Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
Of all the idiotic things to threaten him with, Julian Bashir had chosen a knife.
Garak played along with it, of course. He wasn’t well-practiced at pretending to be frightened, but, with a few mental trips back to Tain’s closet, he managed it. Next time he and Julian were alone, though, he’d be sure to point out that the switchblade Julian held in his hand would barely pass through Cardassian scales, making it about as useful as a spool of thread for threatening him.
Enabran Tain barked out a laugh. “Forgive me, Dr. Bashir,” he said, placing special weight on the word “doctor” to emphasize his point, “but I know that Federation officers aren’t permitted to kill whomever they please, especially medical officers.”
“You’re right,” Julian said, causing Garak’s stomach to do a backflip. He cast a panicked look at Julian’s unusually stern face and his sorrow-laden hazel eyes. “Which is why you’ll be interested to know that I’m no longer associated with Starfleet.”
“What?” Tain and Garak said nearly simultaneously.
Julian smiled sadly. “Pull up your records, Tain,” he said. “They found out I’m genetically modified and cast me out.” He pressed the knife to Garak’s neck and began slowly working the point of the blade under one of his scales. “What I am is illegal,” he clarified. “After the Eugenics Wars, all people like me were banned from Starfleet. I’m officially on my own.” Garak was simultaneously glad and horrified that the wire had been taken out of his brain as Julian plunged the knife in a bit deeper. The lack of endorphins kept him thinking clearly, but the pain was in full-force. He hissed as a bit of blood trickled over the knife. “Julian?” he asked, his voice breathy with panic.
He felt Julian’s left hand press against his back. His index and middle finger were lifted with his thumb pressed between them – a Terran hand symbol for the letter “K.” It was a symbol they had often used in intimate moments when neither of them wanted to break apart the fantasy. A check-in symbol, short for “ok.” Relief surged through him. He would have to compliment Julian on his lying later. For now, he grabbed the hand with the knife in it, briefly making the “K” symbol back at him as he grabbed, then tried to wrench the knife away from his neck. That he failed was a surprise to neither of them.
While all this was happening, Tain was pulling up Starfleet records. “You’re not joking,” he said. He let out a little huff of laughter. “And your medical license has been revoked. I take it you won’t be able to help with the arthritis in my knees now?”
“Not unless you wanted an unqualified opinion,” Julian said.
Tain let out another little snort. “Kill the boy,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “See what I care. No one will miss him.”
Garak had to give Tain credit. The truth of that hurt more than the knife. Julian glared at Tain, then a whisper of a smile shot across his lips. “You misunderstand me,” he said. “I’m not going to kill him.”
“Oh?” Tain said, doing his best to seem bored with all of this. “The knife you have jammed so close to a major artery would suggest otherwise.”
“That is my point,” Julian said. “I’ve studied Cardassian biology. I know exactly where to hurt him, to…” Julian swallowed, his mask of indifference crumbling for a split second. “To torture him,” he continued. “To make him spill every secret he knows.”
It occurred to Garak in that moment that Julian was probably right. Outside of Cardassia, Dr. Julian Bashir was probably the most up to date person on Cardassian medicine and biology. Never tell a lie when a truth will do, he thought as he looked up into Julian’s face. He had always considered honesty a weakness, yet here was Dr. Bashir, brandishing the truth like the weapon it was.
“The wire,” Tain said, suddenly connecting the dots. “You managed to remove it?”
“It was burnt out by the time he got to it,” Garak supplied, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the look of disappointment on Tain’s face. “Continuous use for two years will do that to a wire.”
He braced himself for a slap. Instead, he felt Julian pressing the “K” symbol into his back again. Before he could sign it back, he heard Tain say: “I see.”
Garak realized the next move in an instant. He threw Julian off of him and rushed Tain just as he was getting out his phaser. He wrestled the phaser out of Tain’s grasp and then drew his mentor’s arms behind him in a lock. He placed the phaser against Tain’s back, his finger on the trigger.
“Do it,” Tain hissed. “Kill me.”
“No,” Garak said. He gestured for Bashir to cuff him. As soon as that was done, he circled around so that he could look Tain in the eye. “You don’t deserve a quick death,” he said. “On the contrary, I want you to live a long and miserable life, knowing that your secrets could all come to light at any moment and you’d be ruined.”
“Garak,” Julian breathed.
“Tell Mila that I’m doing well,” Garak said, his eyes trained on Tain. “I suspect she’ll be the first to find you. If not, all the better.” He looked over at Julian. “If you would, doctor.”
Julian nodded and pressed the comm badge he had hidden in his civilian clothes. “Computer, two to beam up.”
Hey. HEY! Would anyone else enjoy a long self-indulgent post about my reasons for every song on my Garak/Garashir/Cardassia playlist?
Some of these songs I got from other Garashir playlists, some from my own songs, and some from Spotify playing random songs.
CABINET MAN by Lemon Demon
So this was a song I stole from another playlist. It’s about an arcade game that’s part human! So it has a little Garak and a little Julian.
This bit is very Elim and it hurts me:
“Thank God for business, they let me take the floor
I stood so proudly, like I was going to war
Players soon appeared and I quickly was revered
This must be what love would have felt like”
😭😭
Also I love this bit:
“I’m happy for years and years
And only eating the occasional maintenance man
Only driving a few kids to madness
Maybe they were predisposed to madness, who knows?”
HEM OF YOUR GARMENT by Cake
This is just a very Garak pov Garashir song. I could quote bits, but it’s basically the whole song. Just go google the lyrics and be amazed that they wrote this whole song for Garak.
IN OUR BEDROOM AFTER THE WAR by Stars
Listen! This is the ultimate post-canon Cardassia song. Very Julian and Garak separately and together. The war is over but we have scars but maybe we can heal them together?
“Lift your head and look out the window
Stay that way for the rest of the day and watch the time go
Listen, the birds sing
Listen, the bells ring
All the living are dead and the dead are all living
The war is over, we are beginning
Here it comes, here comes the first step
Here it comes, here comes the first step
It starts up in our bedroom after the war
It starts up in our bedroom after the war, after the war”
LOST IN THE COSMOS by The Mechanisms
This song is courtesy of @jubrunaikovics It is also very Garak and Julian tho it leans more Julian? I kinda go back and forth on it. Very beautiful and haunting and sad.
QUEEN OF WHITE LIES by The Orion Experience
This is absolutely a Julian pov Garashir song. Like, early days. And it’s fun and peppy! Plus I enjoy the Orion and how that relates to Star Trek.
WE ALL LIFT TOGETHER by Freya Catherine and Jack Victor
Another song from @jubrunaikovics! This one is about Cardassia post-canon. The people rebuilding their world while accepting Federation help and trying to maintain their identity. Also has strong Jem'Hadar vibes.
MY HERO by The Foo Fighters
So we reach the first song that came fron my existing playlists. This is my song for Damar. He is ordinary. He is a hero not for being special (the way Garak and Julian are special) but for being A Good Cardassian. And I respect that.
METAPHOR by The Crane Wives
This was a happy suggestion from Spotify! This is 1000% a Garak song. It hurts me, and I love it.
MY OWN WORST ENEMY by Lit
This is one of my songs. And it is a Garak song circa The Wire.
“Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk?
I didn’t mean to call you that”
Yep.
ROUND HERE by The Counting Crows
So this is a song that is Garak POV about life on DS9 but also! Bamarren. It is very Bamarren.
MRS. RITA by Gin Blossoms
So this is about Garak and his relationship as an exile with Cardassia. Read this and think of “she” as Cardassia. Another way of looking at it is the way Sisko uses Garak and then drops him until he needs him again. From Garak’s perspective, Cardassia and Sisko have that in common.
“Well, my patience keeps me plaintive, my high hopes keep me alone
My lover’s will is shaken
I wish she would just come home
So tell me, Mrs. Rita, what’s it say in my tarot
Read my palm and tell me why do lovers come and go
Is she coming round for me once again
Around or was that the end
I just hope she’s coming round again”
GENGHIS KHAN by Miike Snow
So I stole this from a playlist and tbh it’s just a fun song. Also please go watch the video if you haven’t seen it.
INFINITY by Jaymes Young
So I actually got this one from an excellent Garashir fanvid! I see it as very Julian pov Garashir.
LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD by Pat Benatar
Cardassian flirting, the 80s love song! 😂😂
DEAR FELLOW TRAVELER by Sea Wolf
Another stolen playlist song. This! Is a post-canon Julian regretting his decision to stay on DS9 with Ezri. Think of Ezri as the city. BUT ALSO! Think of Garak on Cardassia happy to be home but wishing Julian was there. Cry.
“And now we turn to my beautiful city
Black skies changed into blue
And my love is so wise and so pretty
But tonight I still dream of you”
A DROP IN THE OCEAN by Ron Pope
A gift from Spotify! Makes me want to cry! This is Garak pining for Julian and also Kelas wanting Garak but not wanting to get hurt again. It’s a lot! And it’s pretty!
RUN by Snow Patrol
This song goes on all of my ship playlists. I love it. Every ship has its Run by Snow Patrol moment(s). Garashir has The Wire, By Inferno’s Light, and also somewhat Our Man Bashir.
LEMON PARADE by Tonic
This is a song for baby Julian and baby Elim when I just wish I could rescue both of them from their shitty childhoods.
IVY and ILLICIT AFFAIRS by Taylor Swift
So Ivy is Palandine’s song and Illicit Affairs is Elim’s song about their relationship. Elim growing vines around Palandine’s heart and Elim hiding and sneaking “as if [he doesn’t] even exist” And if you’ve read ASIT, well this line in Illicit Affairs hits home:
“And you know damn well,
For you, I would ruin myself
A million little times”
AWAKE FOR THE SUNRISE by Flock of Dimes
This came from another playlist. Very Garak pov Garashir. Hurts a lot. Another where I could quote bits but it would just be the whole thing
DELICATE by Taylor Swift
Yes there are actually four tswift songs on list playlist and I refuse to apologize. This was actually recced by a post on tumblr. Another Garak pov Garashir song.
“My reputation’s never been worse, so you must like me for me.”
EPIPHANY by Taylor Swift
This is the last song! It is here for Julian. It is a doctor song and I feel it follows his journey from “frontier medicine” to quality empathetic doctor. It’s beautiful and sad.
Hope you enjoyed this post! Sorry it’s so long and idk how to add a read more cut. I hope you look up these songs and lmk what you think! Here is the playlist on Spotify:
I know this is hard to hear but Elim Garak is not who he seems to be and has actually done some super problematic things in the past. He has:
Worked as a spy for the Obsidian Order
Assassinated multiple people
Tried to genocide the entire changling race
Is a known liar and even lied to Sisko
Just because you like him as a tailordoes not mean he is a good person. I’ll add additional information as it comes up…..Please signal boost this post!
Julian Bashir voice: But see you are missing a crucial detail: I love him
If NO ONE ELSE is going to think about the entire Niners crew marching into Garak’s shop to be measured and fitted for custom made baseball uniforms then I WILL,
He knows that they’re giving him an out to focus on something other than decrypting messages for a bit, and honestly the uniforms are exceedingly ugly in his professional tailoring opinion (humans and their onesies…), but GOSH darn it the entire station is buzzing with baseball fever and it’s infectious. He even ran into Colonel Kira practicing her swing, made a joke about standing behind her being more dangerous than in front of her, and she laughed.
So he agrees, and I would’ve Loved there to be a scene where Garak’s sitting in the stands next to Rom just to politely watch how everything goes down. (“Just so I can see the fruits of my labor in the correct historical context, of course!”) And maybe he sabotages a Vulcan pitch once, it’s fine.
I know why we didn’t get this. Budget. Those shows were always struggling with budget. And having Nog, Rom, Leeta, Kassidy all the Vulcans and being filmed on location for at least 2-3 days, was just too much to allow Garak. The DS9 pitch outlines even stated that “Garak, Dukat” and someone else are expensive characters so make sure if your story needs them it really needs them. Sigh.
Now days they throw $8 million at a single episode of modern trek… but back then it was $1-2 million. Big big difference.
Bummer…but now I’m just so happy picturing everyone getting tailored and Garak getting interested in the game despite himself
Also. Did the Logicians have uniforms already, or did Garak make them? I assume they had them already but if Garak did make them, I wanna know if he did the embroidery (bc that means either he knows Vulcan calligraphy or he doesn’t and was just embroidering what he was shown, but I like to believe he does know it. Maybe he knows it but pretended he didn’t so he could make entertaining spelling mistakes)
A) Garak learned lots of languages in the Order, so he absolutely knows Vulcan
B) He definitely pretended not to know in order to make entertaining spelling mistakes! That’s hilarious.
If NO ONE ELSE is going to think about the entire Niners crew marching into Garak’s shop to be measured and fitted for custom made baseball uniforms then I WILL,
He knows that they’re giving him an out to focus on something other than decrypting messages for a bit, and honestly the uniforms are exceedingly ugly in his professional tailoring opinion (humans and their onesies…), but GOSH darn it the entire station is buzzing with baseball fever and it’s infectious. He even ran into Colonel Kira practicing her swing, made a joke about standing behind her being more dangerous than in front of her, and she laughed.
So he agrees, and I would’ve Loved there to be a scene where Garak’s sitting in the stands next to Rom just to politely watch how everything goes down. (“Just so I can see the fruits of my labor in the correct historical context, of course!”) And maybe he sabotages a Vulcan pitch once, it’s fine.
I know why we didn’t get this. Budget. Those shows were always struggling with budget. And having Nog, Rom, Leeta, Kassidy all the Vulcans and being filmed on location for at least 2-3 days, was just too much to allow Garak. The DS9 pitch outlines even stated that “Garak, Dukat” and someone else are expensive characters so make sure if your story needs them it really needs them. Sigh.
Now days they throw $8 million at a single episode of modern trek… but back then it was $1-2 million. Big big difference.
Garak’s story/speech to Ziyal about his knack for survival in “Call to Arms” 😭😭 oh my heart
#i don’t remember but I’m rb in hopes someone will add it later (@deepspacealamo )
You know, I kept thinking I should add it!
ZIYAL: Well, what’s going to happen to you?
GARAK: Well, let me tell you a story. I once knew a Cardassian, a dashing, handsome young man with a promising career. But one day, through no fault of his own, he found himself exiled and alone, with nowhere to turn. But did he give up? No. He struck upon a brilliant plan. Rather than fleeing for the rest of his life, he sought shelter in the one place no one expected him to go. In a stronghold of his people’s most hated enemies. There, surrounded by hostile strangers, he built a life, and there, against all odds, against the merciless logic of the Universe itself, he thrived.
ZIYAL: By becoming the greatest tailor in the galaxy.
GARAK: And the moral of the story, my dear, is to never underestimate my gift for survival.
