Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.

The Signs As Vine Quotes

  • Aries: “What up, I’m Jared I'm 19, and I never fucking learned how to read”
  • Taurus: "Hi welcome to Chili's"
  • Gemini: "I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH"
  • Cancer: "Ah, fuck. I can't believe you've done this."
  • Leo: "What the FUCK is up Kyle"
  • Virgo: "Look at all these chickens"
  • Libra: "CHRIS IS THAT A WEED"
  • Scorpio: "Next time you put a hand on me Imma fuckin rip your face off BITCH"
  • Sagittarius: "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"
  • Capricorn: "You better watch out, you better watch out, you bETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT”
  • Aquarius: "Welcome to bible study, we’re all children of Jesus! Kumbaya, my lord!"
  • Pisces: "Suh dude"

The Signs as Quotes I’ve Collected on My Phone

woodys-aesthetics:

Aries: “Nothing good happens after midnight. The only things open are Taco Bell, the emergency room, and legs.”

Taurus: “I wanna die calmly in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and crying in the backseat like the others.”

Gemini: “Freaking guy trying to flirt like I’m in pajamas playing Dragon City eating white cheddar Cheez-its.”

Cancer: “Friends are family. Not food.”

Leo: “I’m stressed. I’m depressed. Be happy that I’m dressed.”

Virgo: “Did you just try to bite me?”
“No, I wanted to hold your arm with my teeth.”

Libra: “Some people don’t give a shit, and then some people give too much of a shit”

Scorpio: “If I knew where my middle finger was, I’d be flipping you off.”

Sagittarius: “Stay classy. No, stay slutty, bitch.”

Capricorn: “Nobody is gonna want to marry you if you stick doorknobs in your mouth.”

Aquarius: “They don’t like being called hoes. They prefer garden tools.”

Pisces: “Can someone video so I have proof when I tell my parents about this.”

bowling-with-skulls:

favoritelatina:

lipstickstainer:

lipstickstainer:

alright listen you lil shits!!

Aries: 8/10 y'all are chill af but got a demonic side to y'all and it’s like ummmm …. pls calm down thank u

Taurus: 8/10 y'all be chillin too but sometimes y'all just pop off out of know where and you’re like ???? damn do you need to step outside or??

Cancer: 4/10 …. honestly like idk wtf y'all be on but pls go take a nap and don’t bother anyone but your own sign and your sign only thank u

Gemini: 6/10 most of the time YALL are great and I try to give y'all the benefit of the doubt but then y'all feel like y'all got too much freedom and just burn down buildings for fun I can’t keep up pls stop

Leo: 5/10 … y'all get an extra 3 points because y'all are a fire sign but honestly … calm down???? why are you so dramatic??? omfg like homie listen it’s not that big of a deal

Virgo: 9/10 honestly YALL are really nice but y'all really be so high on a horse like …. come down …. stop …. you’re not god ….

Libra: 7.5/10 y'all got this cute charm thing going on for y'all but y'all are indecisive, ugreatful, manipulative, impossible, cry baby assholes like fuck stfu

Scorpio: 7/10 y'all make great friends but y'all get pissy over the stupidest shit, can’t control ya emotions, act like the world owes you something, y'all have this fucking god-complex that everyone says aquarians have like holy fuck listen buddy, life is not black & white, everyone likes typical shit like the color pink but also likes to watch gory movies you are not “different”

Sagittarius: 9/10 we’re fucking awesome but shit we be too much sometimes and we never fucking deal w our emotions and we run away from shit when it gets too hard but judge tf outta others when they do it

Capricorn: 9.5/10 almost perfect but not there because you’re constantly over worrying shit, judge people, act like y'all are better than everyone, pretend your life isn’t a constant mess because you’ve painted a perfect picture for everyone and your closet is a fucking mess

Aquarius: 7/10 y'all chill too but you never answer your fucking phone, you barely go around your family or friends, you pop up out of the blue, your sc is always lit but tu never invite anyone, you never sleep, always forget to eat and only exist when you feel like it

Pisces: 6/10 do you even exist???? where tf you be at???? why y'all so salty and bratty??? why do y'all act like we gotta be nice to you cause your feelings are so sensitive like damn bitch ain’t no one care drink some damn orange juice

every time I forget about this someone reblogs it lmao

BITCH WHY DID U JUST DRAG ME…

BINCH FUCK MY HEART

moonsays12:

The Signs as Everyday People:


Scorpio - The Tough Guy/Gal 😈

Aries - The Persistent Salesperson 💰

Aquarius - The Rebel For a Cause 😎

Cancer - The Stay/Work-At-Home Parent 👶

Taurus - The Boy/Girl Next Door 💋

Sagittarius - The Techie Philosopher 🤓

Capricorn - The Wise Old Hermit ☠️

Pisces - The Distracted Daydreamer 😴

Leo - The Leader of the Squad ⭐️

Libra - The Couple ❤

Gemini - The Chatty Barista 😜

Virgo - The Bitter Professor 🎓

the signs as things found in the woods

bowling-with-skulls:

partner-fortunes:

aries : a moss-covered statue of someone who looks eerily familiar

taurus : a small deer with too-intelligent eyes

gemini : a mask made of bone

cancer : a deflated basketball with roots growing from it

leo : a trail of footprints that doesn’t have an ending

virgo : a red light with no apparent source

libra : strange lights leading down a rabbit trail

scorpio : a skeleton of something much bigger than a human

sagittarius : a cave made of twigs with something living inside

capricorn : a rusted chain with a broken padlock beside it

aquarius : an abandoned railroad with thousands of pennies lining the tracks

pisces : a notebook with all of the pages torn out except one

@athenasarrow @7squishysquids

The Signs As Quotes from my My College Algebra Teacher (Part 1?)

  • Aries: "I am particularly offended by that 5, so I'll subtract it from each side."
  • Taurus: "You should be good at completing the square because we have so many complete squares at this school."
  • Gemini: "I don't know if you all know this, but Pythagoras is actually my uncle."
  • Cancer: "At one point when I was younger, I adopted two orphans...they were dogs."
  • Leo: "Let's discuss for a moment...what do you call that stuff? Oh! Spice!"
  • Virgo: "While we are waiting for this to load, let us discuss the tasmanian wolf."
  • Libra: "You have achieved mathematical puberty."
  • Scorpio: "If I talked about the Bible, I'd get fired, which is what I'm trying to do."
  • Sagittarius: "Common core is a communist plot."
  • Capricorn: "Let's talk about marijuana! What is the active ingredient in marijuana?"
  • Aquarius: "*uses stickman as a variable* If you have log base 'a' to the power of stickman..."
  • Pisces: "When my little graphie crosses the x-axis..."