Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
it ONLY makes sense for the first three episodes to be ed-based, show him really spiraling, ivan and fang grow increasingly worried about him, start colluding with jim and frenchie to fix this, even izzy starts getting nervous about this monster he’s helped create, ed is doing riskier and riskier jobs, we tangentially hear about stede tirelessly searching, trying to catch up with him, he has the revenge in his sights.
then, end of episode 3, ed takes a stupidly risky deal, he knew it was a bad idea, lashing out, trying to get hurt on purpose, as the English officer pulls his gun ed crumples, pathetic and trembling, deep purple bags under his eyes matching the makeup, the disheveled hair in his face, the uneven scruff. “do it” he pleads, falling to his knees with all the pain and exhaustion. his wounds are catching up to him. and as the officer raises his gun, he falls forward. struck on the back of the head with the butt of a sword. stede, romance-novel protagonist level beautiful, loose white shirt billowing, the beginnings of a beard making him all rugged and handsome. “now then, where’s this kraken I’ve heard so much about?” ed grips his side, barely keeping his guts in, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and whispers a broken “you came back?” and stede lets go, his face softens, so full of love it’s agonizing as he rushes to ed’s side, holding his wounds, shushing him as he guides his head into his lap, ed’s almost blacking out and stede combs his hair out of his face, “oh, darling, never left”
It is actually extremely important to me that y'all understand the importance of the talent show subplot to the structure of ofmd being not just a gay romcom but a story fiercely thematically opposed to toxic masculinity and amatonormativity; how Ed the Emo crying into his blanket fort and silk gown writing sad boy poetry music is the most emotionally healthy he’s ever been and a hairsbreadth away from sustained happiness.
Which is a hard sell with Stede still playing house and straight man a million lightyears and then one (1) rowboat trip away, but I swear the reason that Ed has this subplot instead of disappearing for twenty minutes of B-plot about mutinying against Izzy only to swan in as The Kraken at the end is because Our Flag Means Death correctly believes with its whole big gay pirate heart that Ed doesn’t need Stede to be happy.
Ed has this annoyingly relatable tendency to swing SO overly hard in whichever direction he’s nudged. They’re captured and they could apparently very easily simply walk away on foot from the Academy with no consequences but Ed won’t even entertain it he’s just full on “there is no escape :) :) i’m a professional folder now :)” Then he kisses Stede ONCE and in practically the same breath he’s asking him to assume new identities and run away to CHINA. Not go back to the ship together, not even start a new life in like, Canada. Has to pick the most extreme far off destination he can think of. He doesn’t even take a beat to plan further, he immediately runs off the beach to get started and wants to leave TONIGHT. Poor guy sets himself up for failure at the docks because now he’s not just lost Stede, he’s lost this entire new life he’s constructed all in his head because he’s got so far ahead of himself.
He does it in his break up too like he puts on Stede’s robe for comfort and all of a sudden he needs to channel this exaggerated version of the parts of Stede’s personality that he loves or wishes he could have. Then the MOMENT Izzy tells him he wants Blackbeard back Ed just fully kills a man, severs toes, and rebrands himself to be the most evil version of himself yet. And by doing these things he just breaks his own heart over and over again because he’s constantly mourning these false identities and fantasies that he builds up in his head and has to abandon.
All or nothing thinking makes you feel like such a failure because nothing in life is all or nothing, including the ability to stop thinking about things as all or nothing, so it’s hard to even begin to start approaching things with caution or moderation because if you fuck up even once well then that’s it, I’m a lost cause I won’t even try to regulate myself any more and i’ll just make giving up & getting my hopes unrealistically up my full time job. We make (deserved) jokes about Edward “Guess I’ll Die” Teach but that’s exactly what this kind of behaviour is: I’m bored with my life so maybe I’ll just DIE ABOUT IT like jesus dude maybe there’s something in between “trying dying” and trying to become a completely new and different person either by literally assuming a new identity or metaphorically through intrinsically weaving his sense of self in with Stede’s companionship.
I struggle with this so much like i make the most wild impulsive dramatic life decisions sometimes because they feel like the easy solutions to big problems, and measured responses are boring, and boredom is intolerable.
Stede has the exact same problem I just think he’s at a different stage of learning how to break this pattern. He seems much more willing to bounce his ideas and impulses off of other people which can give you a lot of valuable outside perspective. He still makes dramatic unilateral decisions like running away to become a pirate and then running back home, but by the end of the latter I think he’s realized that there’s always a third option. I guess the lesson when you find yourself between a rock and a hard place of 2 extreme options is to remember (ironically) that there IS always an escape.
i could talk for hours about everything i love about this show, but honestly i can’t stop thinking about the way ED is in love with STEDE?? like let me explain what i can’t get over, it’s the way that stede is the softer, more feminine, ‘weaker’, more stereotypically queer coded one and it would’ve been so EASY for them to make it stede who had an obvious crush on ed. like play it up that he’s a fool in love and everyone sees it except ed but they wrote it the opposite way!!! ed meets stede and it’s love at first sight!! this scary, masculine pirate captain falls so hard and so fast for stede fucking bonnet and stede has no clue!!!!! ed knows he has a crush the whole show and he just embraces it!!!!!! fuck i just love this show so much and i love that ed loves stede it’s literally the best possible thing they could’ve written
Anyway, Taylor Swift’s “I Bet You Think About Me” is a perfect post-breakup BlackBonnet song
