finally it will be understood that I am doing it not for hygiene but for slut reasons

sluts are welcome in my empire, be they hairy or smooth

Confused, but cautiously willing to welcome these slippery people into my empire so long as I can put down some plastic drop clothes over the couches before they sit down, and provided they do not become evangelical or moralizing about their thigh slime. (Why stop at thighs? Why not emulate the valiant eel and opt for a full mucusoid coat?)

This probably refers to people whose thighs touch and chafe when they’re wearing shorts or skirts

Aww, and here I was planning an imperial holiday called Slime Fest, with mandatory public slimings.

Very well, anti-chafing measures are permissible. I want my subjects to be comfortable (when they are not fighting to the death obviously).

your highness can we still have slime fest?

*imperial majesty thx

Imperial majesty, can we still have the slime fest?

hmmmmmm

no I’m too sad that the eel people don’t exist and I shall declare an Imperial Day of Sulking instead

all are welcome

The imperial Majesty Sulking

for three hours each day we will open the doors of the palace to the public so that my subjects may view their emperor sulking about the eel people from the royal observation chamber

there will be hors d'oeuvre

Imperial Majesty, bring back Slime Fest or the people shall revolt

don’t threaten me with a good time