Flute/Piccolo You know you want to, those high notes nearly killed your eardrum. Be warned, though, flutes can double up as good stabbing weapons.

Oboe Hmmmm… be cautious about that one. The oboe is angsty and tense, you do not know when they will lash out and you will never know when they will strike.

Clarinet/Bass Clarinet As a clarinetist, I can assure you that we are weak, mostly harmless, but WEIRD. You may not be the same after fighting us.

All Saxes All bark and no bite. No brains either. Just fight them, they show off too much for their own good.

Bassoon NO! Do not fight the bassoon, they are an endangered species and we must protect them.

French Horn What do you have against them, you can't even hear them. The french horn didn't do anything to you. The french horn is peace and chill, let them be, you have no reason to fight them.

Trumpet YAAASSS! FIGHT THAT TRUMPET! PUNCH THEM WHERE IT HURTS- IN THE EGO!

Trombone Are you stupid you'll get knocked out with the slide you silly person

Euphonium/Tuba DO NOT FIGHT! Their instrument is heavy and metal and WILL give you a bad concussion.

Percussion Nope. Uh uh. Bad idea. They whack stuff. They move big, heavy instruments. They own numerous instruments that could double up as a weapon. Do you want your eye poked out with a mallet?

1st & 2nd Violins YOU'LL BE SWARMED DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY THERE ARE???!!!???!!!!!!

Violas Yeah, you may as well fight them. But you've already hurt them by calling their instrument a violin, so I don't know why you'd want to cause them further pain. But sure, go ahead. You have nothing to lose.

Cellos Make sure to get them after a long, tiring rehearsal, that way their legs will be weak from sitting down for so long and they'll be close to an emotional breakdown. Just be careful, you don't wanna get hit their instrument.

Double Basses Best not. Carrying around an instrument like that, they probably have SOME muscle.

Conductor HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET??? NOOOOOOO!!!!! YOU DO NEVER FIGHT THE CONDUCTOR! DO NOT FIGHT THE CONDUCTOR! IF THEY DON'T MAKE YOU PLAY THE PIECE ALL THE WAY THROUGH AGAIN, THEY WILL POKE AND JAB YOU WITH THEIR BATON THEN THEY WILL FENCE YOU WITH THEIR BATON AND BEAT YOU AND THEN THEY WILL USE THEIR BATON AS A HARRY POTTER WAND AND AVARDA KEDAVRA YOU OKAY? DO NOT FIGHT THE CONDUCTOR! YOU WILL DIE! THEY ARE MAD AND UNPREDICTABLE AND NOT TO BE FOUGHT.