SO I RUN FRANTICALLY INTO KROGER TO GET KETCHUP BEFORE MY MCNUGGETS GET COLD
AND AS I STAND AT THE SELF CHECK OUT WITH ONLY A JUMBO BOTTLE OF HEINZ TOMATO KETCHUP EVERYONE STARTS FUCKING LAUGHING AT ME LIKE WHAT THE HELL
THEN I REMEMBER IM WEARING THIS SHIRT
I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW
In heinzsight you should have checked what you were wearing.
Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
Goth
Out of every pun and play on words I’ve seen on this site, this is the one that makes me so unreasonably angry.
This is likely to be my husband’s only contribution to Tumblr.
It’s a Hungry Hungry Hip Yo.
THE LAST ONE
Me: “Boys, your mom likes hearty greens but me… I couldn’t kale less.”
(Silence)
Me: “You didn’t like that joke?”
3yo: “What joke?”
The Dragonriders of Pun
I’ve been thinking, and… how do Pern’s settlers make any clothes if they keep burning all the Thread?
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Ever heard of the Hatching that resulted in zero new dragonriders? I guess the dragons just weren’t very Impressed.
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Those watchers aren’t quite dragons, but at least they’re pretty good at telling people wher the danger is.
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(Imaginary chat with) Thread during the Long Interval: “Are you going to rain down and burn everything again this time?” “No, we’ll Pass.”
Everyone else after the Long Interval: “Well, Weyr screwed now.”
The same people after Dragonflight: “All right, maybe we’re Lessa screwed.”
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A bonded dragon’s death can Brekke the rider’s mind, but thankfully, it isn’t always permanent.
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When Jaxom Impressed his white dragon, I guess allowing him to keep the bond involved Benden the rules a bit… although the alternative would have been a little too Ruthless. Then again, if they hadn’t, they would have learned to Ruatha day they made that decision.
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Why would anyone want to destroy such AIVAS store of knowledge? That wasn’t a very bright move.
he needs those parts for his space ship
he’s going to otter space
Today’s Office Dalek: Baker Dalek! He opened up a bakery called Extermi-Cakes! Only use GRANULATE-d sugar!
ugly:
What do you call the security guards outside Samsung shops?
what
Guardians of the Galaxy
Joke of the day.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”
“Yes.”
“Oui.”
“Sí.”
“Ja.”what
Took me about ten minutes to finally understand this
stupidest/most awesome joke ever
*groans*
I reblog this for copperbadge who does appreciate poor puns.I ADMIT I LOLED.