Icon from a picrew by grgikau. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
lots of people talk about wanting more episodes set just In the tardis and i agree. i think itd be really funny if we had one where the doctor finds out some guy has just been straight up living in the tardis. just hanging out, chilling, wandering round the rooms. the tardis is infinite right so it is entirely possible that theres some things in there the doctor doesnt know about
the doctor tries to kick them out but the tardis is so fond of them she refuses to let them
It just occurred to me that the racquetball scene in “Rivals” is classic autistic Julian. So much so that I have a bit of hard time seeing him as an asshole in this scene because I know all of these feelings and uncertainties from first hand experience.
(Miles opens the door to the court.)
Julian: (surprised and in the middle of his warm up) Chief!
Julian: (making an attempt to connect with Miles) Great job! (He looks around the room and not at Miles.) You built it yourself, didn’t you?
Miles: Oh, yeah. Just finished. [subtext: I worked hard on this and could probably use a compliment.]
(Julian starts to do his warm-up routine again, task of having made a connection accomplished in his mind.)
Miles: I missed playing and figured there’d be a couple of other players on board.
Miles: (slightly irritated) Didn’t think you’d be one of them.
Julian: (in full explanation mode and trying to connect to Miles some more through that explanation) Captain of the team at Starfleet Medical Academy. We took the sector championships in my final year.
Miles: (looking slightly frazzled) What? Against other medical students? [subtext: yeah, but against other nerds right?]
Julian: (either not concentrating on Miles’ tone and expressions or just plain not seeing how much Miles is not enjoying this and thinking “oh this is great, we’re sharing and I get to tell a story”) Against everybody! Played a Vulcan in the finals. Talk about stamina. (going back to his routine) Didn’t think he ever actually broke a sweat. (focusing hard on his routine)
Miles: You won? [subtext: what the fuck]
Julian: (breaks out of routine and looks at Miles) Took him on a back ball riser shot.
Miles: Oh. (looking down in obvious discomfort) Well, uh, I can’t say I’ve had much in the way of formal training myself, but, y’know, it’s been a serious pastime for a lot of years. [subtext: I really, really like this game, and you’re making me feel insecure, but I have my strengths here.]
Julian: (back on his routine and not paying attention, may also think he’s giving a compliment) Oh, some of the toughest players I’ve come up against didn’t really know what they were doing.
Miles: (half way between irritated and actually asking) Really?
Julian: (maybe hearing the tone this time, maybe realizing how that sounded; either way, eyes wide and apologetic expression) Formally… I mean.
(Miles laughs half-heartedly.) [subtext: Get off my fucking racketball court.]
Julian: (sensing he’s goofed and feeling the need to explain himself) Hey whatever works works. [info dumps on the routine he’s doing while doing the routine] Fancy a game?
Miles: (tossing him the ball and now pretty irritated) Serve.
Julian: (trying to guess what he needs to do and falling back on his knowledge of racketball) I guess by the lines you prefer the old-style rules.
Miles: (walking towards him like he’s about to deck him) I can play any style you like.
Julian: (oblivious and probably thinking “Traditional is fun and it’s what Miles knows”) Traditional it is then. Always been my personal favorite.
Miles: (angrily) Serve!
(Julian gives a little mischievous look as he gets into game mode, runs to the side of the room, and bounces the ball in an unexpected way that keeps Miles from defending. He turns and sees a very pissed off Miles. This time he seems to register the expression.)
Julian: (nervously, but still following the rules of the game) One.
It’s such a perfect little microcosm of having not figured out the other person yet and being immersed in something an autistic person finds enjoyable to the point of not registering others’ tone and expressions because you’re so focused on the enjoyable thing. I know I’ve had similar interactions when it comes to Shakespeare, complete with the seemingly cold comments.* I don’t think Julian is trying to be mean in this scene. He’s already said how much he likes Miles and has tried to make friends with him before now. He’s just that focused on racketball and still trying to figure out Miles.
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*The “cold comments” tend to pop up around how many plays the other person has seen or read. It’s one of the first questions people ask and my truthful answer is “I’ve seen and read almost all of them” – a statement that I’ve found immediately puts the other person on the defensive. If I’m trying to be sociable, I end up commenting on how the history plays or the comedies or the tragedies really are Shakespeare’s best work depending on which plays the person I’m talking to has seen or read – when, in reality, I know that they each have their own strengths and weaknesses and could debate the topic of “best” for hours. If I’m really trying to be good and/or I’ve already goofed, I’ll ask them which plays they’ve read or seen before revealing my own hand and then pretend that those are my favorites and that I’ve not read the others. The other cold comments come in as soon as anyone mentions Romeo and Juliet since I despise the surface level interpretations of it as a “play about love.” Teenagers being stupid and getting killed is not “the perfect love story;” I don’t care if it’s the first play you ever read or if your boyfriend quoted it at you. I will die on this hill.
especially because like. People take Julian as if he’s being arrogant etc but… Julian literally wanted to be a professional tennis player. and it’s KNOWN that tennis is his whole thing by a lot of people.
and no, he doesn’t tell that to miles because he doesn’t tell anybody anything, especially about his personal life, but he actually significantly downplays how much he plays tennis, and then does everything he can to politely stop playing with him even though he can TELL miles is angry and tired and can’t keep up
and julian knows he can’t keep up with julian’s manufactured self who pretends to be worse at tennis and darts than he actually is - but ESPECIALLY not his actual self
but you can see through the episodes that julian ACHES because he wants!!!! to play! he wants to have fun!! he wants to connect with miles!
but every time he does he ends up trying to hold himself back not just physically but emotionally because he knows he always rubs miles the wrong away and it obviously upsets him that he does, bc like. if he didn’t really like and respect miles he wouldn’t keep TRYING so desperately to be his friend
