Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. BlueSky: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
thenkeepgoing: Why are kayaks Incredibly Rude to swans? I'm asking because we have a lot of wild turkeys on my college campus and they HATE cars. They will block you from opening car doors, circle you in your car like a shark, jump on top of cars and snap at tires.
2/2 so I was wondering if large birds just hate human
transportation or something haha. Thanks for your post, very
interesting.
(In reference to a comment I made about kayaks being incredibly rude in Swan Culture)
I’ve been looking at my inbox like “I am not some kind of ECCENTRIC BIRD WHISPERER,” but I actually know the answer to this one, and it’s hilarious.
Large birds don’t have a particular hateboner for human transportation, but wild turkeys have two unique properties that make them behave ridiculously when they collide with human populations. For those who aren’t familiar with them, wild turkeys are large, boisterous birds that tend to interact with humans most frequently around the autumn which is convenient for Thanksgiving and mating season in early spring. Most of the time, they live peaceable lives in the woods, but around November they run around in flocks bothering innocent citizens and picking fights with vending machines, and then they usually go away again.
The toms, or dominant males, can stand up to 4 feet tall and weigh up to 24 pounds. They’re the ones that do the fancy displays:
The First Unique Turkey Property: Now, wild turkeys are a little bit like betta fish, in that they perceive any shiny/reflective surface that shows them a reflection as actually containing Another Turkey, and they react accordingly. When they react to the Other Turkey - usually by posturing aggressively and flaring their fins feathers majestically - the Other Turkey ESCALATES THE SITUATION by posturing as well. At some point the real turkey loses its temper and attacks, pecking and scratching and trying to take the fucker apart, only to find that the Other Turkey has protected itself with some kind of force field.
So to a wild turkey that has encountered enough autumnal car-related psychic battles, the completely logical conclusion to take away from them is that cars contain demonic spiritsthat must be subdued. Other examples of things that wild turkeys are compelled to vanquish include… well, other reflective things.
To address this, cover reflective things (you can rub soap on your car to make it less reflective) and frighten off the turkey if it’s keeping you from leaving your car.
The Second Unique Turkey Property: This is a little bit embarrassing for all concerned, but you have to think about it like a turkey would. You see, humans are oddly compelling creatures to a hormonal turkey. We have bare faces with interestingly positioned lumps of flesh, we gobble our speech in a way that almost sounds like Turkey, we strut about on two feet showing off our long sexy legs, we strut about in family groups, we often have access to really good food, our clothing is big and bright and colorful. Turkey faces change color with their mood; human faces are all kinds of fascinating colors, plus additional fantastic decorations. To wild turkeys, humans are a type of turkey, and further: many humans are either Intimidating Sexual Threats, or Exciting Sexual Beings.
Now, I am very sorry about this, but not only can wild turkeys be kind of reverse furries, they also have unexpected ideas about gender and sexuality. So to some female turkeys, “male” humans are excitingly sexy and they will follow one around for embarrassingly long periods of time, cooing attractively - meanwhile, the tom turkey and the subordinate males will be OUTRAGED by the COMPETITION presented by the interloper, and will attempt to subdue “him.” And “female” humans are likewise at risk of being passionately seduced by the dominant toms, or quietly propositioned by subordinate males - or the females may attempt to recruit you into their existing social system - as a junior member, of course. They have a strict pecking order.
Unfortunately for humans, your preferred gender may not necessarily actually
translate to the gender that turkeys decide you are. And some turkeys
may decide you’re “male” while others will decide that you’re “female,” so that will be confusing, and some dominant female turkeys have “male” sexual traits - like beards and tail fans - anyway. They recognize and remember humans, so if you had a particularly exciting encounter with a specific turkey, it will probably remember you.
Also unfortunately for humans, the fine distinctions between Turkey Seduction, Turkey Competition, and Turkey Networking are usually a little bit lost, and all of this behavior seems to be the same thing - it mostly consists of a large dinosaur-like bird trotting at you, possibly screaming and pecking and flapping, and can be worrying. If you are in the car and the turkey can see you, and it wishes to
continue a previous encounter, it may well insist upon this in a
frightening way.
Turkeys don’t give a shit about human “gender” and “authority,” as the many available videos on the internet of turkeys attacking police officers, reporters and mailmen will assure you. They just make logical decisions that are perfectly natural and reasonable to turkeys, and humans react by running away.
So what do you do about this? Well, DO NOT RUN AWAY, this means you that you are a Submissive Turkey and their behavior will escalate. Turkeys can learn the meaning of “no,” and you don’t have to be bullied by them.
And the Massachusetts Fish and Game website has a huge resource explaining all the subtleties of wild turkey behavior and how to combat the nuisances. Essentially, you must not attempt to make friends with them or attract them; once they arrive, you must “be bold” and establish Dominance, and encourage everyone to do the same.
If the turkeys are aggressive around children and the elderly, all sources agree that if they become a danger, you can contact the relevant authorities and have the turkeys removed or destroyed.
Anyway, that’s why turkeys attack cars. The take-home message is: the cars are too shiny and you are possibly a sexy turkey.
THANKS TO @soilrockslove WHO POINTED OUT THAT ONCE AGAIN I FORGOT TO EXPLAIN WHY KAYAKS ARE RUDE TO SWANS
IT’S THE THRASHING/PADDLING MOSTLY
AND THE BODY LANGUAGE
you just look like you’re flapping towards the swan with Filthy Intent, going extremely fast, skimming over the water and flailing your wings around threateningly, which in Swan is shaped like the beginning of a territorial charge, so they go “TIME TO FIGHT BITCH”
How much do swans hate kayaks?
in 2012 in Chicago an imported mute swan straight-up killed a man in a kayak. Plot twist: the man was his own caretaker.
Asbo, a UK mute swan who actively attacked boaters in Cambridge until he threatened tourism, was eventually removed from the river… to be replaced by his son “Asboy”, First Of His Name, who continues his father’s legacy.
Tyson, a UK mute swan of the Grand Union Canal, also chases kayaks fiercely enough to warrant news coverage - although the “chase scenes” aren’t actually that scary. Here he is doing a territorial charge.
See when Tyson moves from busking (holding up his wings and padding menacingly) to a full on flying charge, with his wings pumping up and down? That’s what kayaks look like they’re doing when they paddle towards him. Swans are territorial (they firmly believe that they own property) and this charge would indicate that he is being directly challenged for possession of his property. Since some male swans are willing to defend their property to the point of death, this is Problematic during kayak season.
Also, swans just hate kayaks. Canoes are a little better and powered boats don’t bother them (many of them genuinely like powered boats and recognize friendly ones.)
This was related on boater social media: a well-known lady who has a garden that backs onto the canal made friends with a swan family. Sadly, the pen (female) died, leaving the cob (male) as a single parent. Now, that cob is renowned for disliking kayaks and canoes, and with several rambunctious youngsters to raise, he often forgot his parenting duties in the thrill of seeing them off - or he’d have to compromise his chasing to go back and protect his babies. Anyway, one day there was a kayak race and a constant stream of kayaks went shooting through his territory. Within a few hours of “seeing off” the flow of invaders while also protecting his babies from them, cob exhausted himself completely. He gathered up his babies and dragged them up the bank and into her garden, where he presented the brood to the lady, and then passed out on her patio. She entertained the babies - and apparently had a lapful of napping baby swans for a few hours - until the cob woke up and felt ready to cope. Thankfully the race was over.
That cob has a new mate now so hopefully she won’t be called upon to babysit again.
Anyway, that’s why some swans hate kayaks. The end.
“You don’t know why you’re exhausted? You’re fighting a war inside your head every single day. If that’s not exhausting I don’t know what is.”
2 years ago today, on November 22, 2014, Tamir Rice was shot by the police for playing with a toy gun sitting on the swing in a city park in Cleveland, Ohio.
Police officer Timothy Loehmann fired two shots, one of the shots hit Tamir in his torse which resulted in him dying the following day.
Tamir would have turned 14 years old earlier this year - on June 25. But he was killed by a cop who was never held accountable for the murder.
We will never forget you #TamirRice. Rest in peace, sweet angel.
He’s laying the groundwork for restricted access to the presidency.
He’s only going to let those who will write what he wants speak to his administration.
We’re only going to be reading and watching propaganda and expect real journalists to be starved out, fired, sued and smeared by the remaining press.
We already have laws on the books that make it illegal for journalists/cameras to go on farms to investigate how unsanitary they are, and their human rights and animal cruelty violations. How much easier will it be to concoct some “threat to national security” that necessitates restricted access to government?
Update: The New York Times said they didn’t even know the meeting with Trump was cancelled until they saw his tweet this morning. “We did not change the ground rules and made no attempt to.”
here’s the funny thing abt this though (and by funny i mean horrifying):
that “off-record” meeting that trump invited folks to? wound up being a prolonged shouting match between him and every reporter currently on tv who ever had the gall to, according to him, talk about his behaviour in any kind of critical way whatsoever.
think about this for a moment. the press has literally been treating him with kid gloves so far, and given him SO MUCH of the benefit of the doubt that they shouldn’t even have given him, and he STILL thinks that the press was “unfair” and “critical” of him and his atrocious behaviour. so much so that he invited them to a meeting with the specific intention of shouting at them for it, trying to intimidate them into silence, and had them agree to it before hand that none of his behaviour would ever be widely reported since it was “off-record.”
this is suppression of the press. this is what infringing on press freedom looks like. even the current level of reporting on trump by news outlets is insufficiently subservient for his ego.
women are being given standards by memes. we need to become incredibly boring and hostile to women. this will make them fuck us
You’re being… just a bit uncharitable here.
The problem here is bigger than “random guy on the internet is hilariously misogynistic”, and if we don’t grapple with it, we’re going to get more of this crap.
Toxic masculinity keeps many men from feeling like they can be vulnerable or having deep interpersonal relationships, so they have no outlet for their feelings; therefore, they have no private places where they can talk about being socially awkward and get advice on how to fix it.
These guys- the kind of guys that hang around reddit- are often neurodivergent and/or extremely socially stunted. They are bad at talking to people in general. They are bad at making friends. Some of this is probably their fault for having shitty personalities, but for a lot of these guys, they don’t have friends, through no fault of their own.
They crave intimacy. The intimacy of “having people on reddit who vaguely give a damn about your problems and are willing to give you advice” is better than being completely isolated. And sadly, reddit culture tends to exacerbate any shittiness in your personality, which makes you more isolated IRL, and it’s a nasty vicious cycle.
There’s a reason a lot of autistic guys turn to PUA bullshit and Reddit bullshit and assorted other misogynistic crap. Modern feminism has erased most of the social scripts people used to navigate dating and romance. This is, overall, a good thing. A lot of those scripts were skeevy as hell, and rightfully deserve to get chucked in the dumpster. But most autistic people need social scripts to function. Without them, we turn into incoherent messes.
And- I hate to say it, I really really do, but most of the norms that replaced them are vague and nebulous as fuck. ‘Hanging out’ instead of formal dating, for example, or having hookups until you decide you want to see each other again. There are more resources that tell you how to deal with someone saying ‘no’ than saying ‘yes’- and frankly if you don’t have very good social skills trying to get someone to verbally say ‘yes we can do the horizontal naked dance’ can come off as weird and pedantic and creepy rather than sexy.
Most resources aimed specifically at teaching neurodivergent guys these skills are condescending as fuck, because most resources aimed at neurodivergent people are condescending as fuck, and if you’re a grown-ass adult you will probably avoid these like the plague.
And most ‘feminist’ resources for dating advice are… er. Well. There is a heavy undercurrent of “if you cannot talk to women without creeping them out, you should not be talking to women”. Which is usually decent advice, if you can’t talk to people without squicking them then it’s probably better for both of you to avoid each other.
Except… a lot of neurodivergent people either do squick people out, or live with the constant fear that they’re creeping people out because of horrible “social skills” training in their youth. So this advice is… not good. At best, it keeps neurodivergent people from having any kind of romantic life; at worst, it keeps neurodivergent women from having any kind of romantic life, and pushes neurodivergent men towards the bullshit of our chode-like friend above.
Because he is a chode, and this is not okay behaviour. I am not apologising for him at all; he deserves to get the smackdown and get it hard. But- I look at this guy, and I smell autism. Autism and desperation to have a place where he can learn these skills without people making fun of him.
He’s begging for a space where he can learn this stuff, and he doesn’t feel safe doing it around women because women have made fun of him for not knowing this stuff in the past. Ironically enough- he wants a safe space. That’s not actually wrong. That is not a bad thing to want. But because he has problems with intimacy, and r/adviceanimals is the only place he’s been able to find anyone willing to help, well… we get this bull.
So like- this is a problem, this is a problem feminism has partly caused, and it is a problem we’ve got to deal with. Unfortunately, the guys who need this help most are the guys who have completely rejected feminism because of snarky condescending neurotypical feminism, so I’m not sure how much we as a community can do.
But admitting that there’s no good dating advice for ND men out there, and that making fun of ND people who need help is mean- well, that would be a start.
Another point to this is that, as an autistic person - even one who’s an fairly self-aware adult - it’s very easy to not feel confident in your own opinions. You get made fun for your views and interests before, so why trust them? Especially if you know you’re not a very static person; it becomes easy to flip-flop on viewpoints and accept what people have to say at face value. (I’m speaking from experience here, and even being self-aware that I do this doesn’t really help that much - I would guess that it can be even worse if you don’t know you’re doing it.)
This isn’t at all a fun trait to have when the people around you have very strong, negative - dare I say radical or bigoted? - viewpoints.
I wouldn’t at all be surprised if some of these ND boys and men go to these sites to try and find a community or some social skills advice, see people saying “The feminists are the cause of all your problems! Women are The Enemy!” and just going “
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Well these people seem to know what they’re talking about, I guess they’re totally right.” This also means that seeing NT feminists making fun of them would just confirm that viewpoint - “these women are mocking me now, I guess they really ARE the enemy.”
Obviously their views are wrong in the extreme, no denying that; and I’m not saying that NT feminists should stop being feminists altogether, or stop challenging these views, or whatever. This is to say nothing of the fact that there are absolutely going to be neurotypical misogynists and bigots who were not “reeled in” this way and who might be active “recruiters” taking advantage of vulnerable people.
But we need to keep in mind that there are people who are vulnerable to being convinced this way - dare I say “radicalised”? Because hating and distrusting women this much is a radical viewpoint, especially if we look at this in terms of these sites teaching bigotries beyond sexism and into the realms of the alt-right/white supremacy. These people are radical bigots and there are vulnerable, misled people among them who may one day see the light and turn away from them.
I feel like a problem is that the only tool people are given to argue their points and views on the internet - and often in offline spaces - is just anger. Anger and shouting and being very wordy (I mean look at this post! it’s way too fucking long already!). When writing lots of complex pseudo-academic paragraphs (with swears and insults sprinkled throughout) is the only way social justice minded people have of trying to convince bigots away, it stops reaching everyone it could possibly reach, because not everyone is going to respond to the same things.
This isn’t the fault of social justice writers - not everyone is going to know alternative ways of doing this. Hell, I don’t know how else to put my points across! But that’s what I mean; there needs to be a way to learn and to try and reach out to people another way, a way that will work. Sometimes there’s no helping these people; but people like the OP, there might be a chance still, and we can’t just blithely ignore that.
“Native American groups got stuck with names chosen arbitrarily by European settlers. They were often derogatory names other tribes used to describe their rivals. For example, “Comanche” is derived from a word in Ute meaning “anyone who wants to fight me all the time,” according to the Encyclopaedia Britannica.
“It’s like having a map of North America where the United States is labeled ‘gringos’ and Mexico is labeled ‘wetbacks,’ ” Herman says. “Naming is an exercise in power. Whether you’re naming places or naming peoples, you are therefore asserting a power of sort of establishing what is reality and what is not.””
