We know Garak wanted to fuck Julian from minute one, but when do we think he fell in love? When was Garak’s “Oh” moment? Or was it a gradual dawning?
I think it was gradual. As they started eating together Garak was realizing he was looking forward to their literary “dates” more and more. And that when Julian couldn’t make it he would miss him terribly. But at the same time it was a disconcerting thought, this dependency on Julian. And the glum realization of how lonely indeed he has been in his exile.
And we can see Garak voice those things as he tries to push Julian away and just let him die alone in The Wire. But Julian doesn’t give up, even when he’s attacked verbally and physically. But Garak does give up, he allows Julian to help him. He allows himself to be completely vulnerable at his hands. And if he doesn’t make it after all he at least knows he has his dear doctor’s forgiveness and can die in peace. But Julian manages to surprise him again! By going to Tain, of all people, and getting him the cure.
And that’s when Garak’s feelings become harder to ignore. But, Cardassia is still his first love and so he keeps his feelings for Julian hidden, so, in the small chance he’d find a way to redeem himself in the eyes of Cardassia… leaving Julian would hurt less. He has his loyalty to his duties as proud Cardassian citizen first.
But then Improbable Cause happens, where Tain “dies”. And with him dies the small but pertinent hope that Garak might be able to go back to Cardassia. And having to conform to his future in exile he can now seriously consider a new future with Julian. If Julian will have him.
These tags from @tailoring-hearts!!
#so i agree #but also consider #there was in fact an oh moment #garak thought he was starting to understand what was happening #but everything with the wire and such was still just #wow i wanna fuck this twink #but we see his oh moment in the episode where he leaves with Odo to find Tain #literally #it’s right there #julian walks with him to his ship and while they’re standing there #the doctor pulls out some delavian chocolates that Garak gifted to him #and he gives them back saying he’ll need them more #you can see the gears turning in garak’s face #you can see the physical oh moment #and he gives julian the most genuine thank you and a smile #and you know #that’s the moment that garak realizes he’s gone for this man #this man who thought #hey he’s going on a dangerous mission he possibly won’t return from #and he loves these chocolates #yes he gave them to me but he needs them more than me #and garak is shook #by that small gesture #anyways while i think it might be gradual there was 100% an oh moment
The chocolates! Of course!!