I want to punch whoever came up with the phrase “the customer is always right” because the customer is wrong, like really fucking wrong, 97% of the time.
“I want the tacos with the hard shells”
Me:“ ma'am we don’t serve hard shell tacos. We have a soft flour tortilla or soft corn tortilla”
“Oh. Then I want the corn. Those are the hard shell ones right?”
Me:“no, ma'am, we don’t serve hard shell tacos. We have flour or corn tortillas”
“Flour or corn? So…which ones are the hard ones?”
-.-.-.-
“Hey the lettuce from the salad bar doesn’t taste right.”
“Uh sir we don’t have a salad bar. That’s the decorative kale for our salsa bar. It’s not meant to be eaten”
“Well if it’s not meant to be eaten why are you serving it?!”
“Sir, it’s decorative. We aren’t serving it.”
-.-.-.-
“What’s this extra charge on my receipt? Why are you charging me extra? I demand to talk to a manager!!”
“Sir that’s the tax, it’s 5% in our state.”
“No you’re trying to steal from me, I’ll have you fired!”
“Sir, it says right there that it’s the tax.”
-.-.-.-Good god the list could go on forever
“Why aren’t you scanning my coupon?”
“Because it’s expired, Ma'am.”
“Well, can’t you just run it anyway and just… Not tell anyone?”
“No ma'am, the cash register knows all the coupons and it will detect that this one’s expired.”
“That’s not fair! You can’t just send people coupons and not let them use them when they’re only a day late!”
“Ma'am, I-”
“Can’t you just run it??”
“No, ma'am. I can’t. It’s imposs-”
“THEN FIND ME SOMEONE WHO CAN!!”I can’t count the number of times customers will claim to know our prices better than us and the managers.
“Excuse me, there aren’t enough croutons in my salad.”
“Oh, I’m sorry but I can’t get more.”
“He has more than me.”
“We do the same amount for everyone, ma’am.”
“Find someone for me who will get me croutons.”
—-
“Do you use lard in the pie crust?”
“No, we use vegetable shortening.”
“That’s still lard.”
“No, it’s shortening, it’s from vegetable oil.”
“Now I don’t even know if I want dessert, do you have anything else?”
“We have apple pie as well.”
“Then I’ll take that.”
—-
“And will you be having the vegetable stew?”
“Why are you assuming that?”
“Oh well the other option is clam chowder and it’s not vegan.”
“Don’t assume that I just won’t have the clam chowder.”
“Sorry, so would you like a cup or a bowl of the clam chowder?”
“I CAN’T HAVE THE CLAM CHOWDER I’M VEGAN.”