valucard:

neonbuck:

valucard:

I go outside regularly

no you don’t

okay fine I go outside weirdly

filmnoirsbian:

Every single time a trivia show has a question that I know the answer to but none of the contestants do I’m like God if only I was there…I would win that whole game…ignoring the fact that I cannot answer the other 19 out of 20 questions

riotmlllf:

if you tag me in a chain post and i don’t do it it’s not because i hate you it’s because i am very lazy. i love you thank you for tagging me.

spiritunwilling:

gods weakest soldier. minor events kick the shit out of me daily god hands me his lightest battles and i start sniffling and fumbling the bag

idontknowokayhelp:

Me: *listens to my own playlist*

Me: fucking masterpiece

langernameohnebedeutung:

Im not my blorbo’s defence lawyer. I’m their rich mom at parent night and for the money I’m paying this place, my little darling treasure gets to bite as many classmates as they like

lionfloss:

one thing about me is I’m gonna go home

thoodleoo:

me: okay i’ve complained enough about this it’s time to put it to rest

me five minutes later: actually you know what-

intensional:

Anyone else not cut out for all this

onlyhams:

hey bestie! just letting you know i’m transforming into something unspeakable