Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
Julian Bashir finds Garak so alluring because his entire life he was told that as an augment it was his genetic destiny to become a violent tyrant, but has never been able to stomach violence and instead decided to become a Starfleet doctor. Throughout the course of the Dominion War he becomes more cynical and disillusioned by the deaths he cannot prevent and injuries he cannot heal, and becomes disgusted with himself for not being “strong” enough to complete his purported destiny of violent ambition in order to defeat the Dominion, until he seizes the opportunity to lure Sloan to DS9 to rifle through his brain like a sock drawer to find the cure to the disease afflicting the Founders and bring the war to an armistice. But due to the nature of espionage, his sacrifice for the good of the Alpha Quadrant will never be public knowledge and he never gets the chance to tell the one person who would understand: Garak.
Whereas on the other hand, plain, simple Garak is unafraid of getting his hands covered in blood in order to get the rough work done in the name of an ever-changing slippery “truth” in service of his homeworld despite there being no love in the warm embrace of the state; Cardassia cannot and will not ever love him back. In this essay I will
hmm fun asks....do you have a favourite ds9 comfort episode? like an episode that you turn to when you just want something that wraps you up like a soft warm blanket?
also is there a holoprogram you would've liked to see julian and garak play together? (doesn't have to be a program we've seen on the show, just any holoprogram you think would've been fun to see them in :))
ooo I mean all the ones with Garak in them?? XD Mainly Cardassians, Profit& Loss, and Civil Defense. Garak is excellent in all of them and they are fun! Civil Defense especially is delightful. Altho! Honorable mention must be given to Take Me Out to the Holosuite, truly the most wholesome of episodes.
Oh gosh, a holosuite program for the boys. I wish we had seen them do a Cardassian program! One of the enigma tales?? Also I want them to do LotR, because it would be hilarious to watch Garak’s reactions. Garak could be Boromir and Julian could be Legolas (both bc I think it fits Julian and bc Sid wanted to be an elf!). Either Boromir doesn’t die in this version, or Garak switches to Aragorn. Or they just don’t get that far XD
Julian sipped his root beer as the Jets and the Sharks met for their war council. Garak had refused to partake of the drink, instead replicating some red leaf tea to go with their popcorn.
“It’s interesting, isn’t it?”
“What is, dear?”
“This bit.” Julian gestured at the holo-screen. “They work so well together to hide their plans to fight. They can act friendly. Tony and Maria were able to fall in love. But they are more concerned with hating each other than resolving their problems.”
“Ah, such is often the case in life. People are often loathe to let go of their prejudices when left to their own devices. And, you see, the shop keeper is complicit as well. He allows them to use his shop to plan their battles.” Garak sipped his tea daintily. “And there is Krupke again. Incompetent as ever. He ought to arrest them all.”
“Based on what?” Julian queried. “There’s no proof of anything, both gangs make sure of that.”
“And yet Krupke knows that they are planning something. Agents of the State must be free to ACT on their knowledge if they are to keep the peace.”
“But then Krupke would be free to act on his prejudices- he is not objective, we know he favors the Jets. The burden of proof MUST be met, in order to preserve the basic freedoms of the people–”
“And there you go again with those Federation ideals.” Garak shook his head at Julian in disapproval.
Julian opened his mouth to argue again, but the scene on the screen changed, and his companion turned his attention forward once more. Julian did as well, and felt a smile creep onto his face. This scene. This was why he’d wanted to watch this film with Garak. Impatiently, Julian waited for Anita to tell Maria about the rumble, to warn the star-crossed lovers of Bernardo’s wrath should he find out about them.
As Tony and Maria wondered through the clothing shop, Maria getting her veil and Tony his hat, the both of them kneeling side by side… Julian’s hand grew warm at his side. He chanced a look at Garak as Tony and Maria began to say their vows, his heart pounding in his chest. Garak was watching with interest, one ridged brow raised– incredulous, perhaps, at the mock-ceremony and the state of the clothes in the shop. Julian licked his lips and turned back to the screen as the song began.
*Make of our hands, one hand. Make of our hearts, one heart. Make of our vows, one last vow. Only death will part us now…*
Julian became aware of Garak’s eyes on him as the song went on. He drained his root beer resolutely and set it aside. Without looking at Garak, he raised his hand, palm out.
*Now it begins, now we start. One hand… one heart.*
Garak’s cool palm met his own. Julian breathed out a shuddering breath, finally turning to meet his friend’s gaze, cursing his face for flushing as he did. Garak’s bright blue eyes held an uncharacteristic warmth, a smile on his grey lips that was almost fond.
“You know, my dear Doctor… this gesture is appropriate to many things, but not to wedding vows.”
“Oh?” Julian squeaked out. “Is there a different–”
“Like this.” Garak slid his fingers between Julian’s, his thumb moving to gently rest against the pulse in Julian’s wrist. Julian closed his eyes for a moment– his hands weren’t as sensitive as Garak’s but even to him this felt overwhelming. Intimate. He moved his fingers to slide against Garak’s, nudging his thumb under the long sleeve of Garak’s tunic to rest against the corresponding point on Garak’s wrist.
“Like this.” Julian repeated. They drew closer together, Julian’s heart soaring as Garak gripped his fingers tighter.
On the holo-screen, the Rumble began.
“This won’t end well, I think.” Garak said, lowering their hands and pulling back. He resumed watching the film, as unruffled as ever, as though he hadn’t just made Julian’s heart leap out of his chest and then sent it plummeting down to his stomach.
“It is a tragedy, after all.” Julian said after a few beats, watching Tony approach the rumble in his vain attempt to stop it. His hand is tingling, still close to Garak’s on the couch.
I actually think it would be neat if they got one of those little buildings out on the reef and Garak is just swimming and sunning the entire time, unfortunately to the detriment of the sexy & spicy erotic vacation Julian had planned. He’s just swimming around and eating any of the fish that look good.
julian booked this looking at the bed, not knowing that it would be covered in fish guts/heads owing to garak coming in through that open wall every 5 minutes with another half-chewed flounder he’d finish off from the comfort of the den
Garak knows about the kind of kill for you, defy everything for you love. The one choice in his life he seems to fully own as his and his alone (in large part because it was made of defiance and not service) is to have that kind of love, and to kill for it. To be exiled for it.
Julian on the other hand, has such a gentle love. Not a foolish love, but one that I think knows the absence of certain elements, certain kindnesses. The kind of love that says you’re tired, I’ll get the dishes just as much as it holds the dying hand. It’s a love that takes your outbursts and still expects you to make recompense for them. It is not unconditional, but it is something.
And I really don’t think either of them really have experienced either and both find the other’s way of loving strange and a little frightening and a little intoxicating
