Icon from a picrew by grgikau. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.

maryschild:

cerusee:

I really wish I could just impress on anyone who thinks that cats are MYSTERIOUS and DIGNIFIED and CLEAN that they are none of these things. Yeah yeah they’re self-cleaning and will choose to poop in a litter box, assuming their mama got to raise them until at least 6 weeks old, but this will not stop a cat from tracking litter outside the box! (cats pick up litter in their toes. tragic. disgusting. resulting in the perpetual need for vacuuming if you are afflicted with wall-to-wall carpeting). Cats are also not mysterious at all; they only seem mysterious if you’ve never met a cat before. Cats are VERY expressive with their body language, like good god they never shut up, and are pretty vocally expressive if they’re accustomed to dealing with human beings even a little bit. Oh you like making mouth noises? I can too! MEOW MEOW MEW MEOW MROW MROW MROW HOWL HOWL YOWL MEOW MEOW. They are also so incredibly, how do I stress this properly, incredibly, INSANELY, not even a little bit dignified. Cats are god’s furriest farts. They look slightly cool because they can leap well when they’re young and have strong butt muscles. But even then, they can and will fall off the couch because they got vacuously high off chewing on a favorite fuzzy rayon blanket. We’re not even gonna talk about all the times a cat has skidded straight into a mirror, or tried to leap through a screen window at a wasp, or deliberately dumped over their only water dish just to watch the water dribble into the unnecessary wall-to-wall carpeting, because they’re a goblin creature and they don’t understand consequences like “and now my water dish is empty”. To talk about these things would be to insult the non-existent dignity of cats, and reveal them for being the slightly better-armed tribbles that they really are.

Salem once spotted a stray cat in our backyard and busted through the screen on a window to attack it. The stray immediately ran off leaving Salem crying like a baby less than 12 feet from the window she busted out of—because she was now lost.

mouthfull-bloodcapsules:

things the kittens have so far yelled at me about with the righteous indignation of child monarchs: 

- i could not find my brother for 1.3 seconds 
- my brother bit my ears when i pounced on him
- my brother refused to bite my ears even though I pounced on him
- my brother has carried away the little mouse toy but I wanted to carry away the little mouse toy
- want to lie in lap but no room 
- want to lie in lap but am on floor
- want to lie in lap but it is too warm in lap
- too small to jump on table
- too large to get behind washing machine as is my sacred right
- i am being prevented from drinking the coffee, a substance which would do me grievous harm
- you are not letting me lick the inside of your nostrils
- i am too small to headbutt you with enough force to adequately represent my affection