we like to poke some good-natured fun at pelicans on this website, with their awkward gait, doofy faces, and pragmatic “if it fits, a snack is its” attitude towards any animal that it can physically fit into its beak!

HOWEVER. there is one VERY IMPORTANT FACT that we regularly fail to consider here:

pelicans are fucking Ginormous.

these fuckers can be up to five feet in length, with 10-foot wingspans, putting them right up there with SWANS in the Fuckoff Huge waterfowl tier!

HOWEVER, (again! that’s two uppercase “however’s” in one post!) while pelicans are comparable to swans in terms of sheer bonkers size, the two are not at ALL similar in terms of temperament!

while swans are unpredictable, easily angered, and dangerous animals, pelicans really… aren’t.

they’re really just dudes, is what I’m saying here.

yeah, the worst you might get off a pelican unprovoked is an accidental wing bonk, or an experimental beak nibble to see If You Fit In The Beak.

“you do not. my apologies, have a good day.”

a pelican is more likely to steal your phone than to do you any serious bodily harm!

hooray?

*muffled ringing from inside the beak*