TW: self harm & suicide attempt mention.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time finding healthy ways to cope with overwhelming emotions /: I’m trying to think of a few things that helped me, but I should say beforehand that I have definitely relapsed in the last two years since I posted about not self harming in over a year, and that that also doesn’t mean I’m not getting a lot better, or that you can’t either.

I’d been self harming for a long time but there was a year where I just really lost it. I couldn’t cope with anything, and I was self harming/attempting suicide often. I was camming at the time and covering up my marks became a serious issue, and I felt utterly horrible for lying to my cam friends about relapsing. I felt like I had no control and that I couldn’t keep from doing it again, so why worry them? (I’ve since realized that my members would have likely been really supportive, which I could have really used, but that’s just another reason I have for trying to open up to people I love now. Anywho) One really frustrating failed suicide attempt later, I realized that that was it for me. If I couldn’t die, I had to live. I know that sounds horrible and that’s not how I feel really now, but it was enough for me at the time to try and move forward.

I started setting goals for my skin. I started taking care of my scars and thinking about the tattoos I wanted to cover them. I figured if I cover the spots I’m most likely to self harm, I’ll stop because I love my tattoos. Any reasonable tattoo artist will not tattoo you in an area where you have fresh scar tissue either, so going as long as possible without self harming was a must.

I also started telling people I trusted that I had a serious problem that I needed support to get through. I told some people who were awful about it, and others who were really understanding and helpful to me, but overall I’m glad I reached out to people.

When I’m feeling the need to self harm now, and I can’t find any other way to calm down/ground myself (venting to someone, creative outlets, whatever), I’ll hold an ice cube in my closed fist until I can’t anymore. If that’s not enough, sometimes I’ll run the ice up&down my skin.

If that doesn’t work, I go to sleep. Sleep is a great emotional reset button, but not so good if it’s your main or only source of coping.

The times that I’ve relapsed were due to not even trying other methods of grounding first, on top of letting my support system dwindle. I have to make the healthy choice, every time, and I’m not going to lie to you and say it gets easier every time. Taking care of your mental health requires consistency for anyone. You’re going to need to make the choice to find and use healthy coping alternatives and continue to choose that every time you need it. It’s not easy but it is 110% worth it and I can say with earth shaking certainty that I’m so fucking glad I’m here today to make that choice.