“For the enemy is not Troll, nor is it Dwarf, but it is the baleful, the malign, the cowardly, the vessels of hatred, those who do a bad thing and call it good.” - Terry Pratchett, THUD!
So one thing I noticed about Pratchett is how he weaves humor into everything, mostly descriptions.
1 Starting with the mundane stuff (setup) and ending with the most important thing (punchline).
Color of Magic:
“The guard followed the coins that fell one by one along the dark alley. The rest fell on his head all at once, still in the bag.”
Light Fantastic:
“Does that mushroom look strange to you?”
“Is it the tall stalk?”
“No.”
“The wide cap?”
“No.”
“The frilly gills?”
“No, I mean the door and windows.”
Equal Rites:
“You could tell he was a wizard because of his long robes and careen staff, and the fact that rain steamed off a foot above his head.”
This is an inversion of efficient writing - instead of only using the importaint details to create an impression in minimal words,you intentionally put less relevant stuff in the way to set up a comical twist.
2 Changing the word type, eg onomatopeia into an adjective, or adjectives into adverbs - especially if it ends with -y:
Equal Rites:
“[…] the wizard would sigh, pick up his staff, and continue on his squelchy progress.”
Sourcery:
“[Wuffles] waded over painfully, squinting shortsightedly.”
3 Not using the first comparison that comes to mind, but digging for an unexpected one:
Color of Magic:
“He had a massive body and a small head with a mop of wild hair, like a tomato on a coffin.”
Equal Rites:
“She thrust her hand and the braclets clashed like a percussionist section tumbling down a cliff.”
Guards! Guards!:
“[Carrot] raised himself like a barn.”
“[Sybil] bore down uppon [Sam] like a glittering siege engine. […] Her boosom rose and fell like empires.”
4 Describing inanimate things as if they’re animated:
Color of Magic:
“The words backed up in Rincewind’s throat, afraid to go out into the dangerous world.”
Equal Rites:
“The storm walked on legs of lightning, shouting and grumbling.”
“The conversation wandered off like a puppy.”
5 Puns:
“Mazda Fingers, the frst thief, stole fire from the gods. He couldn’t fence it. It was too hot. He realy got burned on that deal.”
“[Vimes] didn’t like cermonial armor. It was gilt by association.”
“[Vetinari] didn’t administer a reign of terror, just the occasional light shower.”
“The Ramkins were more highly bred than a hilltop bakery.”
Check the list of homophones for ideas and inspiration.
“‘All witches are selfish,’ the Queen had said. But Tiffany thought: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!”
“Why does the third of the three brothers, who shares his food with the old woman in the wood, go on to become king of the country? Why does James Bond manage to disarm the nuclear bomb a few seconds before it goes off rather than, as it were, a few seconds afterwards? Because a universe where that did not happen would be a dark and hostile place. Let there be goblin hordes, let there be terrible environmental threats, let there be giant mutated slugs if you really must, but let there also be hope. It may be a grim, thin hope, an Arthurian sword at sunset, but let us know that we do not live in vain.”
— Terry Pratchett, “Let There Be Dragons” (A Slip of the Keyboard)
This is exactly why grimdark GoT-type fantasy does exactly nothing for me.
you know what actually pisses me off? when I finally start to feel a smidge of confidence in my writing ability and then some JERK POSTS A SINGLE LINE FROM A TERRY PRATCHETT NOVEL AND IT’S BETTER THAN ANYTHING I WILL EVER WRITE NO MATTER HOW MANY MILLENNIA I SPEND TRYING!
Terry was a professional writer from the age of 17. He worked as a journalist which meant that he had to learn to research, write and edit his own work very quickly or else he’d lose his job.
He was 23 when his first novel was published. After six years of writing professionally every single day. The Carpet People was a lovely novel, from a lovely writer, but almost all of Terry’s iconic truth bomb lines come from Discworld.
The Colour of Magic, the first ever Discworld novel was published in 1983. Terry was 35 years old. He had been writing professionally for 18 years. His career was old enough to vote, get married and drink. We now know that at 35 he was, tragically, over half way through his life. And do you know what us devoted, adoring Discworld fans say about The Colour of Magic? “Don’t start with Colour of Magic.”
It is the only reading order rule we ever give people. Because it’s not that great. Don’t get me wrong, very good book, although I’ll be honest I’ve never been able to finish it, but it’s nowhere near his later stuff. Compare it to Guards Guards, The Fifth Elephant, the utterly iconic Nightwatch and it pales in comparison because even after nearly 20 years of writing, half a lifetime of loving books and storytelling Terry was still learning.
He was a man with a wonderful natural talent, yes. But more importantly he worked and worked and worked to be a better writer. He was writing up until days before he died. He spent 49 years learning and growing as a writer, taking so much joy in storytelling that not even Alzheimer’s could steal it from him. He wouldn’t want that joy stolen from you too.
Terry was a wonderful, kind, compassionate, genius of a writer. And all of this was in spite of many many people telling him he wasn’t good enough. At the age of five his headmaster told him that he would never amount to anything. He died a knight of the realm and one of the most beloved writers ever to have lived in a country with a vast and rich literary tradition. He wouldn’t let anyone tell him that he wasn’t good enough. And he wouldn’t want you to think you aren’t good enough. He especially wouldn’t want to be the reason why you think you aren’t good enough.
You’re not Terry Pratchett.
You are you.
And Terry would love that.
“On the disc, the gods aren’t so much worshipped, as they are blamed”
