imaginariumgeographica:

kaylapocalypse:

breelandwalker:

wicked-bitch-of-thewest:

tariqk:

ilaney:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

kuroba101:

slatestarscratchpad:

Once upon a time there was a small desert village with a single well outside town. One day a young woman went to the well to fetch water, and the well heard her crying, and asked “What’s wrong?”

She stopped her sobbing and asked the well “You can talk?”

“Yes,” said the well. “Long ago, the witch who lives in this town gave me life so I could serve as a guardian to the townspeople.”

“Alas,” said the young woman. “I am the daughter of that witch. She lived in peace with the townsfolk for many years. But the new mayor, who is a violent and hateful man, riled the people up against her, and they burned her at the stake. I am young and still do not know very much magic. I tried to curse them, but my curses fizzled. Now I worry I will never avenge my mother’s death.”

“Do not be afraid,” said the well. “I will take care of this.”

The next morning, when the Mayor came to fetch water from the well, he heard an odd noise coming from the bottom. He peered over as far as he could to see what was happening. Then an impossibly long arm shot up from the bottom of the well, grabbed the mayor, and pulled him into the well shaft. There was a horrible crunching sound, and nobody ever saw the Mayor again. The townsfolk apologized to the witch’s daughter, and they all lived happily ever after.

Moral of the story: living well is the best revenge

@thefingerfuckingfemalefury I think you’ll appreciate this pun.

Oh my god that pun :D

@puncromancer

@herr-mancyni @bikerkitten

@shittybeatnik @grimoire-of-geekery @breelandwalker I love this

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

yikes 

@shamrockjolnes @nyquildriver

scienceshenanigans:

justbadpuns:

The rotation of Earth really makes my day

socklessfuck:

richiewhite:

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “you’re in here alot, are you an alcoholic?”

The horse ponders for a minute and responds “I don’t think I am”
And poof he disappears

This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, “I think, therefore I am.”

But telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse

missenchantment:

gracetheacefromouterspace:

So I was at rehearsal today and our director was telling us a bit about theater history and common phrases. He asked, “Does anyone know why we say break a leg?” That is when my meme-loving, air horn honking friend decided to raise his hand and answer, “It’s because we’re in a cast.”

@barfingunicorn