Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. BlueSky: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
My friend got married yesterday and we missed the wedding because of work but we made it to the reception. Because its mid-September and the reception was in a nature center (awesome!) there was a little bit of a fall theme. Not overbearingly, but the tables all had these tiny pumpkins.
So they’re cleaning up at the end of it and we’re still hanging out because we haven’t seen these people in forever and we can talk until three in the morning when we get together. All of a sudden, the Maid of Honor hands us a tiny pumpkin.
“Take one.”
“Um… okay?”
“Take another.”
“….?”
“It is my duty as Maid of Honor to make sure that the guests leave with an uncomfortable number of tiny pumpkins.”
So it turns out that she’d gotten a bunch of them for a Halloween party last year and after the party was over her mom threw them into the compost heap thinking that would be the end of it. But what she didn’t seem to realize was that if you put pumpkins in a compost heap- it grows more pumpkins. It grows pumpkins exponentially. Serious mathematical anomaly pumpkins.
So this year she has even more tiny pumpkins and she figured it would be a good idea to have them as decor for the reception. BUT- she would still have to throw them out at the end of the day and no matter where you throw them you are doomed to have a ridiculous amount of tiny pumpkins growing SOMEWHERE at your fault.
So everyone left with at least two tiny pumpkins and that’s how we made friends with the Maid of Honor.
So I forgot about it and then the next morning I woke up and found these two tiny pumpkins in my purse and had a puzzling moment of ‘what?’
We were invited to the Maid of Honor’s house the other day so we could:
take some of the flowers off her hands
help with some post-wedding stuff
watch the presidential debate
play Clue for like three hours
drink a lot of booze.
And there are just… tiny pumpkins EVERYWHERE.
They were in the bathroom.
At the end of the night, I counted 26 tiny pumpkins, and that was just what I could see.
I was looking at Neil Gaiman’s books and on the next shelf over were a bunch of Stephen King novels. A couple was arguing as they made their way towards where I was standing.
Girl:
What do you mean you don’t like any books?
Guy:
I’ve just never read anything any good, it’s all been crap.
Girl:
Are you fucking kidding me, all books are crap? is that what you’re saying?
Guy:
Yep, all of them. I hate all books ever written.
(now they’re standing next to me, in front of the Stephen King books)
Girl:
Isn’t ‘It’ your favorite movie?
Guy:
OMG YES, it’s the best movie I’ve...
Girl:
*hits him in the face with a copy of it* IT WAS A FUCKING BOOK FIRST YOU DOUCHEBAG.
Reykjavik, Iceland turned of all its city lights for one hour on the night of Sept. 28 to make it easier to see the Northern Lights. The stunning light display is caused by electrically charged particles from the sun crashing into Earth’s atmosphere. (📷 : Getty)
Hey, this post may contain sexually explicit content, so we’ve hidden it from public view.
autism is widely underdiagnosed in girls because autistic women tend to present as quiet and reserved, which is just how women are supposed to be.
personality disorders are underdiagnosed in men because they tend to present more explosively and involve more narcissistic behaviours, which is just how men are supposed to be.
sexism isn’t good for anyone. don’t be fooled.
when ppl ask why gender roles are dangerous!!!!! peep this!!!!!!
