Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. BlueSky: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
But just imagine how great it would have been if Clint had been the one to go for Natasha when Ultron had her. It would have been such an awesome parallel: she fought like hell and was willing to give almost anything to have him back in the first film, and then in this one it was his turn.
Except when he reaches the building she’s being held in he finds she’s already freed herself and taken out half a dozen drones.
Natasha: Took you long enough
Clint: Aw, come on
Natasha: I already owe you. Couldn’t let you get further ahead
Clint, of course, would want to argue that she didn’t owe him anything (’cause just having her in his life was reward enough), but it wouldn’t be the time and place so he’d just look at her with big heart eyes and they would run off together to kick some robot ass.
See, what you need to understand is that “Not all guys like that” is never going to work. Because you’re answering an entirely different conversation than what women are actually saying.
You think women are saying “Every man is a predator and a danger to me.” And you’re replying, “But I’m not like that.”
But women aren’t saying that. They’re saying “There are too many situations where women have to worry about their safety,” and you’re saying “That’s not important.” They’re saying “Women are constantly told it’s their fault if something bad happens,” and you’re saying “Don’t worry about it.” They’re saying “Too often, women find their trust violated by men,” and you’re saying “But you should trust me!”
They’re saying “So many men have decided that what they want is more important than anything about a woman.” And you’re replying “I’m exactly like that.”
I think it’s incredibly important to express when you love someone. Tell your parents if you love them. Tell your friend who helped you through every bad break up since you were 14. Tell your fat cat. Tell them.
Losing your best stuffed animal friend is a terrible thing, so when the staff at the Adare Manor Hotel in Adare, County Limerick, Ireland discovered a sweet plush bunny named Jellycat all by himself, they new he must’ve been forgotten by a child who was surely missing him terribly. Claire, the hotel concierge, immediately started to make some calls in effort to locate Jellycat’s bff and the hotel posted a photo (top image) of the bunny on their Facebook page in hopes that his owner’s family would see it and contact them.
In the meantime other members of the Adare Manor decided to give the lost bunny the royal treatment and post photos of his impromptu vacation. They treated Jellycat to afternoon tea, a massage, a walk around the grounds, and a cozy seat by a fireplace. When it became clear that Jellycat was going to be spending the night, he was put up in a 5-star room with a king-sized bed, a tiny bathrobe, and tasty chocolates.
A few days later Jellycat was reunited with his young friend and her family, who were incredibly grateful that the hotel had worked so hard to find the bunny’s owner and treated him so extraordinarily well during his unexpected stay.
Nah, i’m gonna share this moose for a reason, and with a story!
Once upon a time, there was a young lad – let’s call him adhocavenger, though for reasons soon to be seen, we shall keep him totally anonymous and only refer to him by this completely non-indicative alias – portaging through the wilds of northern Minnesota with his buddies. (This is a common activity for young Minnesotans, as is taking the fishheads you cut off of your day’s fishing, chucking them well off into the woods, and then when the bears come to eat them, turning on your headlights and bearwatching. Apparently there isn’t a lot to do in Minnesota.)
As teenaged young men are wont to be, they were goofing around on this late summer day, whilst carrying their gear in their canoes across an island. Now, for those of you who might not be aware, late summer and early fall are when moose are, shall we say, amorously inclined. This fact shall become important to our story in a moment – but for right now, this group of teenage boys is casually carrying their canoes across any old island in the Land Of Oh God So Many Lakes & Also Mosquitoes.
Goofing around, on this day, included imitating the sounds of various wildlife, and laughing about it. Bird chirps? Imitate bird chirp, rather badly, and laugh. Different bird? Yeah, imitate that one too. Moose make their horrific bellowing sounds from somewhere nearby? Yeah, okay, let’s answer tha–
OH FUCK OH SHIT OH GODDAMN THAT’S A FUCKING BULL MOOSE RUN RUN RUN RUN ROUND THE FORECOURT RUN FOR AZERBAIJAN RUN FOR THE FUCKING WATER GET IN THE WATER THE MOOSE CAN’T–
SHIT MOOSE ARE REALLY GOOD SWIMMERS FUCK SHIT PADDLE FASTER OH GOD HIS ANTLERS ARE SAILS OH JESUS PLEASE SAVE MY STUPID TEENAGE ASS (now you see why an alias was important) FROM BEING SO FUCKING DUMB AS TO TAUNT THE ONLY MEGAFAUNA FROM THE ICE AGE TO HAVE SURVIVED TO THE MODERN DAY
… the bull moose chased their quickly-paddling asses across the lake for a solid couple of miles, until he was well sure that, in fact, these imposters were not, in fact, going to be sticking around his island to sing the song of his people to any lady moose, and get in the way of his megafauna mojo. Meanwhile, they paddled as if their lives depended on it, because it is entirely possible that they did.
Do not taunt happy fun megafauna, kids.
Truly, there is nothing I do not love about this.
I am required by law to tell this story every time I can, because if this had happened to a non-anonymous person, it would be a non-anonymous person to whom I am married. Ahem.
Seriously, moose are fucking awesome and also fucking dangerous. If living in MN my whole life has taught me one thing, it is this: DO. NOT. FUCK. WITH. MOOSE.
No ok but I actually met him. Several of my colleagues and students were hired to do some assessments for several manmade and natural ponds on his property. He wanted to maintain them with several different fish populations so that kids nearby could fish and have a good time.
While we were working he rode up in his four wheeler with a terrified look on his face. I never thought I would see a former football player on the verge of tears, but boy howdy he nearly was. Several of us stop what we were doing and go over to see what was up.
“I was running the tractor through the field and almost hit a fawn.” He says.
Now, for reference, it’s pretty common to have farmers run over and kill fawns. The defense mechanism of fawns when they are young is to lay down low and not move…which obviously isn’t great for when there’s a tractor. It happens all the time, but it can be pretty bloody. It’s not a pretty sight.
So, thinking that maybe such a gory scene unnerved him and that we may have to dispose of the body, I say “Mr. Brown, is the fawn still alive?”
He says “Yes, I took it to the barn…but I’m afraid the mom won’t take it back because it has human scent on it.”
The myth about “human scent” is a common one, but it’s just that…a myth. But still, this guy was absolutely terrified that this little deer was going to live the first few weeks of its life without a parent. He was distraught.
Luckily my professor/boss was like “Don’t worry Mr. Brown, if you return the fawn relatively close to the spot that you found it, the mother will come back. The human scent thing is just a myth. The fawn will be alright, just be sure to keep the barn quiet so that the fawn doesn’t panic.”
Mr. Brown’s face lit up and he let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God” he said “I was so worried.”
And that’s the story of how I met the sweetest man ever: Mr. Jason Brown.
i love that charles dickens got paid by the word. like i cant even be mad when he’s boring and long-winded bc i would do xactly the same??? i wouldnt use contractions or colours at all. want to say the word red? too bad. we r now only using “the colour of freshly-spilled blood on snow; the hue of the horizon when the sun sets over the deserts of sub-saharan Africa” BOOM guess who can afford 2 eat now: me and my boi dickens
What I love about Alexandre Dumas, in contrast, is he got paid by the line. So it’s not really wordy, it more like 80% dialogue which makes it sound pretty modern but also ends up like-
