True LGBTQ allies don’t question publicly how a person identifies.
I wasn’t always out at work. My girl put an engagement ring on my finger two years into our relationship, and I let the guys at work assume my “boyfriend” proposed. We were together six years before I found the courage to come out at my job. Maybe people speculated, but I went along with their hetero assumptions because I worried I would lose my job. I felt sick every time someone brought up relationships. It was awful. I didn’t feel safe, and at the same time, I felt so much shame hiding my girl, hiding my truth.
Still, I would have been devastated if someone had outed me at work, or speculated about my sexuality with others.
We’ve been together 21+ years now, and though I believe that acceptance of equal marriage and LGBTQ rights is directly tied to our visibility, I would never, ever ask someone who choses to remain closeted to come out. I would not discuss or speculate about their orientation publicly. I would respect their choices, even if it meant accepting their attempts to fit in to hetero norms. How could I ever possibly know the specific challenges they face?
Now that I’m out in every aspect of life, I’ve been questioned and challenged by straight people many times. A close friend and colleague actually said to me, “I don’t think you’re really a lesbian.” (I’m more of a four on the Kinsey scale, but he doesn’t even know what that is, so “lesbian” is fine.) I’ve had people ask me if I’m sure of my sexuality, because I “don’t seem gay.” Most people assume my son’s father and I are divorced and my wife is our son’s stepmother. (Nope.)
So, when people speculate in public forums–offline and online–about someone’s sexuality, it pisses me off. If I say I’m queer, I’m queer–until I tell you something different. If a person says they are straight, they’re straight–until they tell you differently.
True LGBTQ allies respect how a person identifies. Period.
THIS.
Clean around your own doorstep and don’t gossip about stuff that has the potential to ruin a person’s life, ESPECIALLY under the guise of “gossip”.