Icon from a picrew by grgikau. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
One day, Clark is bored at work so he messages Bruce saying as much, hoping they could talk for a bit to help pass the time.
What he did not expect was for Bruce to tweet ‘ostriches arn’t real’.
The office becomes alive with activity. Perry marches over and tells Clark to write an article about how one of the richest men in the world does not believe a bird exists.
The interview?
Clark Kent: “Would you care to elaborate on what you meant about not believing ostriches exist?”
Bruce Wayne: “No.”
Others then ask Bruce what his thoughts on other birds are. Penguins? Real. Flamingos? Not real. Pigeons? Some are, some arn’t. It depends.
On the upside Clark’s afternoon became a whole lot less boring. On the downside there is now a Twitter account called 'BirdsBruceWThinksArntReal’.
“robins?” clark asks as the last question. “robins aren’t birds.”
The thought that Brucie Wayne and Batman being two completely separate entities that Bruce can code switch between has consumed me especially with the idea that he mixes the two together on occasion to fuck with people
~~~~~~~~~
*Batman and Superman searching a dressing room*
Superman: What about this thing, it looks suspicious?
Batman *full Batman voice*: That’s an eyelash curler darling
~~~~~~~~
*OG JLA revealing identities to newbies*
Green Arrow: Your turn Bats, who are you?
Batman having decided to fuck with him walking up to him cocking his hip putting one hand on his chest and in full Brucie Wayne mode: C’mon Ollie-Dollie you know who I am. We dated 💕
Green Arrow (internally): Modem noise
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recently revealed identities with Clark and Brucie being at the same party
Brucie: oh howdy 🤠 cowboy, fancy meeting you at this shindig
Clark *flustered* (internally): he can’t be Batman he can’t be Batman he can’t be Batman…
~~~~~~~~~
*Bruce getting a call during a JLA meeting*
Brucie: Oh! hello dear, yes of course I’m coming to your party I’ll see you later 😘
Batman: Our security measures need to be increased due to the number of criminals currently attempting to follow heroes to their base of operations
JLA *experiencing whiplash*: what.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*undercover Brucie and members of the JLA at a party*
Bruce *pretending to be drunk wandering over to the flash*: excuse moi but can I get your attention for just a momento😊
Flash *completely disconnecting Bruce and bats*: yeah uh sure sir are you alright
Batman *quiet but deep Batman voice*: there’s an assassin in the rafters
@sharkchimedes and I were joking around and we realized Connecticut Clark and Malfina would work with Clark and Bruce and I finally got around to making it. this took three and a half episodes of The Batman to make enjoy
“I told her I’ve never met anyone like her. I told her I trusted her with my life. And that… I felt tied to her in a way that I… couldn’t explain, but wouldn’t change. Ever.”
This morning I’m thinking about manpain. Specifically, superhero angst.
Specifically Batman. And Captain America.
As a digression, I feel like what distinguishes “manpain” from just regular pain is not so much the man but the shooting directions. Like, you know it’s manpain when the camera goes into tight closeup on their clenched jaw, or when they are shot backlit in an alley with smoke swirling around their feet. Or with a big fire blazing behind them. Or if they are trudging through a crowded cityscape that’s all black and white and they are the only ones in color.
Case in point: this is Batman. His parents are dead. It’s very sad. He has a lot of manpain.
Because of all his pain, Batman is not fully able to trust anyone. He pushes everyone away. Sometimes he lashes out against those closest to him.
This is Batman at Christmas time.
Batman is not ever going to go to therapy and deal with his trust issues, or talk about whether he might have something like depression and whether it might respond to medication, even though he could definitely afford it because he is a billionaire. He’s not going to do these things because of editorial decree.
“They put on a cape and cowl for a reason,” says DC co-publisher Dan Didio. “They’re committed to defending others — at the sacrifice of all their own personal instincts. That’s something we reinforce. If you look at every one of the characters in the Batman family, their personal lives kind of suck.”
Okay. This is Captain America. His parents are dead too. Actually, almost everybody he ever knew is dead, because he got frozen for seventy years.
(By the way if you do a Google image search for “Captain America Punching Bag,” Google will show you some stuff and will also, right at the top, helpfully prompt you with a couple other search terms that you’re probably interested in: “Chris Evans” and “Butt.”)
(A++ Google, carry on.)
Anyway, so Captain America has a lot of manpain too.
Because he’s grieving and lonely, Captain America works hard at forming connections with the new people he meets. He doesn’t understand their frame of cultural reference, so he diligently follows up whenever somebody gives him a book or movie or other kind of recommendation.
He visits a support group for veterans.
He also checks in with his teammates regularly, and makes sure they know that he cares about them. He listens to their problems and offers his support.
So my point here is pretty simple. I think the Captain America characterization is a lot more interesting and complex. It just gets boring to have a character like Batman who is always going to have the same shit because he’s never gonna deal with his shit because he’s not allowed to deal with his shit. By contrast, Steve Rogers is warm and human and adult and fucken’ heroic. He’s got shit too but he mans up and carries it the best he can.
Both Batman and Captain America are actually team leaders, but Batman isn’t allowed to be a very good one because he also has to be a brooding loner who hangs out on top of gargoyles most of the time. Preferably in the rain.
Captain America gets rained on, too. The difference, I think, is that at some point he would go out and buy an umbrella.
Captain America gets rained on, too. The difference, I think, is that at some point he would go out and buy an umbrella.
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS ^^^^
This comment might be considered spoilery for the new show Gotham, so be forewarned for that.
We watched the premiere of Gotham last night. After Bruce’s parents are murdered, Gordan tells him that he needs to be ‘strong’. All I could think is that perhaps if he’d told that traumatized little boy to go home and cry and grieve, Bruce would have turned out a much happier person.
