You know that trope where an adopted person finds out who their biological parent is, and the writer keeps using the term “REAL [parent]”? Yeah, it’s super gross, and I wish it would stop.
It devalues adopted parents, step parents, legal guardians, and parental figures, and puts all the emphasis on biology, which is a terrible message to give to non-biological parents, AND to their kids. It’s also a terrible message to give people who’s biological parents are terrible parents. It also often perpetuates the narrative that parents somehow own their children, when it’s used in scenarios where a parent gave up or lost custody of their child, and now wants custody back on no other basis than a biological “right” to the child.
The importance and value a parent has in a person (or character’s) life should be determined by the effect they have on their child, not genetics. A biological parent is not more “REAL” than any other type of parent, ESPECIALLY if they’ve been absent for much/most of the child/person’s life, and it’s genuinely awful to perpetuate the harmful narrative that they are.
it also makes those who gave kids up for adoption feel gross, for that perspective.
i had a kid when i was barely 18, living in my car. i gave her up for adoption because… barely 18, living in my car.
and every time someone finds out and comments that i’m her “real” mother, i feel so gross. i’m not her real mother??? her mother is her mother??? i’m a total stranger? i do not know this child, i’m not her “real” mother??
it’s horrible, and gross, and i hate it. i shouldn’t hold more weight than the people actually loving and caring for her, and damn do i wish that “real parent” bull would stop.
FUCKING THIS.
As an adopted child, I go out of my way to say “bio dad/mom” because I’ve only met my bio mom twice, neither of which I knew she was the person who gave birth to me (I was adopted within the family). My bio dad? No one even knows who he is.
I also really really wish that adoptive parents wouldn’t go out of their way to hide the fact that their kid is adopted. It’s always been such a foreign concept to me that adopted kids find this out only when they’re adults and go in search of their bio parents in the hopes of learning some huge revelation about themselves. I was told I was adopted ever since I could learn to read, and my parents gave me this cute illustrated children’s book called “why was I adopted?” and explained to me that yes, I am adopted, but I am still their child and they love me very much.
I was 12 when I asked my mom who my bio mom was, and she said “Oh it’s your Aunt Kathy” and I was just “oh. Okay.” That’s it. No big revelation, just that I was adopted inside the family and my adoptive dad is biologically my uncle.
More children should be raised like this, like adoption is a normal part of growing up. Making it a huge secret, waiting to tell them until they’re “old enough to handle it” (generally when they’re a teenager or older) is just making it harder on them. Trust me, children as young as five, maybe even younger, can understand the concept.
Teach them with how people rehome kittens or puppies when the cat or dog gets pregnant on accident. Something like “Remember how Mrs. Johnson had all those kittens she couldn’t take care of? Sometimes people have babies they can’t take care of, so they give them to other people who want or can’t have babies of their own and will love them just as much.”
That’s it. It’s seriously that simple. Please stop making adoption a huge deal that has to be hidden from your children.
This is so super important. I have a little cousin who’s adopted from Thailand and god its just so disgusting the idea of “real” parent hnngggggggggggñg. Normalize adoption.
Kill the idea that a bio child is somehow more ‘real’ than literally any other child. Don’t just normalise adoption, popularise it. Encourage people to adopt even if they’re capable of conceiving. Make adoption easier, and fix the system so that biology doesn’t come above everything else. My nephews should have been adopted the second they went into care, then they might actually have a healthy loving family instead of being split between two deadbeat parents who had to be tracked down and forced to take responsibility.