ADHD culture is saying “what?” when you heard the question someone asked you but… It didn’t fucking… Register… In the brain? And then you hear the question before they ask again and interrupt them when they’re talking because now you’re An Asshole™ who understands
Someone: Hey what time is it?
Me: What?
Someone: Wha-
Me: It’s 3:20
This is actually a thing, while visual info takes 0.1 seconds to process, auditory infor can take 3 to 4 seconds to process, which is why you ask, and then actually hear the question because your brains only just processed it
My husband has ADHD and does this, and I hate repeating myself constantly. One thing that I feel has saved us from so much stress in our marriage is that I’ve just stopped repeating myself. After a while he caught onto what I was doing and stopped saying “what” over and over when I didn’t respond. Now occasionally he’ll ask me “what?” when I said something because he actually didn’t hear me, and I will happily repeat myself for him, but most of the time I just say silent and let his brain compute what I said. So now our conversations go one of two ways:
Me: Hey hon, where is the tv remote?
Him: What??
Me: *silence*
Him: I left it on the couch.
Or
Me: Hey hon, where is the tv remote?
Him: What?
Me: *silence*
Him: Ok, I really didn’t hear you that time, what did you say?
Me: *repeats question*
Even if you don’t have ADHD, I mean, auditory delay happens with a lot of people, not just ADHD folk. If you deal with it, try this approach with your friends and loved ones. It has helped us so much.
I jokingly suggested something similar to my gf called the “3 second rule”. If i don’t respond in 3s, assume I really didn’t hear you.
Tho Im p good at just masking the processing time with UUhhhhHhHhh
Also pro tip for communicating with ADHD people: say the name of the person you want to talk to before you share your thought and wait for them to acknowledge you. That way if we are distracted or otherwise occupied you know can be sure are listening. We very well may still need to process, but it will greatly cut down on the number of times we genuinely didn’t hear a word you just said.
THAT LAST NOTE
PLEASE
I AM BEGGING
This is called APD, or “auditory processing disorder”. It’s very common in ADHDers, I’d say about 60% of ADHDers have APD (which is a subcategory of sensory processing disorder, a group of differences in the processing in the nervous system which are also common in ADHDers and autistic people especially).
Apart from those (roughly) 60%, even more ADHDers have differences in auditory processing that don’t quite meet the criteria for APD.
Tldr; the thing y'all are describing has a name, and if you want to learn more, you can message me/search it up. Hope this helps anyone who was wondering if this is “just a you thing”!
YES to saying the person’s name, PLEASE, I cannot TELL you how many times I check in in the middle of what someone’s saying because I didn’t realize they were talking to me, even when it’s just them and me there, because APD. I wish I could get my wife to start things with my name or “sweetie”!
And it’s fine to stop responding to “What?”, but FFS, discuss it with the person, don’t just stop and wait for them to clue in on their own, that’s rude!