Icon from a picrew by grgikau. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
I can’t let this cross my dash without bringing in the picture that @rustythechainsaw was inspired to draw when he first heard about this.
[Image description: brightly-colored cartoonish illustration of several mermaids perched on a rock in the middle of the ocean. In the background, a volcano is erupting. The mermaids are blaring alarm noises (e.g. “EEEEooooEEEEoooo”) and one is waving semaphore flags.]
[Image ID: A female mermaid in an arctic sea with dark skin and long black hair. She’s fat and her lower half is an orca whale. She’s smiling and leaning against an ice floe.]
If I were rich here’s what I’d do with my free time okay
Mermaid pranks
Let me explain. So, I’d get one of those super fancy mermaid tails, like those sick as hell silicone ones that has the super long thick tail that uses like, toe pullies and stuff to make the fins move in cool and impossible ways. like this
And I would go all fucking out on this fit okay. We’re talking diving lessons until I can hold my breath for 7 minutes and go deep as fuck. Long hair, starfish, scales up to my tits, those funky contacts that make it so you can see under water, all of it- everything I could to make myself look as “thing of the deep but hot” as possible.
Then, I’d go get some shiny valuable rocks. Pearls, Uncut gems, like super fuck’n nice ones like diamonds and shit, and ofc some gold coins. Then I’d dawn my mermaid fit and hit public waterways. Rivers, beys, lakes, places where people are around and might be swimming, but where I’m not gonna die via boat propeller, and not super crowded areas where a lot of people are swimming.
Then I just prank people by poking my head out of the water and surprising them, then I motion them closer and reach into my hair or satchel or something and give them a fucking emerald, smiling all big the whole time then I just- swim the fuck away.
What the fuck they gonna do now!? Keep it as a fun memory of that time a fuck’n mermaid larper gave them a shiny rock? Never know it’s actually valuable? Or do they take it to a jeweler and find out it’s real? How the fuck are they gonna explain that. They gonna tell the jeweler a fuck’n mermaid gave it to them?! I think the fuck not.
Gonna pop up at the peir and smile at people and give gold coins to whoever stops. Kids are gonna freak. Put a little wonder back in the world. Flirt with pretty girls. Swim down rivers, pop up and surprise some old lady sitting by the water and give her an uncut diamond then swim away without a word.
Get a reputation as the weird lesbian mermaid who gives out precious gems and never speaks then suddenly stop without warning for like three years to give people time to forget me then do it all again.
