If your true love's gifts were all trying to kill you, on which day of Christmas would they most likely succeed?
Day 1- a single partridge could kick my ass
Days 2-4- doves, hens, and calling birds could do it
Day 5- but they'd need to be wearing jewelry
Day 6- geese-a-laying are no joke
Day 7- there's *swans* now??? fuck me
Day 8- milkmaids- outnumbered by human beings
Days 9-10- it would take humans with political power
Day 11- pipers piping would throw off my combat groove
Day 12- drummers have sticks and hit things for a living
N/A- i could fend off all of these things indefinitely
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