Icon from a picrew by grgikau. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
Omg, it’s NOT cute that calling nonbinary people “they/thems” or “she/theys” ect has become like a default normalized thing even outside of trans people joking around.
It’s real weird and hackle-raising seeing presumably cis people (but honestly anyone) be like “some he/they I met” or what have you. That’s so dehumanizing and no one would say that about cis people. Just say nonbinary person you lunatics. Jfc
if your sexuality feels constricting or like a set of rules you HAVE follow then maybe you just… aren’t that sexuality pal
like this literally goes for everyone not just lesbians like if you’re straight but wish you weren’t so you could fuck someone then i have good news for you!
tbh it’s really sad how most people who are questioning their gender/sexuality will say stuff like “well i feel like this label fits me and it describes my experiences really well and i feel happy using this label BUT i don’t 100% fit the definition so am i allowed to call myself that??”
like yes!! yes yes YES you are ABSOLUTELY allowed to call yourself that!! it’s OKAY if you don’t fit the rigid definition of a label, if it fits you and it makes you happy, you are totally allowed to use it!!
or people will be like “well i feel like BOTH these labels fit me am i allowed to use both?? do i have to pick just one i don’t want to they both fit me so well” you can use both!! even if a label is “contradictory” or whatever if it makes you happy you can use it!! you don’t have to fit the rigid definition, it’s okay!! do what makes you happy!!
at the end of the day it all boils down to what makes you happy!! if you feel like an identity fits you, you can use that label even if you don’t 100% fit the definition or you have another label that might “contradict” it!!
be happy!! live your life use whatever labels you want it’s okay!! laugh and live and smile and breathe go outside and look at the sky and feel the wind rush past you and smile and it’s all going to be okay. do what makes you happy!! i love you <3
Pretty much all labels are arbitrary shit we made up. If it doesn’t refer to something you can measure and quantify, it’s just existing for our convenience.
Almost no one holds to everything their religion teaches, but they call themselves whatever anyway. The same applies to any kind of identity thing.
Grammatically speaking, Pronouns are a game we play with society.
A crew of sailors discuss their ship. “her mast is strong but the sails need changin. She’s a beaut though.”
I see a fancy rock on my hike. I pick it up, turn to my friend and say “Look at him, he’s so handsome”
A group of our sparkling Gay gentlemen meet up for a night out. “Girl, Daniel’s serving up looks tonight. Queen! She’s stunning love. She’s killin it.”
My neighbor needs a cup of sugar, I take some to them.
My lesbian friend wants to introduce me to her fellow female partner. “There’s Star, he’s wearing the blue jacket. Let’s catch up with him”
What’s real is how respect for one another makes us feel. He/him lesbians deserve your respect.
Pronouns are also more related to gender presentation than gender itself for some people!
Lesbians calling themselves “fathers”, “husbands”, “boyfriends”, “handsome”, and other words associated with men are a part of their gender presentation as masculine women as well as their reclamation of the idea that “lesbians just want to be men”. He/Him pronouns is just a part of that!
i apologize for being nosy, and please don't answer this if you don't want to, but i remember a few years ago you had identified as asexual and i was wondering if you still do? i did for a long time but i'm with a new partner now and i'm starting to wonder if maybe the connection just wasn't right with anyone before and that's why i wasn't into having sex? is that normal? i mean, i identified that way for YEARS so i'm just. very confused at myself.
I mean listen, I’m in my 30s. These labels don’t mean a lot to me anymore. Like, literally everything is normal. Everything is fine so long as nobody’s feelings are being hurt. Don’t worry about some label that used to be useful maybe not being useful anymore. Thank it for its service and let it retire. Maybe one day it will be useful again. That doesn’t change anything about you, because you are, and always have been, a complex, multifaceted, constantly changing kaleidoscope of emotional and sexual needs, and “asexual” is just a word that helped you make sense of it for a while.
Like, y’all, give yourselves a break. Sex is complicated. Some people are straight their whole lives, and then they meet one person who changes everything. Some people are one thing for a while, then they’re another thing, then they go back to being the first thing. Some people stay one thing forever. Some people are really into something in their 20s that grosses them out to even think about for the rest of their lives. All if it’s normal.
The words you put on your orientation are not elementally a part of you. They are tools, and as tools they should serve a function. That function can be to help you understand and categorize your own experiences and desires. It can be to help you find a community. It can be to help you get laid. It can just be to set social expectations. These words can be a revelation when you first apply them to yourself: they can be life-saving. But you are not beholden to them.
“Idk, I thought of myself as ace for a long time, but I’m into my current partner, so like, enh? I’m having a good time and my partner and I are both happy, so I guess labels aren’t really useful to me right now” can be all you have to say on the subject.
The words you put on your orientation are not elementally a part of you. They are tools, and as tools they should serve a function. That function can be to help you understand and categorize your own experiences and desires. It can be to help you find a community. It can be to help you get laid. It can just be to set social expectations. These words can be a revelation when you first apply them to yourself: they can be life-saving. But you are not beholden to them.
[ID: The seagull meme. The first panel shows a seagull saying “You tried using a certain label for yourself, but later decided it isn’t right for you?”. In the second panel, the seagull opens its mouth slightly and says “Well, guess what?”. In the third panel, the seagull leans back and opens its mouth a lot. In the fourth panel, the seagull leans forward and screams “That’s okay! Questioning can be super tricky, and you’re allowed to experiment and change the language you use to describe yourself”. End ID]
“we can’t call most historical figures things like gay or lesbian because those terms didn’t exist in their times/cultures and if you ever call them that you’re a bad historian and/or just projecting”
“while it is important to be aware of the differences in how sexuality existed in other time periods and cultures, and using modern terminology is generally inappropriate in an academic setting, our terminology is still a convenient way to speak about historical figures who would likely have those identities in our own time. a historian should always be conscious of those differences, but that does not mean that it is wholly inappropriate to use our modern terminology in a casual setting for historical figures who had same-sex relationships, especially since, for many queer people, these historical figures can be a source of inspiration as well as a connection to the past”
