moveslikekeithrichards:

due to the arrival of spring and its gift of ants weve really been pushing the kids to put a napkin under their breakfast & clean up all the crumbs afterwards with the dustpan & broom. so anyway today we ran out of napkins from our Napkin Dispenser so i got a new bag of napkins out of the closet and put that Next to the dispenser. and this kid comes up, looks at the dispenser, and goes, “oh, we’re out of napkins.” & leaves. which i dont question, because hes 5. and i watch as he goes and retrieves the dustpan & broom and i think, dam, did he already make a mess? and i watch as he Puts the dustpan, which has seen horrors not even god could imagine, On the table and says “Okay, Here We Go.” as he prepares to unwrap his muffin on top of it. and thats how come i had to Emergency Holler a brand new sentence across the room and it is titled “Do Not Use The Dustpan As A Plate!!!!!!!!!” the end .

lacefuneral:

kirksfattitties:

do y’all think spock and sarek ever talk about how fucked up jims brain is