Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.

The signs as things my dad has said to me

vanconcastiel:

b1gbuffcheetopuff:

Aries: “Tell the cops to wait, I’m playing Call of Duty.”

Taurus: “Fuck it, I’m going to Canada.”

Gemini: “COME HOME THIS INSTANT I ACCIDENTALLY MADE 144 COOKIES.”

Cancer:  (playing cod) “I can’t hear you over the sound of me kicking all these twelve-year-olds’ asses.”

Leo: (pointing to a bruise on my hand) “Is that a hickey?”

Virgo:  “Don’t tell your mom, but I’m happy for the gays.”

Libra: “Sad movies are dumb.  I don’t want to pay ten dollars to cry for two hours.  I do that every day for free.”

Scorpio: “I want the board to change my job title from CEO to supreme leader.”

Saggitarius: “The only reason I have a facebook is to embarass your mom.”

Capricorn: “I have a crush on Eric Dane.”

Aquarius: “I’m hiding from your mother because I just told her to fight me and I’m scared she’ll win.”

Pisces: “When I die, make sure I get a viking funeral.  If I’m getting cremated, I’m getting cremated like a badass.”

The only one of these things worth reblogging

hypocrites

  • Aries: wants everyone to love them but can't love anybody back
  • Taurus: wants people to appreciate what they do for them but forgets to appreciate people
  • Gemini: is the flakiest person alive but hates when people flake on them
  • Cancer: is highly emotional but hates when people are too emotional around them
  • Leo: is super flirty with everyone and it means nothing but hates when people flirt with them when it means nothing
  • Virgo: wants people to be direct with what they want from them but is constantly passive aggressive while hoping you catch on
  • Libra: wants everyone to support them but forgets to support others
  • Scorpio: wants to read your every thought but hates when people are intrusive
  • Sagittarius: wants respect and to be heard but is oblivious to the wants of others
  • Capricorn: is impassive but hates when people are expressionless
  • Aquarius: wants you to be there for them always but can't be there for you ever
  • Pisces: is preoccupied mentally all the time but hates when people can't give them their full attention

the signs stressed af

  • omFG I'M GONNA FUCkiNG DIE GOoodBYE WORLD I'LL SEE Y'ALL IN HELL: taurus, gemini, scorpio
  • *paces around room for 6129322+ hours*: libra
  • okay you touch me i'll explode: aries, cancer, leo
  • uh yeah i'm going to stay under my blankets for the next 7 years so if you'll excuse me: sagittarius, pisces
  • hehe no i'm fine *screams internally into the void*: virgo, capricorn, aquarius