One difficulty of getting older is that I realize just how shitty I was to certain people when I was younger–despite often having the best intentions. Just, I allowed my own lack of emotional maturity and undiagnosed autism and mental illness in combination with attitudes absorbed via osmosis while growing up in a significantly different time to negatively affect my relationships. I didn’t understand certain boundaries and social conventions, and I’m kind of appalled at my behavior in some of my relationships–in some cases relationships I never should have entered into, and wouldn’t have, had I been more aware and awake.
I think a lot of people in my age group have simply decided, “I am who I am, and I’m not changing, because that would require admitting that in all these decades, I still have not become the perfect me.”
And that’s a tempting attitude, but it’s a shitty one. As growing beings, we need to be open to new information. Sometimes that information leads to uncomfortable realizations about ourselves.
But you know, it’s better to admit to a flaw, or an illness, or whatever, because then you can treat it. Anything else is just destructive to yourself, and often to those around you.
