typewriterdaily:

cesiumadventures:

when you see something that reminds you of a partner/loved one and you send them a link to it that’s a form of gift-giving (preserving the meaning and thoughtfulness behind “i saw this and i thought you would like it”) without costing money, and i think that’s a cool thing to talk about re: love in the digital age that’s not “millennials look at their phones too much and it’s destroying relationships” 

absolutely. some of the best texts i get are the ones that are “i saw this and it reminded me of you.” i think that’s huge.

inordinatelyarticulate:

inordinatelyarticulate:

m4ge:

mobster-dad:

sage-armchair-sleep:

mobster-dad:

Now you can go churn out some vintage memes to refresh the economy 

wholesome meme creation. back to meme roots

I feel like this is the most disrespectful thing I’ve done in the past five years help

NOW THIS IS WHAT I POST FOR

guys I can’t stop making these I’m going to fail my finals

justbadpuns:

I knew a guy who collected candy canes, they were all in mint condition.

jonesandbennett:

One Nostril: I’m cool

Other Nostril: They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes, drums… drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow lurks in the dark. We can not get out… they are coming.

defilerwyrm:

writingwell:

dumbass-oikawa:

godisablackwoman:

“No, yeah. ” = yes.
“Yeah, no”= no
“No, yeah, for sure.” = definitely

fucking English, man

AWESOME English

In “No, yeah,” the initial “no” terminates other discussion and/or cuts off arguments to the countrary, leaving a gently decisive “yes” as in “of course yes.”

In “Yeah, no,” the “yeah"is shorthand for “I understand what you’re getting at here,” making the “no” an “of course not” or “absolutely not” with mild derision.

In “No, yeah, for sure” the “no” works the same way as in the first example – negating arguments to the contrary, especially those of reticence – and the “for sure” adds extra certainty.

All of these sound like the north-central Midwestern dialects, which are distinctly distinctly gentle-sounding due to contradictions like this and other linguistic tricks like conditional statements that deliberately weaken the speaker’s voice.

bobbycaputo:

ralfmaximus:

misanthropemom:

foxalpha:

falstafff:

i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.

as a casino employee I can confirm this would be terrifying as fuck

I still like teleport, no error, whether I’ve ever been there or not.

The superpower of probability is terrifying for other reasons. 

what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.

Consider all the unlikely things that must occur in just the proper sequence for this to happen. It’s not just wishing 50 gallons of mac & cheese into existence – that’d be a different superpower. 

No, we’re talking about some serious reality bending here.

Like maybe: an 18-wheeler hauling a load of instant Kraft macaroni & cheese collides with a tanker truck filled with water outside your home. Both vehicles erupt into flame, which cooks the combined noodles & cheese mixture within a small non-nuclear mushroom cloud of an explosion.

The cooked mixture of mac & cheese (and burning fuel!) rises into the air on thermals a hundred feet above your house, exactly above your bathroom. 

At just the right moment, as the starchy cloud of cheesy noodles reaches the apex of its hideous arc, a freak storm causes a lightning bolt to crash down out of  the blue, blasting a hole in your roof above the bathtub. 

Shingles and plywood explode away from the roof and are diverted to the side by sudden 50 mph crosswinds… which, because of freak weather conditions, are perfectly timed to whisk away the roof debris but stop just as suddenly before the descending cloud of mac & cheese can be blown aside.

Four seconds later there is a moist mighty THLUPPPP noise as ~50 gallons of half-cooked, badly mixed mac & cheese & diesel fuel land in a soggy mess within your bathtub. 

Ding! Your bathtub full of mac & cheese? Probability 100%.

Also: two dead truck drivers, untold collateral damage from the explosion, a wrecked roof, dangerous storms trashing the neighborhood, and a disgusting inedible mess in your bathroom.

Oh wait, you wanted it perfectly cooked, ready to eat?  Too bad… you didn’t specify that. And if you had, imagine the FURTHER ridiculous unlikely events required to make that happen.

Because you’re not just wishing shit into existence. You’re shifting realities. 

Which, if you’re selecting for a very improbable circumstance means moving a LOT of existing reality out of the way – which takes energy. Because reality has inertia & momentum just like a river does, and does not want to be diverted.

This might be the most terrifying super power ever, just from its side effects.

Ruined a perfectly good super power is what you did. Look at it. It has consequences.