ALT

made some pretty u.s.-style goulash

bulbafren:

play-now-my-lord:

FOOD HUBRIS BY COUNTRY
america: believes their shitty local burger chain is a once-in-a-lifetime culinary experience because their mayo includes onion paste
canada: if your poutine tastes better than the styrofoam plate it comes on you will discover the cold rage that lies under the canadian’s polite exterior
united kingdom: despite thriving and unique fusion cuisines spreading from the UK to the rest of the world in recent decades, when asked to think of ‘british food’ the average UK citizen will start a fight over whether cold beans with a modest side of white bread is haute cuisine
france: McDo Ortolan Bunting
italy: extremely mad about american versions of italian food. blissfully ignorant of what happens in brazil
brazil: if the scientific genius applied to making cronenbergian pizzas were applied to anything else, brazilians would all be commuting to jobs on the moon. They have pizza that can feel pain
russia: obviously mayonnaise is the perfect topping for all foodstuffs, this is solved. The question is what to put on top of mayonnaise, and it might never be answered
germany: less a joke than a fact: the single most produced numbered Volkswagen part is a standardized currywurst

VOLKSWAGEN CURRYWURST IS REAL IM FLIPPING OUT

gallusrostromegalus:

drunkygoesonadventures:

casgirl:

Challenge accepted.

First, let’s skip the charcoal. A cuisine is not based on food color. I feel like our primary flavor is a combination of Sweet and Bitter. This is common in all the most popular gothic drinks; Coffee, Red Wine, and Absinthe. It would favor elaborate, ornate, near Victorian presentation and plating.   

People’s values are also expressed in food so I feel that handcrafting, niche and novelty, as well as authenticity would come through. Cooking methods would probably prefer open flame and aging.

So okay, with that in mind here are some ideas. 

• All goths love a a Charcuterie: You eat it with a knife and it pairs well with wine and absinthe. Breads in dark Rye (discuss the argot they may have formed! #witchtrials) and cheeses cave aged - like bats. 
• Nightshades and bitter greens salad: Some tomatoes and peppers come in black. Black tomatoes specifically will look very very similar to belladonna. A salad made with dark, bitter greens like radicchio or endive, and black cherry tomatoes is a great combination. Add a balsamic vinaigrette for some sweetness and acidity. Is my date giving me healthy salad or deadly poison? Either way I love them. Bon Appetite!
• Charcoal-grilled aubergine: Aubergine (yes, use the fancy word) is already a deep purple and has a natural bitterness that can be enhanced by grilling it over charcoal. Technically eggplants also contain nicotine so I feel they will feature heavily.
• Squid ink pasta: Hella people said it, so sure why not?
• Dark Cherry and dark chocolate: Make a tart, serve as a sideboard with the absinthe, leave it as a gift on your dead lover’s grave. There are no bad options for this deliciously gothic and bittersweet treat.
• Black rice and root vegetables: The first is black and is notable for being black and sometimes called “forbidden”. Sick. And the second can come in black, deep red, and purples. Also they’re totally under ground. Fire roast these. 
• Candle Light: Not optional. If a meal comes on plates it comes with candles

Some more suggestions:

• Rip open a pomegranate for a charcuterie centerpiece to evoke the Persephone Mythos, and (according to one infamous tumblr debacle) it’s reminiscent of a gory heart
• Actually, why stop at evoking a Heart? Chicken hearts are available at a ton of Asian and Hispanic grocery stores and are actually really easy to cook up quick (very underrated Low Spoons food!) and what’s more Goth than eating an actual heart?
• Depending on what Goth Subcultures you’re part of, there’s a lot of less-eaten organ and bone meats that are less-commonly eaten because they’re not aesthetically palatable to Normies despite being delicious. Tongue, Liver, Kidney, eyes, intestines, genitalia and BLOOD are all staples of many cuisines worldwide and really make you think about the very goth nature of. There’s Duck-Blood soup at my local polish place that is EXQUISITE.
• Hell, if you really want to think about how you are eating a once-living thing, consider a whole-animal roast like Trout, whole duck, suckling pig or even Rabbit. Celebrate it’s life by cooking it well, pick it’s bones clean and Memento your own Mori.
• Re: Candles: Agreed, if it comes on plates, it comes with candles, but consider your dishware too: Black is a classic and obvious choice, but consider jewel tones to pop against a dark tablecloth and provide some contrast to your food. You know how birds of paradise and sunset moths and a lot of other animals with SUPER dark pigmentation also have patches of intense color? Take if from a Biologist and Artist- Jewel tones make Blacks Blacker, like how moments of joy make the despair so much more intense.
• You can also try gold-tone tableware to evoke that Dracula’s-Golden-Cutlery literary motif!
• Do you know what stone fruits, potatoes, asparagus, tapioca, Rhubarb and cashews have in common? They’re all plants where only parts of it are edible, or they need to be cooked very carefully or they’re extremely poisonous. Think about all you ancestors who took their lives into their hands figuring this out while you eat.
• Granted, this last suggestion is more Punk than Goth, but I feel like it adds something to any cuisine: In the continental US and I think a good portion of Europe, almost everywhere has local farm co-ops and game-shares so you can eat in an environmentally friendly way that supports your community and is also HELLA fresh and doesn’t go through the aesthetic screening that grocery store foods, and I feel like having some genuinely grotesque-looking produce on the table adds to the aesthetic.

brytning:

When you’re tired, stressed, burned out, depressed, or just busy, figuring out how to feed yourself multiple times a day can take more energy than you have to give. Here’s a resource I’ve been leaning on lately so that feeding myself is easier.

I’ve never been a meal prepper because I don’t like eating leftovers over and over, and taping a written list of snack ideas to the pantry hasn’t worked for me in the past. When I tried a visual method by saving a folder of photos on my phone, something clicked. I’m a visual person—of course I would benefit from seeing a personal menu of food in my own kitchen! (I haven’t tried it, but I imagine a visual menu would work for kids too.) Right now, my menu has a lot of appetizer-type finger foods on it because that’s what sounds good and doesn’t take long to make or reheat. Maybe I’ll change my menu out seasonally like a restaurant…

Anyway, I hope this sparks an idea for you if deciding what food to make is a struggle. If not this method exactly, experiment and see what makes the task easier for you! I’m all for saving energy on daily, routine tasks so that I can spend it where it’s really important.

cursed fair food idea: deep-fried dum dums

ALT

ALT

these guys dipped in batter and fried until golden. what would happen to the hard candy inside? i have no idea.

whatbigotspost:

moveslikekeithrichards:

Food Fun Facts for dad types!!!

•Adding butter or cheese or salt or whatever to your veggies so that you like them doesn’t change the nutritional content you get from said veggies.

•Additional calories eaten don’t negate the healthy benefits of food. And, stay with me here, low calorie foods are not more morally pure than high calorie foods.

•If making a food more palatable by adding butter (or whatever) is the make-or-break for someone to actually eat the vegetable, then the Brussel sprouts with butter are FUCKING HEALTHIER for you than the Brussel sprouts you don’t eat. A salad with ranch dressing is healthier for you than the dry greens you don’t eat. A sandwich with cheese and mayo is more healthy than the plain sandwich you don’t eat. The strawberry with whipped cream is more healthy than the strawberry you don’t eat.

•We actually don’t have to buy the bullshit that food that makes us happy or tastes good is less healthy.

irollforinitiative:

lenyberry:

lunellafandoms:

just-shower-thoughts:

Peppers are the spicy of the fire, mint is the spicy of the ice, carbonation is the spicy of the air, and vinegar is the spicy of the water.

Cinnamon is the spicy of earth

no cinnamon is the spicy of wood (a bark) 
ginger is the spicy of earth (a root)

But everything changed when the pepper nation attacked.

absentlyabbie:

bisexualbaker:

alexseanchai:

enberlight:

absentlyabbie:

absentlyabbie:

absentlyabbie:

absentlyabbie:

i made a roast tonight for the first time and it actually turned out really good

at 35 i’m finally a real adult y'all

seriously this might be the perfect adhd/disabled cook’s Nice Meal

you just

you just slap a slab of meat in a pan. peel potatoes and put em whole or halved in a circle around the meatslab with some baby carrots. sprinkle some stuff. dump a couple cans of cream of mushroom all over it. cover with tin foil. oven at 325

AND THEN YOU LEAVE IT

FOR HOURS

it smells really really good for a while before it’s ready so you can’t even completely forget about it and fuck up the timing

i even took a nap

[image id: @princesssarcastia replied to the post saying “would LOVE to see the directions for this, it sounds great”]

:D it IS and if you ever try it out, let me know how it goes!

stuff:

• 1 chuck roast (size only matters for how hot your oven/how many hours it’s in there/what your budget can handle)
• russet potatoes (however many fit in your roast pan/large baking dish; we used half a bag)
• seasoning salt (i used Lawry’s) and meat tenderizer (brand is whatever)
• 1 packet of onion soup mix (lipton’s or off brand is fine, i used off brand); it normally comes in a box of two of em and you use one packet
• 1-2 cans of cream of mushroom soup (1 might do but buy 2 just in case)

how do:

• preheat your oven to 325 (if you have an especially enormous meatslab or need to shorten cooking time a bit, 345, but not hotter)
• slap your chuck roast slab in the center of your roast pan/large baking dish
• season the top liberally with meat tenderizer and seasoning salt. you do not have to stab or beat it with a hammer
• peel and rinse your potatoes (full disclosure; we don’t currently own an acutal potato peeler and my hand steadiness ain’t shit, so i tapped @odairiver for the peeling)
• you want your potatoes roughly the same size, so some might need to be cut in half. stick em in a ring around your meat slab
• add baby carrots, as many as your heart (or enjoyment of carrots) recommends
• sprinkle over all of this the packet of onion soup mix
• open 1 can of cream of mushroom soup and dump it out on top. spread it around thoroughly with a spatula/knife/spoon/whatever, and if your meat/potatoes/etc aren’t sufficiently covered, open can 2. extra gravy is never bad
• cover your pan/dish with tin foil, tucking around the edges
• place your dish on a rack placed mid to high in your oven
• leave it for 3-4 hours (on average; we left this one in around 5 for fall apart tenderness)

@odairiver educated me on how to know it’s done (it will smell amazing for at least 1 hour before it’s ready, brace yourself and snack lightly if needed):

you can take the dish out of the oven, stab a potato to make sure it’s cooked through, and then stab the meat. if it goes in with little/no resistance into the meat and pulling slightly to the side starts separating a chunk from the rest, it’s ready

FEAST

edit: @silvain-shadows made a good point in another reblog that you can use red potatoes instead of russet. red potatoes don’t need peeling, which is a huge bonus if you don’t have a roommate who will peel taters for you.

i have not tried doing this (obviously, tonight being my first roast), but my only concern at all would be that they’d overcook to being too soft in the oven that long, since red potatoes cook faster and more easily than russet. still, i’m sure they’d be plenty tasty

update: have confirmed with the maternal parental unit that red potatoes work just as well in the above recipe

also, uhhh, holy shit, this blew up while i was admiring the backs of my eyelids last night.

super cool that there’s a lot of folks sharing their own recipes for different roasts and stuff so check out the notes! most of em are similar levels of straightforward/easy, but a couple are a little more on the level of “if you wanna pretend you’re gordon ramsey, but in your pajamas”

Lol. This was one of my most popular reblogs over here. People like food. Even better is easy food. So thanks for sharing (a variation on this is one of our Eat For Days go-tos)

A tip from one of the reblogs last night: If peeling and chopping the potatoes is hard or spoon intensive, frozen pre-sliced potatoes also work well with the roast timing. So you can literally dump everything in the crockery and let it do its thing.

You just. Have to figure out who washes it later. Only downside.

right I had dinner plans

(housemate informs me we do in fact have slab of roastable beef; five pm is later than I meant to get a four-hour project going but it’ll still be done before ten)

Well, I know a bunch of people over here like food being easy to make, so…

since this has started showing up in my notes again suddenly, now is a great time to inform all my new completely anonymous friends that i wouldn’t recognize in a police lineup or even a well-lit doctor’s office:

i made another roast last night, this time with red potatoes as originally suggested by @silvain-shadows, and they worked perfectly well and are, in fact, Very Good in it