Stede tells the crew: "We'll talk it through as a crew" and he gets them to be emotionally open and honest with him and with each other, but he can't bring himself to do the same. He gets Ed to open up to him in a sobbing meltdown but he's a closed book.
I think the first (and possibly only) time in the show that Stede ever actually talks about his own feelings is on the beach: "You make Stede happy."
THIS IS VERY TRUE
and since i have a couple minutes i want to talk about stede and trauma responses.
because stede’s got a lot going on, re: the reasons he makes some pretty poor choices throughout the run of the show; he’s got a touch of narratively ironic main character syndrome, he’s preeeeeeetty fucking non-neurotypically coded, his wealth and material comfort have kept him from noticing the larger state of the world, the hilarious snippy retorts parts of him are hilarious and snippy, etc.
but on top of that: we’ve met his fucking dad. i don’t really want to speculate past what canon showed us, but i’d say he absolutely qualifies as emotionally abusive, and we know he sent stede off to sad alone little rich boy school at some point.
we get zero indication stede has experienced even the barest attempts at emotional support until mary offers them, at which point he’s like ‘what is this… telling people deeply personal things about you that you speak of??? and then people don’t take those things and laugh at you??? they want to help you??? seems sus, i would rather go read a book and/or run away to sea like a small child lugging his backpack of fruit snacks down to the park. also when i tried to tell you about horses with kind eyes you didn’t understand what i was trying to do there and i felt slighted, so thanks to my upbringing i have taken that miscommunication and hung onto it and even if i don’t know it, it’s playing into why i won’t take you up on your very kind and well-communicated offer to alleviate my pain. i am A LOT. it’s sad, it’s realistic, but oh man. it’s hard dealing with me and it’s hard BEING me. tell you the truth, i don’t like it much either. or myself! weird, that.’
this man makes me want to CRY.
anyway: stede grew up with a father who looked him in the face and said: you suck. you deserve no kindness, which is handy because i will never show it to you! and if you don’t get used to that level of cruelty in the place that should feel safest from the person the world says is taking care of you, you are not gonna make it out of this shit alive.
stede made it the fuck out. he cut himself into pieces and shoved himself into boxes and learned to shut his fucking mouth and not expect kindness, so when people offer it to him he doesn’t trust it.
hell. i’m not even sure he knows what kindness is, before he takes his fruit snacks and his backpack and runs away to the sea.
i truly do love this show.
I love all of this, but I do have a slight amendment to make.
Stede tries to talk about his feelings one (1) time prior to the beach. It’s the very first time he and Ed properly meet, in Stede’s quarters. Ed is lying back on the couch, Stede is propped poorly on a table or something. Ed says, “You ever feel trapped? Like you’re just treading water? Waiting to drown?”
And Stede starts to answer, real and honest when he says, “Yes. I have… I very much have felt that way–”
And Ed fucking interrupts.
It’s not even a little interruption, either! Like a request for a clarification or a surprised “no, you?” or anything even vaguely demonstrative of giving an actual living fuck about Stede’s answer! Ed plows straight into Stede’s small, aching truth with a ramble about his own feelings, going so far as to say that Stede “has it all sussed out,” making it clear to the audience and crystal fucking clear to Stede that no, actually, Ed asked him a question but it wasn’t one Stede was meant to answer because Ed thinks he already knows everything he needs to know about this rich weirdo’s emotional landscape.
No one wants to hear what Stede really feels. Even this kind man, this peak pirate, this one person who wants to praise Stede for all the things he’s been tortured for before– even he doesn’t want to hear how close Stede was to giving up and letting the water in.
And so, probably, that means it’s not something meant for Stede. Here’s proof again. The final evidence that establishes the fact: no one wants that kind of thing from Stede. And he’s fine with that. He’s okay. He’s had a lifetime of learning it, and he should just be grateful that Ed had kindly ignored his faux pas, is still willing to be friends even in the face of Stede’s sullying the conversation with his ill-bred, intrusive, filthy fucking feelings.
He’ll just have to remember not to do it again. Which isn’t a problem, really. It’s tiring, to try over and over again – and it’d be easier, better, if he stopped. Stick with what might be safely said in social circumstances; listen and support others as a gentleman ought, but remember too that a gentleman doesn’t burden others.
Keep kicking your legs, Stede Bonnet, and wonder how everyone else manages to walk on water rather than drown in it.
oooh, i had forgotten about that! i agree with this, actually with one …not so much disagreement, as added perspective:
ed’s delighted by stede being a weirdo. he’s incredibly intimidated by stede being rich.
he definitely talks over stede there, but in the same way stede is like: fucking… look at you. you’re so cool and tough and strong and a legit pirate, how could you have pain? and comes in with an image of ed he got from a book ed comes in with a bunch of his own baggage about wealth.
he was taught directly and indirectly that people like stede have made it: they won at Being People. god quite literally loves them the most, god gives them nice things because of that, and stede is worthy of those things in a way ed can’t quite accept he could be, too.
so when he talks over stede, he’s thinking: this man? this peak of Being Loved By God And The World (who is shaking up piracy! who thwarted izzy! who is just… mad and amazing and very attractive even while looking like a half-drowned golden retriever) how could he possibly feel like i do. look at everything he’s got! having Things is how you make it in life, because once you have Things and god loves you most, by god happiness is apparently supposed to come along with.
and since this is their first meeting and stede has been conditioned to read that unintentional rejection of his (very important) attempt to connect as a hard and forever no, he goes: well shit. lesson learned, i must now shut the fuck up or he won’t like me anymore.
the heartbreaking thing here (and the mark of the very good writing in terms of setting up natural conflict via characters being deeply, relatably human) is that if that had happened later? say… in that scene on the deck? there’s almost no chance ed would have talked over him, if i had to make a guess.
they both came in with these images of each other on a pedestal for very, very different reasons, and because of the very specific ways they are each a little bit broken the end of the season is almost inevitable, one way or another.