Icon from a picrew by grgikau. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
[id: A tweet thread by Nathan Howe @ nathehowe that reads:
“Several years ago, a neighbor kid kicked a football and shattered a small basement window. We were a family of six living on a teacher’s salary at the time, so I boarded it up, thinking I’d get to it someday. The frame was rusted shut. I couldn’t fix it.
Over the years, I’d sometimes get estimates from window companies. Of course, the plan was to upgrade to energy-efficient windows for the whole house. $15,000. It was simply out of reach. In the meantime, the boarded window let in bugs but not light.
One contractor explained that the location of the window, with the frame embedded in the foundation, meant that whoever replaced it would need to chisel it out by hand, a labor-intensive and expensive process. And there were six of those windows in the house.
Honestly, the thought of that window ate at me for years. Every time I went down there, every time I went to the hardwere store, it nagged at me. I knew I needed to address it, but I had built up the process (and the price)so much in my mind that I was paralyzed.
Then my wife had a job change, and we needed to move. I knew that a potential buyer couldn’t get an FHA loan in the property if there was a broken window. so I pulled off the boards and cardboard to face this thing head-on. It had been at least five years.
I thought, "What the heck. I’m gonna have to pay for it anyway.” I grabbed some WD-RO, sprayed it around the rusted frame, and gave it a tug. To my astonishment, it moved for the first time in decades. I pulled the window out and took it downtown. It was a $12 fix.
I could have fixed the problem for $12 the same day it happened. But I let it haunt me for years, shutting out light and letting in bugs. And I finally fixed it for somebody else when the house was empty. It didn’t need to be the most efficient. It just needed to be a window.
Ok, this isn’t really about my window. I mean, the story is true. But it’s also a decent parable. Many of us, especially those with ADHD, anxiety or depression, tend to live with broken windows of one type or another for years.
Everyobody’s broken windows are different. They are things that seriously affect our quality of life, and we know they need work, but the actions to address them seem too daunting. I’ve still got plenty of them myself. If you recognize yours, a few things to know:
- An imperfect solution now is better than a perfect solution that will never happen. - Doing the thing is often less painful than thinking about doing the thing. - Acknowledging how the problem is affecting you can reduce its power over you. - Don’t blame yourself for dwelling on your broken windows. Just enjoy the light when you fix one. - There are some windows you can’t fix by yourself. Find the right help for the right window. - You don’t have to fix it all now. Just start by starting.“
[Video description: The video opens with an older white woman standing on a ladder, and an older white man holding the latter. Text over it says “Did your mom ever tell you?!” The woman says “Hi everybody, it’s Babs!”, and the man says “And Mr. Babs holding the ladder!” The camera zooms up and in to Babs as she says “Did your mom or dad ever tell you ‘you either prepare now or pay later?’ You know how to winterize your home? We’re here to help.” It cuts to Babs still on the ladder, holding a pile of dead leaves in a large spoon, as she says “One, after all the leaves have fallen, clean your gutters. This will prevent water damage to the interior or exterior of your home. And if your gutters are easy to reach and you can do it yourself, just use a spaghetti spoon! It’ll collect the leaves and drain the water.” It cuts again to Babs outside her house, pointing at the hose attached to the side of the house. She says “Tip number 2: make sure you shut off the main water source to the outside. Once you do that, remove the hose–righty tighty lefty loosey–and then drain any remaining water.” She removes the hose and holds her hand under the spigot as she says this, and then it cuts to her standing up with the hose wrapped over her arm as she says “This will prevent a burst pipe and a huge plumbing bill. Hoses inside.” It cuts again to Babs standing inside the house holding a large, gray, fuzzy furnace filter as she says “Tip number 3: time to clean or replace those furnace filters. This will prevent super high energy bills. A clean filter will save you 15% on energy cost. Ours definitely needs to be replaced!” It then cuts again to her holding a white, clean furnace filter and saying “This is what the new filter looks like!”, and then her sliding it into the furnace as she says “And in she goes, all set for the winter.” Finally, it cuts to her standing on a chair and pointing at a smoke detector on the ceiling as she says “And the last tip: Good time to check the batteries on your smoke detector and carbon monoxide detectors.” The video is from @brunchwithbabs. End ID.]
I’m saying this from a place of genuine care: if you are seeing ghosts or shadows or having nightmares… and sageing, eggshells, Crystal’s, and psychics arent cutting it..
Please.. please… check for things like gas leaks, water damage, vermin. I’m not saying your house isnt haunted, I’m just saying that carbon monoxide poisoning looks a LOT like being haunted.
I know that, you know that, but when it looks like supernatural things you look to supernatural solutions and you might not be thinking clearly.
I’m having a conversation with a pagan mom right now who thinks that dark forces are after her, so she’s tried all the things that she knows… which apparently is not checking the hvac system for leaks.
Shes mad at me because I suggested getting an inspection because shes lived in the house for 14 years and she’s always seen things like this and it’s just gotten worse since she took over the house. Shes seeing entities, things are moving on their own, doors open and close on their own, people are being touched and scratched. ‘Mold and gas dont do that!’
Drafty house. Uneven floors. Pressure changes.
Toxic mold syndrome can mimic depression and anxiety, cause listlessness. Guess what extreme anxiety can do. It can mess with your head. It can mess with your memory.
If you have scratches on you and you dont know where they came from, see a doctor. See a doctor. I dont know why you wont see a doctor. They can tell you if it comes from an animal. They can tell you if you’re suffering from a mold allergy. They can tell you if you’re experiencing side effects of gas exposure.
I wholeheartedly believe in ghosts. Absolutley not debating that ghosts and spirits and whatever you think you’re seeing. I am posting this in a pagan facebook group. I 100% believe in ghosts.
I also believe in carbon monoxide.
Please check for gas leaks in your home. Please check for mold. Please check for critters. Like girl I believe you but please check these things.
She… got mad and deleted the post.
This is why we need to stress, and I mean really stress, that mundane explanations are just as important as superstitious ones, and why I genuinely worry about our echo chambers.
Yes, I know we all want to believe that the feelings of dread may be coming from an evil presence in the room, but also certain hvac systems hum at a frequency that causes confusion and anxiety.
Yes it seems reasonable that your doors open and close on their own because granmas ghost is still hanging around. But please consider that the foundation of your house might be shifting.
Yes, you might feel a sense that something bad is going to happen, but that can also be generalized anxiety or obsessive compulsive disorder.
And being in a circle that refuses to accept that mundane explanations for supernatural problems feeds and triggers delusions. The pagan/witchcraft community is extremely neuro diverse, and these delusions can trigger spirals and put people in very… very bad places.
Please accept mundane explanations.
You are not 'crazy’ for seeing ghosts and your house is not dirty for needing an inspection.
If you get an inspection and it comes back clean, you can feel smug about being right. If you dont get an inspection and you’re wrong you and your children could get sick and die.
Y'all I’m tired.
This is relevant to something else I saw online today from Greg from How to Drink:
With a lot of things in the brain, we don’t have another person’s perspectives to know what’s usually experienced- this is why I know a lot of us have had the, “Wait, that’s an ADHD symptom?” moment. It’s never bad to check out your experiences with a doctor.
clouds and how they look different throughout the day
the different colors the mornings can have. sometimes it’s an orange hue and sometimes pink and sometimes it’s too misty to tell
pretty color schemes in random places (the trees and your neighbors wooden patio and the color of their car)
the states of the vehicles passing you by, dents and scratches and the different trinkets suspended from their rearview mirrors
the sound of silence
the shadows the lights cast in your home, like how sunset looks different than sunrise, and the shadows the sun casts look different than those of your lamps and candles
pretty details in buildings and houses like certain types of windows or doorknobs or archways
the movement of things in the wind. flags, leaves, flowers, people’s hair and coats
Focusing your attention on things like this is a grounding technique. Gets you out of your head and into the moment.
The more I’ve done it the more interesting my world has become. So many amazing little details that slip right past us.
here is my one bit of wisdom as a 32 year old with no interest in being a “fandom elder” or “community mom” or whatever -
if someone a little older in your friend group takes care of things and has good advice to offer and whatever, and you all sometimes joke abt them being the mom friend, that’s fine and normal
if someone self declares themselves as the mom friend, and begins to act like that is a role with actual authority, Fucking Run
