curiousobsession101:

karnythia:

kylorenvevo:

Today I was chatting with a coworker who I knew had been in an abusive relationship in the past. She was laughing as she told me and another coworker about how her ex never let her leave the house. Like she was for real cracking jokes about his jealous rages and how she wasn’t allowed to so much as set foot outside their door if he wasn’t with her, and the way she was telling it was funny, so we laughed along. “That’s why I enjoy doing the little things now, like taking the bus and going to the bank,” she said, and we all giggled because who likes public transportation and doing errands, right?

Then she got serious for the first time since the conversation started, it lasted only for a few moments, but I will never forget the one sentence that she said without smiling: “I’m going to die before I let that happen to me again.”

There was also this one rape victim whom a relative of mine represented in court. The rapist’s lawyer tried to discredit her by pointing out that she’d laughed while giving her testimony. She was eighteen years old on the witness stand, telling a judge and a room full of people about what had been done to her. She giggled because she was embarrassed about having to describe the graphic sex acts, and she nearly lost her case because of that.

I have classmates who laughed while telling me about old men who stole kisses from them. Who made jokes out of stories about their boyfriends screening their messages and forcing them to do things they didn’t want to do. I have known girls who were molested and manipulated for years, who shake their heads and snicker at their own past selves, how could I have let him do that to me, I was so naive, hahaha. This one woman reenacted for me, complete with dramatic gestures and voice impersonations, how her ex-husband who was under a Temporary Restraining Order scaled the gate of her house with a gun, and how she’d locked herself in her bedroom and screamed at the police over the phone to come NOW. Both of us were in stitches at the end of her tale, clutching our stomachs in mirth.

Just because they laugh doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

I can laugh about my abusive ex now because I’m not with him and will never have to let him near me again. I also sometimes wake in a cold sweat because I dreamed that I didn’t leave him. Laughing about trauma is an odd coping skill, but it is super common because it helps people stay sane in the face of awful things. We laugh to keep from crying. 

Psychologically, laughter is one of the ways your brain tries to stabilize excess or unbalanced neurochemicals in response to extremes of emotion or stress. It can be a response to any overwhelming feeling, not just the pleasant ones. Trauma is trauma whether you laugh, cry, or both.

quailsatan:

nurselofwyr:

butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway:

selchieproductions:

i mean, maybe this is my inner “survivor of child abuse” talking, but I am not going to tell abusive parents that they’re bad at bringing up their children without a bullet proof plan with regards to how I could protect my student from the emotional and physical backlash of that meeting.

Important thing to remember about intervening in abuse in general. Any actions taken by others to hold the abuser accountable WILL be taken out on the victim and not the person doing the confronting. Do not confront an abuser about their actions unless you know for absolute certain that you can protect their victim from the fallout.

AN ABBREVIATED GUIDE TO ‘holy shit my friend is in an abusive relationship what do I do’

I still wonder abt that dumbass who told me to dump trash on my abusive mom like ,, these ppl they dont care about you so they tell you to do all these things without considering the conquences just so they feel like theyre doing something for the victim, its disgusting and when youre like no im not gunna do that they turn around and say that the victim support abuse???

boxingcleverrr:

inkskinned:

How often my conversations about feminism have spiraled into requests for assault. I say, “Women don’t need men to defend them,” and am asked, “Can I punch you, then?” And I say, “Women belong in movies and video games and everything,” and I hear terrible things, unprintable slurs and demands for my assault, the threatening of a young woman to shut up: What they would do to silence me. The things they’d shove between my teeth. I say, “Men cannot threaten any woman they disagrees with,” and I’m told, “Women are just as cruel. Am I not supposed to respond in kind?” In my inbox today I have deleted sixteen messages asking for my life. When I say, “Your virginity only means what you want it to mean,” I’m asked, “If you believe in sexual freedom can I fuck you?” When I say “All it takes to be a woman is to want to be a woman,” I am asked, “So if I just say that I’m a woman, can I watch you in the shower?” As if women stand shadowy behind each other in our private moments. As if being woman means sexually assaulting each other.

Part of me - cynical, unwilling to be frightened, says that it might be a nice dose of reality. My shower where I am naked but my hair becomes streaky and thin, where my body sags, where my makeup smears. To witness a woman less than sexy, legs akimbo while shaving, pulling up flab thighs to reach the underside. Part of me dares them to punch me because I fight to win and am small but I’ll kill a man if he touches me. Once I dropped a U.S Marine. Part of me, hellfire and ice queen - says come on, then. You want a fight? Come fight me.

But more is scared. More timidly deletes messages, makes sure my name is hidden, doesn’t answer the endless antifeminist comments. The insertion of men and their opinion on simple things like “I teach children to ask before hugging.” When I close my eyes sometimes I wonder if they’re right and that scares me. How much am I going to change when my voice only echoes around me.

Why are you angry. Why are you angry. What do you think we are taking from you? If it’s not already equal why would equality frighten you.

The ancient art of being a woman and trying to get your voice heard: the gentle suggestion, the peaceful comment. The quiet listening to another opinion and the fact we must acknowledge it before we can continue. That I must educate, be sweet, be feminine in my feminism or else it’s “invalid.” I must present my declaration as a timid thing: “Women maybe should be part of more things.” And then the apologies: of course I don’t hate men, yes I like plenty of things with men in them, no I don’t think women are better. And then the explanations: women are people, here is the number of women in media, here is the number of dead women in media, here are the number of shows led by men. And then I brace for it. For the bullying.

Every time I speak it’s from a flinch. From “maybe this isn’t always the case but for me it is.” From please listen. From less demanding. God forbid I state factually that men are violent. If I speak about our fathers and brothers and the cycle of anger unfolding. God forbid I suggest that just once we should cut the bullshit and treat women well without pandering to men about how that helps them. What if I say “Men shouldn’t hit anyone. Hitting isn’t an answer.”

I’ll tell you what happens. The post was up for four seconds with three notes. The message I get is “If hitting isn’t allowed I’ll just go ahead and shove a gun down your throat.”

Why are you angry. Why are you angry. What do you think we are taking from you?

fvlani:

dynastylnoire:

exposing-the-bullshit:

Stop abusing your boyfriends and yes what you are doing is abuse.

Stop:

• Yelling at him in front of his friends 
  
• Hitting or slapping him when he does or says something you don’t like
• Telling him he doesn’t have a choice when it comes to decisions that involve both of you 
• Telling him he can’t hang out with friends because you don’t like him
• Telling him to not talk to other girls even if they are his friend
• Forcing him to spend every moment with you 
• Belittling him and pointing out all his flaws
• Calling him stupid or making fun of him for making a mistake
• Threatening to break up with him if he doesn’t do what you want
• Being emotionally manipulative and crying until he does what you want
• Accusing him of cheating every time he’s not with you
• Blow up is phone if he doesn’t text you every five minutes 
• Telling him you are the must thing that has ever happened to him and no one else will love
• Physically attacking him when ever you are mad
• Forcing him to have sex despite that fact that he said he didn’t want to
• Invading his privacy by going through his phone
• Getting mad at him for changing his password and demanding he tell you what it is

If a guy did any of these things to a girl it would be considered abuse but since its the other way around its considered normal. Throughout High school I saw many girl treating their boyfriends like shit. Sometime even physically abusing them in the hallways and no one trying to stop it because its a girl attacking a boy. 

Boys: If your girlfriend does anything on this list leave her. It is abuse and you deserve better.

Girls: if you find your self doing anything on this list to your boyfriend you need to knock it off because you are being abusive. 

!!!!!!!!

My brother was abused by his babies mom and it started like this and escalated to child abuse and neglect.

You don’t deserve to be screamed at, ignored, or assaulted.

Not showing affection when she wants or not hugging her before class) or missing a phone call doesn’t warrant getting cussed out or hit.

Lol, I lost 5 followers from reblogging this. That’s fine, y'all can go

itsfinnick:

So, a Norwegian author and librarian wrote an article in a paper today, about Fifty Shades of Grey, and I felt it was so incredibly important, that I decided to translate it to English, and post it here for you all to see and read. I take no credit for this piece of writing, all I did was translate it.

Author: Olaf Moriarty Solstrand.

// No Copyright Infringement Intended //

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