Icon from a picrew by grgikau. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
When you’re tired, stressed, burned out, depressed, or just busy, figuring out how to feed yourself multiple times a day can take more energy than you have to give. Here’s a resource I’ve been leaning on lately so that feeding myself is easier.
I’ve never been a meal prepper because I don’t like eating leftovers over and over, and taping a written list of snack ideas to the pantry hasn’t worked for me in the past. When I tried a visual method by saving a folder of photos on my phone, something clicked. I’m a visual person—of course I would benefit from seeing a personal menu of food in my own kitchen! (I haven’t tried it, but I imagine a visual menu would work for kids too.) Right now, my menu has a lot of appetizer-type finger foods on it because that’s what sounds good and doesn’t take long to make or reheat. Maybe I’ll change my menu out seasonally like a restaurant…
Anyway, I hope this sparks an idea for you if deciding what food to make is a struggle. If not this method exactly, experiment and see what makes the task easier for you! I’m all for saving energy on daily, routine tasks so that I can spend it where it’s really important.
I don’t know if I’ve spelled it out on tumblr yet, but I want to talk about The Mammal List.
The Mammal List is something I came up with when I was in a mental health intensive outpatient program four(!!) years ago. The premise is that we are at our core animals, and if I consider myself the way I’d consider a pet cat, I’m much more likely to practice good self-care:
1. Mammals need food. Eat something! If the Hellbeast doesn’t pass judgment on a piece of cheese, neither should you. (She also eats anything small enough to fit in her mouth, so be judicious in that respect. Food is good. Lint is not.)
2. Mammals need hydration. Drink something! It doesn’t have to be water. It could be delicious tuna juice. You’re a discerning creature. I trust you.
3. Mammals need sleep. Make a soft nest and let yourself enjoy it. Knead it until it’s comfortable. Let yourself rest as long as you need. Just existing is hard. You’ve earned a break.
4. Mammals need movement. Take your precious body and do something. Don’t hurt yourself. Be kind.
5. Mammals need stimulation. Treat yourself to a new jingle ball or mousie toy. Get a bird feeder and stare at it. Let yourself really enjoy it. Play is in your nature.
6. Mammals need socialization. I know this one is particularly difficult these days, but if you don’t keep reaching out, you’re going to forget yourself and start biting people.
7. Mammals need cleanliness. Nobody likes scooping the litterbox, but it has to be done. Don’t forget your own body. Make your fur shine. Treat yourself as the luminous creature you are.
And most important of all: don’t feel guilty. This isn’t about deserving (although you do deserve it). You’re an animal and you need these things to survive, and I very much want you to survive.
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Here’s the thing. Practical self-care, such as showering, feeding yourself, talking a walk, cleaning your space, getting rest, ect. will not solve every problem you have. Especially the big, serious ones. But it will solve a ton of smaller problems that are building up, adding to your stress, and using the energy you need to cope with those big serious problems.
You can feel as awful as you want, just eat a sandwich first.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if the phrase “self care” doesn’t resonate with you, try calling it “system maintenance” and see if that clicks.
“Appropriate enrichment and husbandry” is also available if you’re animal rather than machine inclined.
1. Expect some people to reject you. It’s a fact of life that we won’t like everyone – and there will be people who don’t like us. It often has to do with different personalities rather than something being wrong with you.
2. Learn how to brush off rejections and put downs – at the end what matters is how you handle it. If you still act as if you are comfortable with “you” then others will respect you for your healthy self-esteem.
3. It’s often about them and not about you so try not to take rejection personally. Perhaps they are jealous or envious of you; or perhaps they’re just taking their feelings out on you.
4. People rarely see us in absolute terms. There are some things they will like and others they’ll dislike. It may be they hate one particular trait – but we’re a mix of many things - so don’t worry about that.
5. Don’t over-think what other people think or say. Distract yourself, and think of something else instead. They’re not worth the effort or the wasted energy. Just get on with your life and enjoy being you.
i fucking hate self care posts made by neurotypicals so here’s one from someone who Actually Gets It
-can’t shower or take a bath? me either. dry shampoo can make your hair look and feel cleaner, and baby wipes or makeup wipes work great to get the top layer of grime off your skin.
-can’t wash your sheets and make your bed? i feel you. push your blankets out of the way and shake the crumbs off your sheet. it will at least be a bit more comfortable.
-can’t even change out of your dirty pajamas? been there. hit yourself with some febreeze and a lint roller. if you can, brush your hair. if you can’t, hair ties and bobby pins are fantastic.
-can’t make anything to eat? same. if you can, there’s no shame in ordering food. in fact, it’s probably better you eat something rather than go hungry. if you can’t, try and find something that comes pre-made or takes minimal effort to make. at the very least, drink some water.
can’t respond to messages or reach out for help? yeah, i get that. set an alarm for a few hours from now and respond to any messages you need to once you’ve given yourself time to prepare. if they’re Important Messages that need Professional Responses, you can find fill-in-the-blank format rough drafts on google. as far as personal messages go, don’t feel bad for sending a mass “I’m sorry, I’m in a personal emergency right now. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” response to everyone.
-can’t even sleep because it’s so bad? asmr videos always knock me out, personally, but i also watch a lot of bob ross. just try to find something quiet and soothing to use as background noise and take your mind off it, or at least give you a more peaceful environment to think about it.
-can’t go for a walk/drive? try opening the blinds or curtains. you’re still exposing yourself to the outside world. baby steps. (i also play animal crossing or sims; it may be virtual but fuck it. i went on a walk.)
-can’t go into work/school? let people know. let your coworkers or classmates know it’s an emergency and you can’t make it. give yourself up to two days, but then you have to go back. ask to have your work emailed to you so you know what you missed.
-can’t brush your teeth and wash your face? makeup or baby wipes and gum or mouthwash. don’t let yourself physically rot bc you’re rotting emotionally.
-remember that you’ve been here before. if you survived then you can survive now. that’s what this is about- survival. you don’t have to be living your Best Life. right now, it’s more than enough that you’re alive.
