idk when we decided that explaining yourself shouldn’t be part of an apology but like. if someone was a dick to me and apologizes but I still don’t understand why they did it I’m not gonna feel any better
“Sorry for hurting your feelings earlier. I was trying to say x, but I guess it came across wrong. I don’t think you’re stupid.”
or
“Sorry I snapped at you. I didn’t get enough sleep last night so my patience is a little low today.”
is a better apology than
“I want you to know that I am sorry that my actions offended you. I take full accountability for my actions and I am listening and learning. I hear you.”
Oh I know this! It’s because any explanation was taken as trying to excuse one’s actions and garner sympathy from the one being apologized to thereby negating their own hurt feelings.