- Aries: "My ex wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER."
- Taurus: "I'm tired during the day."
- Gemini: "And here we have "Rock That Looks Like a Face Rock"; the rock that looks like a face."
- Cancer: "Haha! You fight like a girl! Who is also a baby!"
- Leo: "No sir, I ate a salamander and then jumped out the window!"
- Virgo: "Its like if coffee and nightmares had a baby."
- Libra: "They're NEARLY ALMOST DEAD but NOT QUITE"
- Scorpio: "When there's no cops around, anything's legal!"
- Sagittarius: "Well if it isn't the Pines family. Fat, old, lame, braces."
- Capricorn: "Pain is hilarious!"
- Aquarius: "I should've known from your strange foreign fish language!"
- Pisces: "Get ready to be poked by the fun stick!"