kirkenovak:

Death, who’s aware that her brother had been trapped in a basement since the start of the 20th century and only managed to got out several days earlier: Have you seen Mary Poppins (1964)?

Dream, who’s been trapped in a basement since the start of the 20th century and only managed to get out only several days earlier: No.

andhumanslovedstories:

andhumanslovedstories:

andhumanslovedstories:

andhumanslovedstories:

I wanna write a Hob/Dream fic except it’s Dream being like “now we shall have sex” and Hob is like “wait for real” and Dream is like “why would it not be for real” and Hob is like “okay but like imaginary dream sex or like here in my bed right now, what are we talking” and Dream is like “firstly. dream sex is real sex. secondly yeah here on your bed in the waking world, what is confusing” and Hob is like “…like anal sex?” and Dream is like “…if you like? this seems more distressing to you than I anticipated?” Hob is like “well ever since I found out you’re the King of Dreams (which was NOT my guess for what your deal was btw fyi) I sorta assumed you…didn’t? have the parts?” and Dream is like “the parts?” and Hob has no fucking idea if this. this. being. if he has a penis and balls and or a vagina and or a butthole or like what, is like the deal. what’s up down there. metaphysically speaking. “does your kind have sex to reproduce?” and Dream is like “sometimes yes but usually no” and then Hob is like “do you need to eat food to live” and Dream is like *SCOFF* really scoffily because he is a dick, and Hob, losing his mind, is like “okay then you see my confusion because, and I’ll be crude here, why do you even need genitals or an asshole” and Dream, horny, is like “FOR SEX”

They get pretty close to having sex but then Hob is like “okay but if you have urethra, do you also have kidneys? do you need kidneys? you’re the creator and creation of humanity’s collective subconscious, right? can you get a kidney stone??” and Dream, who hasn’t fucked in a thousand years by the way and was really looking forward to doing so, is like “I get a kidney stone if I desire to have a kidney stone” and Hob is like “somehow that’s more confusing”

Hob is at last ready, he’s like “okay, great, cool, I’m ready. do we need a condom” and Dream is like “do you think a condom could possibly protect you” and Hob is like “I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR ANATOMY. AND I DON’T LIKE HOW YOU PHRASED THAT”

This by the way is the funniest post people could think is about the Minecraft guy

fencehopping:

Extruding pasta

your-faves-fucked-on-the-dwcb:

Julian Bashir and Elim Garak from Star Trek Fucked on The Down With Cis Bus

thereddestpotato:

viejospellejos:

Clone wars

hopeidontgetaddictedtothis:

Dream’s subtle, sarcastic smiles throughout this episode are great. He finds their passive aggressiveness quite amusing.

And finally, this.

“Of course they change into the fancy shiny leather battle gear. They’d never pass up on that opportunity.”

itsrainingcinnamon:

its so funny to imagine that Morpheus probably read pride and prejudice at some point, like can you imagine him ranting to Lucienne about how insufferable and arrogant Mr. Darcy is and Lucienne just stands there like 🧍‍♀️

Morpheus: “How can it be so hard for them to realise their own shortcomings and just admit that they were wrong?”

Lucienne, slightly fuming: “YES, HOW INDEED”

levionok:

Neil-verse goes brrrr

star-trek-shallot:

Kirk: So you like cats?

Spock: Indeed.

Kirk, trying to impress him: *slowly pushes a glass off the dinner table*

vislokawitch:

prosperousduckscommuteviawaffle:

Yea, but how far did Dream keep walking in that rain though? He could have just poofed off in a little sand cloud but it’s like he wanted Hob to see him stomping off. He wanted to hear him shout after him and for Hob to see that he wasn’t turning back. Just, Drama of the Endless going full tilt to prove a petty point.

So right you are. This is Dream after a break up.

He’s been making it rain in the Dreaming.

For almost a month. The entire realm is flooded.

Dream has been standing like this The. Entire. Time.

He takes his brooding very seriously.