Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
DS9 companion quote from Sid. “O'Brien and Bashir didn’t get along back then. They loved not getting along. Over the course of the episodes, Colm and I developed the relationship purely out of what we thought we’d most enjoy hating about each other. And after that we were forever doing the same stuff to each other off set as we did on set, making life hell for each other, in the nicest possible way.”
underrated moment is bashir inflaming a huge diplomatic incident by barging into a zoom call between sisko and dukat to embarrass dukat about the cardassian war orphans with zero evidence except for an indirect implication from garak. and sisko being like “that was the most entertaining shit i’ve seen all week. don’t ever do it again.”
The first installment of my reworking of “Hero Worship,” which I’ve tentatively entitled “Villain Worship.” This time, Garak is the one being copied. This one has a lot of topic warnings, so be warned. I put all the even remotely triggering things under the cut.
TW: child abuse, a mentions of cult activity, self harm, and whatever you call racism towards the Cardassians.
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“Garak, I need you in sick bay now.”
Garak chuckled and continued to fold a bolt of Andorian silk. “A good attempt, doctor, but I will submit to a physical–”
“Damn it! This isn’t about you!” Julian yelled over the comm. “Get over here now!”
On a normal day, it took one minute to get from Garak’s Clothier’s to sick bay. At a full run and with the crowd parting for a panicked-looking Cardassian, it took thirty-two seconds. “I’m here, doctor,” Garak said as soon as he got inside the infirmary. He gulped in a breath, mentally noting that he should get more cardio in. “What can I–?”
Before he could finish his sentence, a ten-year-old Bajoran girl leapt off one of the beds and ran up to him. Garak instinctually tried to get out of the way, but the girl attached herself to his waist and held on tight. “Thank you,” she whispered into his tunic. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come.”
“Doctor?” Garak asked, looking around for Julian. He found him sitting in a corner of the room, looking like a man who needed a day off and a large bottle of scotch. “She requested you,” Julian said in response to his confused look. “She thinks she’s Cardassian.”
i think one of my favorite Bashir moments in DS9 is when Jake and Nog ask what sounds like a pretty important medical thing and say that it’s totally for a good reason but also no they absolutely can’t tell him what it is and he’s like well I’m a responsible adult I’m not gonna do that.
Unless you steal my teddy bear back from your step mom.
this is something i’ve thought about a lot and i’m just tired enough tonight to type about it.
when we first meet julian he’s fresh out of the academy, excited to the see the universe and be a part of something. a little too in his own head, too arrogant. he’s not a bad person, he does care, but empathy isn’t exactly his forte (and neither is understanding rejection).
and the he grows so much starting in the second season. through his friendship with garak he becomes more politically adept and is pushed further than ever in saving garak’s life. in season three his place as someone who cares becomes more solid during his time in the 21st century; i’d say that seeing a little of what humanity is capable of made him firmly establish his own beliefs when it came to universal access to healthcare, the need to take action, and the extreme importance of empathy. it’s also this season that he literally faces himself inside his own head (an episode that tells us julian likely purposely missed the question on his exam and that his friendship with jadzia is far more important than his crush on her). the fourth season forces him to confront his obsession with heroism as well as the murky line between success and failure (i’ve talked before about how the wire and the quickening are mirror opposites of each other). he also cares so hard he refused to willingly leave the jem’hadar that had taken him prisoner because he wanted to help them. this boy has so much empathy it’s ridiculous. by this point i’d say there are three things that we now about julian for sure:
he chose being the cmo at a broken-down space station at the farthest reaches of federation influence over his fiance and a guaranteed successful career at a hospital in paris.
he not only has a difficult relationship with his parents, he doesn’t seem to have any strong connection with earth (from his brief convo with odo in homefront).
he has an i m m e n s e fear of failure.
by the start of the fifth season julian is in a more or less good place. for what’s probably the first time in his life, he has a family, and within that family he has three best friends - garak, miles, and jadzia. he’s grown a lot emotionally, and he handles war and suffering rather well, looking after jake when they end up helping a medical team in a battle. but then, of course, comes the tripple shot of doom or whatever. (imagine, briefly, that his story had ended here with a well-adjusted doctor who’d come so far, and still had the potential for good things ahead.) he gets plucked out of his life and thrust into a dominion prison camp for over a month, sharing space with the very man who wanted one of his best friends to suffer, and causing enough trouble that he gets thrown in solitary. and then he finds out that no one knew he was gone for a fucking m o n t h. that. is. fucked. up. no one could tell the difference between him and a changeling. miles joked the changeling was easier to get along with. and while he’s recovering from being a prisoner of war, he’s outed against his will as an augment (which has so many implications about how he views himself and how he views the world. he’s grown up in a society that’s told him he’s evil. he doesn’t like himself. he’s never good enough). and then he has to leave the station when the federation is forced to pull out.
so after all that, at some point during season six it becomes apparent that he’s suffering from depression. this comes to the fore in the sound of her voice when he’s so quiet kasidy comments on it (and defends him - i love kasidy so much you don’t even know). this boy is a definite extrovert, but he isn’t socializing anymore. and at the end of the episode he feels he has to apologize for it. and shit, before this episode when he goes through inquisition??? fuck, this sweet ass overly empathetic human sunflower is accused of treason because of things like being a prisoner of war and having a genetic status that is discriminated against. and then one of his best friends dies.
julian never gets the chance to mourn jadzia’s death, there’s a war on. and then he’s dealing with section 31 and just trying to be a good person, but the whole thing blows up in his face. i’ve seen people defend section 31 and ross’ actions in that episode, and people seem to think that julian not turning sloan in at the end is a sign of him growing up. but you don’t understand, this boy thrives on empathy and kindness and caring and being in love with the universe. not turning sloan in is him giving up. not turning sloan in is him dying a little inside. and later he literally causes sloan’s death. when the war finally ends he’s about to break down crying because 800 million cardassians are dead. and on top of it he loses his two remaining best friends who both return to their respective home planets. ever notice how in the scene in vic’s when everyone is standing together for the final time, julian is standing alone, separated from the others? so when he and ezri joke in hisvery last scene about his “annihilation fantasies” that shit isn’t funny or lighthearted. it’s incredibly tragic.
When I say “free water, free food, free shelter, free healthcare, free education for everyone” in that “everyone” I even include the people I hate. Too many people get surprised at the idea that I do wish for the people I hate to have better lives.
