oh my GOD, okay, it’s happening- everybody stay calm, everybody stay CALM, stay FUCKING CALM

first doctor: initially, he’s all hee hee hoo hoo wacky space granddad, but then he’s always telling her to stay in the tardis and stand here and go there and wait and- she doesn’t listen to a word of it. they don’t mesh

second doctor: he radiates lethal amounts of crackhead energy and she isn’t quite sure how to navigate that. might have to pair her with a slightly more down-to-earth doctor

third doctor: yeaaaah baby, now we’re cooking with nitro-9. he’s always saying stuff like “i’m a doctor of everything, miss jones” and “i have thousands of years of experience, miss jones” and then he immediately gets his shit wrecked and martha launches in to rescue him like

fourth doctor: she’s had to tell him off once or twice for sheltering her, but he got the message pretty quick and now they’re constantly running head-first into danger. in fact, out of the pair of them, martha is the sane one. four is at the controls and she’s like

fifth doctor: martha has family problems. that’s established. i think she’d love to travel with five’s posse of queer youth, if for no other reason than to get a lot of hugs and cool outfits. i want this now

sixth doctor: if he acts the fuck up, he gets smacked the fuck up, and he learned that almost immediately. now they have an unsurpassed mutual respect for one another. no strained relationship, no thin ice. just vibes. martha does have a love-hate relationship with the coat, though

seventh doctor: when they click, they click, but when they clash, they clash hard. they’re both too stubborn for each other and it can create a Difficult Working Environment. i love seven but i’m not sure they’d play nice

eighth doctor: oh. oh ho ho. oh my god. can you even begin to imagine? his stories are so insane and terrifying, and his character is such a liminally-dwelling cryptid - i think she’d sense him in her vicinity like how birds sense tsunamis. at first, she’s like “haha, this pretty guy is so silly, he’s making me pancakes!” and then he does Something and she’s like

ninth doctor: sad bitches UNITE. this is lonely hearts solidarity. they sass each other to death out of spite for the world and then share a snuggie, pull out their VHS copy of The Notebook, and drink a pina colada with two straws

tenth doctor: we know how that went down….

eleventh doctor: like with the second doctor, i think he’s slightly too rabid and alien for martha to deal with. he’s always bouncing off the walls and spinning in circles and diverging neurologically and she just needs someone consistent to throw her tether around. we need a shoulder to cry on, STAT

twelfth doctor: unrivaled. unmatched. undefeated. they meet and she’s like “you’re the most fucked up old man i’ve ever met (affectionate)” and he’s like “you’re the most practical and level-headed person in my life (derogatory)” and they hit it off splendidly

thirteenth doctor: similar to eight. martha can feel the extremely disturbing and eldritch miasma that thirteen emanates and is immediately put off by it. nothing against thirteen, but martha gets within twenty feet of her and this warning message pops up in her brain

in conclusion, i love martha very much and she’s a bamf