I work with a woman who we’ll call A. A and I have worked together for a few years now. We chat about each others’ families and what’s going on in our lives when we’re at work. We’re friends on Facebook, of course, but that hardly means anything. We don’t talk online or on the phone, and even though we literally live down the street from each other, I never see her outside of work.

A is engaged. The other day at work, we were talking about her wedding preparations. She mentioned that she’s trying to get the invitations finished, and she needs my address if I want to come to the wedding. So I responded, “If you want to invite me.” And she said that of course she was inviting me. I’m ‘one of [her] only friends around here.’

Oh. Well, to be honest, that rather threw me for a loop. I didn’t class our relationship as 'friends’. Pleasant acquaintances and coworkers, sure. But friends? I mean, we have been over to each others’ places before and hung out, though only a few times and always with other people. These plans have always hung on whether the third person could make it.

Is that friendship? Is my definition of friendship too narrow? Do expect too much from people? Has this been my problem this whole time? Do I need to accept that I do indeed have 'real life’ friends, but we’ll never have a true close friendship? Is this adult friendship? How much of this is tied to my low self-confidence and social awkwardness?

Will someone please explain friendship and people to me? I don’t understand.

(and yes, we’ll try to go to the wedding, as long as we can find a babysitter b/c I’m not taking James anywhere near her family.)