jenniferwaltersesquire:

you know how in fics a lot of the time the team will go and get massively drunk and have shenanigans and bruce will just be sitting off to the side nursing a beer watching them?

imagine if he just starts keeping a composition notebook filled with his “scientific observations” of the goings-on, except it’s really just bruce snarkily making fun of the rest of them behind the mask of the scientific method

“march 5th, 11:45 pm: 7 drinks in, clint’s behavior is becoming extremely erratic; subject has attempted 4 backflips within five minutes despite being too inebriated to walk in a straight line (see data from test sequence 3-5 beta), is signing songs from “the lion king” at volume of approximately 80 decibels; further observations required”

“data series TS12; quantity of alcohol ingested by tony before he challenges natasha to a contest of strength or skill; see accompanying histogram”

“april 27th, 1:03 am: steve has consumed approximately 2.4 liters of asgardian mead over the course of 2 hours; subject is currently in the eighteenth minute of continuous, aggravated speech about ‘people who don’t realize what a gift vaccinations are do you know how much whooping cough sucks’; compare to observations from february 23rd-24th and march 27-28th”

“data series SW03; number of times sam uses the word “awesome” in a sentence vs level of alcohol consumption”

“may 14th, 12:47 am: thor has challenged steve to a one-armed push up contest. maria insists that it must be done shirtless ‘in the interests of fairness’”

I have found the Avengers shirts that I want. Who is going to buy them for me?

Hulk: That’s my secret. I’m always angry.

Captain America: Bisexual as fuck

Hawkeye: Archery is sexy.

There was a display of those coke bottles with names on them at the store, so of course I had to put Clint and Natasha next to each other.

enoughpayne:

how much do you want to bet that sam was one of the first people to treat steve like a human but not only a human but like a veteran

like really, when you look at captain america’s public image (star-spangled man with a plan), he’s so Strong and Unbreakable (he stayed alive in the arctic for 70 years like holy shit)

but sam has dealt with so many veterans and has had soooo many good strong soldiers break down to him that he could see through steve’s act and his snark and addresses what he knows might be part of what’s bothering steve cause that’s what he went through and sam relates to him on such a human level and then steve shows up at the VA and then at his house and he treats sam like a brother in arms