the iliad

• probably an aries
  
• mad about everything
• will kick anyone’s ass, even their own

the odyssey

• bisexual with a poor sense of direction
  
• just wants to go home
• cries about dogs

herodotus’s histories

• bullshits every assignment they ever turn in
  
• has a fun fact for everything
• probably doesn’t even know if they’re telling the truth any more

the peloponnesian war

• nobody knows what they’re talking about ever
  
• makes everything about politics
• cynical about everything

lucian’s a true history

• only communicates via memes
  
• somehow turns out new fic every week
• never passes up a chance for a dick joke

the poetry of sappho

• into the gaysthetic
  
• has 50 crushes at once
• constantly complains about not having a gf

the idylls of theocritus

• is just here to have a good time
• wants to save the bees
  
• wears flower crowns whenever possible