daenerys-targaryen:

real talk no joke if this site ever closes its gates and shuts down I will literally be so fucking inconsolable it’s not even funny.

theundergroundwoman:

for the love of god please let the gays run away together at least once successfully

anxietyproblem:

nothingbutloveforyou:

i’m so sleepy and i just want to be held by someone who makes me feel safe

snowkissedmonsters:

I kinda want a big sexy monster to treat me like a cat…. let me go about my fiendish personal plans but stop by to leave a kiss on my forehead while I’m napping on the couch… spontaneously just pick me up and set me down in front of a plate of food… let me cuddle up at night time… prevent me from terrorising the local ecosystem… etc etc

lumsel:

martyrz:

If a hot bi girl wanted to fix me I would let her

if a hot bi girl wanted to make me worse i would let her

luna-mistrunner:

I wanna see a fat and muscular butch on screen preferably as the hero of the story please thanks.

manywinged:

i want claws as long as my forearms and a hundred razor sharp teeth. i also want to be hugged and kissed and petted on my small sad head.

thevanillahorizon:

omgthatdress:

stevonnie:

stevonnie:

stevonnie:

if i ever get another chinchilla i will name him vinny the chin after the former mafia crime boss who once held me as a baby

ok i might not have been directly in the arms of vinny the chin himself now that i think about it but basically what happened is that my mom had been following his trials when it was going on back in the late 90′s and like. she was on this flight that also fuckin happened to be transporting this mob boss to his next trial so like there were a bunch of mafia people on this plane with him and my mother was like “holy shit, it’s vinny the chin” and she literally started?? talking to these mafia guys. and she had to run to the bathroom and for some reason was like “can you watch my kid for me for a second” so my mom left me with the mafia. and she kind of? didn’t think about it? and realized fully what she had done as she was washing her hands so she like runs back out and i was fine. they were playing with me and i was laughing. i think it made the news. anyway that’s the story of how baby me enamored a bunch of mobsters

my mom found the article AND the boarding pass from that specific plane trip… i didn’t realize he was literally on his way to prison… i’m crying… anyway, this is the proof behind the text post. i’m the baby

I am so obsessed with this post you guys have no idea.

and let’s admit it

through an unlikely series of events, a bunch of mobsters are left in charge of looking after a baby is the greatest 90s comedy never made.

This is much funnier than the story that my grandmother used to tell about my dad taking a shit on Dolly Parton’s boobs.

@thevanillahorizon YOU CANNOT JUST DROP THAT AND GO??!!!

mpregcraig:

At night I dream of public transportation networks so efficient they make cars obsolete